Mastin interviews Nick Ortner about how he got outof $1min debt! → Check it out!

Align Yourself With People Who Bring Out The Best In You!

Drew ParalesThe other week I had dinner with and met with a former co-worker/friend from years past. We had the dreaded falling out. We got along pretty great back in days when we worked together. I was a Teaching Assistant at the time, and she had a high paid HR job and was from a pretty affluent background. We got close over time and got to know each other better. But I always felt like “something” was missing from the relationship. One night, she decided it was time to end the friendship. I didn’t want that to happen. I was just a bit desperate to hang on, but I couldn’t deny her what she really wanted to happen and what she needed. I acted poorly afterwards. I felt like I was betrayed, hurt, treated unfairly. Over much time, I would see my old friend in passing, out in the community, at schools, at the store, etc. There would be a brief hello, or “Hey– how’s it going?” There was no hate. But deep down, I was still feeling curious even though it had been a long time since the…. “demise”. I still couldn’t help but hang on as to why our friendship had ended or what she thought about me. Honestly it kind of stuck with me, though I sometimes pretended like it didn’t bother me one bit!

So I was confronted with the out-of nowhere situation (Huh-loow- Drew– this is the Uni-verse calling…) where we came face to face, and she told me she was moving away. We exchanged the usual niceties… Then I oddly blurted out that “we should grab dinner sometime and catch up before you leave!” We nodded, said some goodbyes, and I thought, “OK– we’re done. *whew* I don’t have to see her anymore” and my causal request would have been ignored, like most of ours are,…right? (You know what I’m talking about… *wink*) But later that morning, I received an email from her confirming the invitation, *oh brother* but – I agreed. I agreed to go into it hoping there was something I was to learn from this. I didn’t know what to expect, and I tried my best NOT to predict any outcome. So dinner night came and we had great conversation, caught up on all things us, since we last spent time together. We parted ways, and wished each other well… I have great Love for her AND I saw it as a wonderful way to close another chapter in my book of life.

But that was not the end… The next day while getting ready for work, I was re-hashing our get-together, and thinking once again what I was supposed to get from this. I thought about how I acted and behaved when we did hang out a lot and I realized that I was not being my authentic self when I was around HER. I remember trying, but I sadly was not. I always felt like she was better off than me, had more than me, didn’t come from the same place as me, and judged me for who I was. I could not for the life and love of me BE WHO I REALLY WAS for fear of losing that friendship. Ahh–I didn’t feel like I was enough…. *lightbulb* Even bigger–I realized even further that she did not bring out the best in me. AND THAT WAS NOT HER FAULT. I just could not feel 100% comfortable with her to be myself. Because of my lack of worthiness, which brings me to my revelation!

Even though SHE did not bring out the best in me, there are other people, LOVING and accepting people in our lives that do! That bring out the absolute best of who we are, and who we are meant to be! Think about this for a moment,.. It’s not every person’s job who we meet to bring out the best in us! There are just people in the world who sometimes, we just don’t always connect with on the same levels. No matter how hard we try, even though they want to spend time with us, too, there is that something special missing. We can feel like we are being judged, (even thought we aren’t) and feel like we don’t measure up. We jump through hoops to get them to approve of us. In my case, I didn’t feel successful enough. But we keep these people in our lives because we think we “need” them to feel whole, to feel wanted by someone that we consider to be “of stature” or worth. But we lose self-worth and tell ourselves lies when we compare ourselves to others, because they have something we have always wanted or that “wow – they are so great, and they want to be with ME.” It is not part of who we are meant to be. It’s always our responsibility to feel our best, but we continue to give so much of ourselves and our power away to people who we know we cannot get that from, nor should we. And that does not make them bad people. NO– they are Love, too! It just makes them not right for us and where we are. We know intuitively when we SUPER connect with people, and when we don’t. We just don’t admit it to ourselves, then we end up losing so much of ourselves in these relationships, and sometimes we end up getting burned. Not because the other person was an a**hole, but because we didn’t own our own authenticity. Our own worth, our own self-love. We can always send out Love to them, but we should take a look at WHO and what serves US in the best ways possible,.. so that WE Love ourselves MORE and can serve and Love others even better AND– LIBERATE ourselves of the NEED to work so hard for everyone to approve of us!!

Choose to align yourself with people who bring out the BEST in you! The ones who enrich your life, that encourage and support your growth and for you to be the best you possible! You know who they are! Isnt that what we desire? Yes… so why wouldn’t we choose to have a support system full of Love where we can be and live the best life possible? So— Who in YOUR life brings out the BEST in you, And why aren’t you spending more time with them? ;) Show em’ some praise in the comments below!

