It took me a long time to learn what goes into making a great relationship. I found that I never really wanted to take full responsibility for my own actions in the matter. It took a huge amount of strength to be able to own up to how what I felt deep inside affected how I treated my partner and how by careful study of my emotions I could completely affect the outcome for the better.
I can justly say that my own life has been a process of slow awakening. I find it interesting how everyone has different measures of time of how long it took them to come to true realizations of how they could really change their lives. I believe everyone HAS their own process-their own path. And we should never judge, nor compare, them on how long it takes them to grow. The process is different for everyone.
After serious trial and tribulation, I all of a sudden, like looking in a mirror, saw how every moment of trauma I had experienced in my life, every relationship, had molded me into a person of “reaction”. I had been “packing my bags” with every article I could find to carry that “baggage” around. And I would unpack it wherever I set up house. But space was becoming limited and ultimately I needed to give those items away! The only other option would be to hoard it, and I certainly didn’t want that!
So, what did that change look like for me? Well, I tell you-it was extremely scary. I was confused as I didn’t know in what direction to go and in what way to make the “right” decisions. I was upset. Upset at how I had even gotten to this place. How had I left that blissful, trusting self behind? I was a woman who was quick to react, absorb any situation in my own way and stubborn to behave any differently.
Yet, I decided to put that stubbornness aside and focus on applying my faith and efforts towards becoming more aware of how certain situations, or “triggers” as they say, affected me. It was a moment-by-moment, day-to-day process, but through practice it all became easier and I was able to see mySELF and my partner for who we were- two people who weren’t perfect, but loved each other truly unconditionally and were willing to make it through any obstacle together. My world was becoming clearer and I FELT a lot clearer. To realize that there is a great amount of happiness to be had before you in your life by consciously making the decision to open yourself up emotionally and share your love without negative opinion, or judgment, is a powerful feeling. To simply BE together in the moment, take a breath before speaking or acting out when you feel your buttons might be getting pushed, and focus on why you’re in each others’ lives and the love you have for one another might be unfamiliar territory and can make you feel vulnerable. But it’s a feeling I’d much rather take the chance on, and a step towards, than living in a cluttered past.
-“No matter where you are in life right now, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are it is never too late to be who you are meant to be.”
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Mena is a rad actress. Follow her on twitter here.