With ALL my Authentic Love,

Drew

###

Andrew “Drew” Parales is a Vocational Rehab Educator for students with disabilities in transition & employment, a school site program & events coordinator/trainer. Connect with Drew at:

www.iloveliberation.com

Facebook: ILOVEliberation

Twitter: @iLOVEliberation

 

  • http://twitter.com/evelinehelena Eveline Almeida

    That so resonates with me. I was wondered why some friends just decided to end our friendship, when I so wanted to be their friends. Now I know why.

    • Drew

      Oh Im SO happy that you got something from this experience Eveline and that it resonates with you. Its something that I think we all have gone through! BE YOU! Love
      Drew

  • Dee

    Great job Drew!

    • Drew

      Aww thank you Dee!!! Quite coincidental right? *wink* How funny is it that we can all have the same experiences or at least step into the same revelations about who we really are!

      LOTS of Love
      Drwew

  • Michelle

    I just reconnected with an old friend from which I’d separated myself for very similar reasons. I think the time and changes/my growth will allow a new kind of friendship which is different, less entwined, but hopefully more nurturing/authentic for both our souls. Thank you for a blog that made me feel even better about my experience!

    • Drew

      Thats soo great Michelle! Your share is SO great… glad you feeling better about the experience you had! Keep on!
      Love
      Drew

  • Ndai

    Wow, it never ceases to amaze me how you always think that you are the only one who has gone through a certain experience ….only to find that for sure you are not alone for sure. I had this happen to me over 7 years ago and I’ve since met the ex friend now twice now in a matter of months and we’ve exchanged pleasantries but no dinner :) As I’ve moved from my 20s to my 30s, i’ve often thought about our friendship here and there and realized certain things about myself, her and the nature of our friendship. With my growing self awareness over the years I know now what sort of person I am, how I interact with people and possible reactions (sometimes negative) I can produce. I miss the closeness we shared back then but it’s ok and you can only learn from any unpleasant experience you go through. I appreciate all unpleasantness that I encounter from time because I’m always thinking what I can learn from this and about me – thanks for sharing.

    • Drew

      Yes, its great to connect with others that have had the same situations that we did. So when they are expressed, its like there is this relief that comes over us, right? =) Its all about growth Ndai as you have seen! I think its great that you are continuing to learn from life. THATS what its all about! Keep telling my clients the same and its wonderful to see them step into it! Im so happy to share this with all of you..
      Tons of Love,
      Drew

  • http://www.facebook.com/chilipepperg40 Kyrin Dunston

    Thanks, Drew. I recently ended a friendship that wasnt right and I didnt feel entirely safe in, for now that I see to be just these reasons. I believe that Neither one of us was truly being our authentic self and that makes true connection impossible. It is no less painful to lose this kind of friendship. For me the lesson lies in looking at why I would betray my authentic self in this way (fear) and a commitment to not do this in the future (faith). Thanks for your genuine voice. So refreshing to hear from a man!

    • Drew

      Hi Kyrin, YES– we have this weird way of betraying ourselves for the sake of relationships and friendships. We sometimes dont always pay attention to our intuition, and we end up losing and giving ourselves away. Its all about who we believe we are and what we believe we deserve. Thanks for the GREAT comment! Us men have these experiences too, I had to be courageous enough to voice it! ;) So happy you resonated with it..
      With Love
      Drew

  • http://twitter.com/funfreeMe1 funfreeMe

    Thanks so much, Drew. Super food for thought!
    Dana

    • Drew

      You are mighty welcome funfree! Super food for thought,.. I LIKE that! =)

      Love
      Drew

  • thankyouthankyou

    I can’t believe it this is exactly what I’m experiencing for a while. And never thought about looking it that way. I feel so much better now. Thank you sooo much.
    Love

    • Drew

      omygosh… you are SO welcome! Im so happy this blog helped you look at things another to uplift you!

      Love
      Drew

  • Susan R Limbaugh MD

    Thank you. This is exactly what I needed today :-)

    • Drew

      HI Susan, Im glad that this stepped right in when you needed it most! Youre so welcome… =)
      Lots of Love
      Drew

  • http://twitter.com/JPerlmutterArt Jennifer Perlmutter

    Great writing, thank you for opening up like that. And yes, very validating to hear right now. It’s crazy what we put ourselves through. Thanks for your vulnerability and taking the time to share this with us.

    • Drew

      Hi Jennifer! Yes– it really is nuts when we think about what we do to make people like us and how sometimes we just lose ourselves. Thanks so much for accepting my braveness today! =) Im so happy I get to share with the TDL community!
      Great Love,
      Drew

  • http://www.facebook.com/juliette.wellshays Juliette Wells Hays

    This just changed my whole perception on most of the negative relationships historically in my lifetime. Thank you :)

    • Drew

      Aww.. thats SO great Juliette! This is so wonderful to hear~ Isnt it great when we finally get to let ourselves off the hook? Great for you! Keep it up!
      Love,
      Drew

  • http://www.facebook.com/shiloh.king1 Shiloh King

    I hardly ever make comments on blogs but I had to let you know how empowering and relevant your post is. I really can relate to your experience and I am sure many can as well. I have discovered that it is so liberating to own our own power and embrace who we are, and as we do this we attract the special few who will see and love us the way we see and love ourselves. Thank you so much for sharing. <3

    • Drew

      WOW! Im soo glad that you did make a comment and honored you did here! Thank you Shiloh.. What wonderful and healing words you have to say and its true. We tend to forget how much Love and power we have for ourselves and we sometimes forget to step into it! You are correct in that what we do creates attraction of what we get. Way to go, dont be shy. Keep commenting..! ;)

      With Love
      Drew

  • Better3flyfree

    I am impressed with what I have witnessed here on this blog! You , Drew, responded to each comment. The fact that you read and RESPOND is impressive but to each one warms my heart. I just listened to Katherine Woodwadd’s ” Calling in the One” online seminar this morning… It was very enlightening! We do tend to lose ourselves in relationships out of fear of not being valued, worthy, accepted just as we are. I am enough, worthy of love, available to myself just as I am sitting right here right now today. So is everyone who reads this or those who are missing out on this wonderful website !!! Sad thing is that people do not know or realize it. I am grateful for this website and for your writings :-) Thank you Drew! I like being me but I am finding through my process of self awareness that others do not like themselves, they do not live in the moment and they do not give themselves what they are looking for in someone else to fill up in them. It has been here all along. We are our own bestest friend. It is a wonderful FULLFILLING feeling ;-) I describe it as being on a surf board riding the highs and lows of my life. They are both necessary to the adventure of our journey! I fall off the board, get wet and climb back on the board to continue surfing the wave I call my life;-) Bless you all. Have a Happy Easter;-)

    • Drew

      You make me blush…. I am so grateful to hear all these words from you!! So glad that TDL is here and I get to contribute, teach and share to such a wonderful community of people! Like you, this community is a smart bunch and comments are so inspiring. Your metaphor of surfing our life is beautiful and fulfilling! Thanks for sharing out your thoughts here… Keep Surfin’!!!
      Big Love,
      Drew

  • http://www.managingthemagic.com Bryan R

    Nicely written Drew … reminds me of our Tony Robbins adventure: “want to raise the quality of your life? raise your standards!” … and this one … “you become who you spend time with.”

    • DreA

      So true… 

      I have 4 dogs. The more time I spend with them, the more I learn about unconditional love and forginess.. They don’t care if I forget to walk them one night, or if they get reprimanded. They forgive and forget so easily… They teach me how to live in the now..

      Btw, Nice beard :)

  • SKaye67

    Drew, thank you for your story! I have shied away from relationships because I didn’t feel like I was successful, creative, ambitious etc. enough, and I have stayed in relationships because I thought it would me me ungrateful to leave someone who loved me, even though our values were nowhere near aligned. Crazy the thoughts we come up with to keep ourselves in exactly the spot we DON’T want to be. I was about to head down one of these paths again when my loving empowering friend reminded me that I’m allowed to choose and spend time with the people who share/honor my vision and support my highest good and brightest dreams. What was about to be a difficult uncomfortable day became a gift of support and love. BTW, as soon as we hung up she saw your story and sent it to me. Coincidence? I think not :-) Thank you, my sweet friend. And thank you, amazing Drew. I’m blessed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elipschultz Estela Lipschultz

    It is so good to come to this place and really be yourself. I know that I feel less sometimes with others if they are more educated, richer or maybe it seems to me to be

    a problems sometimes. It doesn’t feel very good to try and keep up with others, when you feel that way. It doesn’t work. And, it really makes you feel worse. I guess, it is better to be just yourself and hope for the best with others. This is always a good thing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elipschultz Estela Lipschultz

    I have some friends who tease me so much. It is difficult, but they say they do it because they tell me that I can take it. I don’t show them how I really feel. Teasing is
    hurtful no matter what.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elipschultz Estela Lipschultz

    I am so glad you wrote this article. Because I am with around eight to ten people every weekend for a movie and dinner. And, at the very beginning, I was the life of the party and my friendships were going great. Then somehow, I lost my mogo with them. I keep being teased a lot and I don’t feel so sure of myself. I keep trying to please them so they will like me. It an’t working. I don’t like myself. I am so glad you wrote about this. How true, how true.

  • Queen

    WOW! WOW! WOW! This is the story of my life right! This exact story happened with me! However I feel the need right now to close the relationship-which I thought I did- but I did not do it in a loving matter so therefore I do not have full closure. I was being an asshole to my friend because he was not responding to me the way I expected him to. So with love and respect and divinity I want to them one more time to end it on a loving note filled with light! Thank you so much .