And the FIRST step towards REAL transformation is…

If you want to download the audio version of this blog, click here.

Have you considered that expansion and growth feel scary?

So many times I get asked how to “get rid” of fear or how to not feel a negative feeling. And I give the same old answer. If we aren’t afraid most of the time, we aren’t growing.

There’s this idea that a lot of folks believe; I’m not sure where it came from, but I’m pretty mystified by it. The idea is that somehow being on a “spiritual” path will banish all fear and negative emotions from a person’s life. Guess what, it’s BS.

If you are living a “spiritual” life, you are probably going to come up against more fears than someone who is just coasting. If you are living a life on The Path – you are going to become MORE sensitive to the emotions you feel, not less. Somewhere out there it’s as if there’s this promise being made that if you go on The Path, you are doing it right if you are only feeling happy ALL the time, never feel scared and can turn off negative emotions like a light bulb.

This is not what having a human experience is all about. On the contrary! If we are on The Path, we are inviting fear to come – because we are stepping outside our comfort zone! We are inviting our emotions to rise, because we are clearing away all the things that prevent us from feeling them. This is the path of the spiritual warrior – to be courageous enough to FEEL fear and keep going! To not cut themselves off from feeling however they feel – and know that there is nothing wrong with them for feeling a down emotion! This is what it means to be a human being!

It’s a RIDE, man! If all you were was some annoying positive robot – life would suck. Like my mom said last week, “when you numb your pain you numb you joy” – being human, being open, being ALIVE means being ready to experience it all.

And as we do, instead of trying to always “be positive” and beat ourselves up when we don’t achieve that impossible goal, we accept that life is a series of ups and downs – and while it’s true that we can’t always control life, we CAN give what happens an EMPOWERING meaning. And by doing that, we start to take our power back.

And we also begin to see that it is by FACING our fears that we grow. Growth, by definition, means we are constantly expanding beyond our comfort zone. And when we expand beyond our comfort zone – the natural experience is FEAR! This doesn’t make you wrong or un-spiritual, it makes you HUMAN and it’s totally normal!

Can you allow yourself to feel the way you feel without judging it as wrong or un-spiritual? Self-acceptance is the first major step in transformation. Without self-acceptance, no amount of reading TDL or doing therapy or life coaching, or yoga or any other modality will really work. Without self-acceptance, all of those things – including TDL – are just spiritual entertainment.

In the comments below let me know how you can accept yourself even more! TDL comes ALIVE in the comment section – where we can discuss and support each other in our growth!

Lots of LOVE,


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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.

Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.

If you are ready to kick fear in the butt (lovingly, of course)  – join me September 24 – 28 for my latest virtual course Love Uni-versity: Discover the Wisdom of your FearClick here to check it out!

It’s a RAD 5 Day immersion class to turn your fear into power! AND – if you are in LA and want to join me for super private Group Mentoring LIVE in Hollywood! Click here  to join me LIVE in LA!

  • Yes!  Fear IS a human experience – having negative emotions is human – and despite the discomfort that comes along with fear and negativity, I want to be human!!!  This is so relates to your blog from yesterday about intimacy and passion in that if you don’t take scary risks in a relationship – you will either never allow yourself to experience a truly satisfying romantic relationship OR it will only ever be surface deep – which is not gratifying at all.  

    This also makes me think about how vulnerability is actually a strength and not a weakness as most people might think.  Being vulnerable to me means having a willingness to be open to new experiences – it’s taking great risks – and it’s and sharing your truth in order to connect with other humans on a deeper level.  I am committed to doing those three things and my life is VERY uncomfortable  at times but incredibly rewarding.  

    Love and light,

  • LynnMattiace

    Its a step at a time…some days the steps are taken faster than others.
    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the audio…very comforting!

  • Phil Garcia

    Fear is often the absence of courage. I have only been able to muster up courage through my willingness to change (spiritual Journey). Much of loving myself has been addressed by telling someone else who is experiencing my situation. Ancient medicine of telling others whom you trust about your fears is very healing. Yesterday I went to a recovery meeting and fear was discussed. Worry and Fear will never leave us, we simply will be able to face them as opposed to run from them and like you said numbing them will also numb joy. As always, excellent blog.

  • Hi Mastin, 
         Another great post and I like the audio version as well. I can listen to it while I’m doing other things and absorb the message. I definitely understand what you are talking about in this post. I was someone that was constantly trying to numb my feelings. I feel my emotions intensely and I can also pick up on the emotions of others. So, I was always trying avoid feeling. Since I’ve been on the path, I have had to experience some pretty scary feelings and there has been pain. But, what I found out is that avoiding the pain is actually worse than going through it. I could keep myself depressed for months avoiding the feelings.  Once I allowed my feelings to flow, I was amazed at how it seemed like they passed very quickly. I realize that, as a spiritual warrior, that I am choosing to be present and available to every moment. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. It would be more painful to me to sleepwalk through this life and to never have really known the  life I could have. 

  • Cristina

    Thanks Martin, your article come in extremely handy these days. I am over 50 now, and I have been experiencing fearful feelings from the responsibility to take care of my aging mother and special sis. And I do feel it is a stretch of your limits, just like in yoga….

  • LoveU4U



  • Mika

    Hi Mastin–how can you feel all this negative stuff and be positive? reading through “Philosophers Notes” getting ready for the “Kick your Fear In the Butt” immersion, the most constant message is “allow no negative emotions, thoughts or presumptions.”

    • i totally disagree with that! it is by allowing them that we can let them go! we don’t want to dwell on them, but if we don’t work with them, they will stay with us.

    • LoveU4U

      Not necessarily “allow” them, but just feel them and do nothing.  Don’t act out of fear…use the fear to build up your courage and strength to push through.  Once you recognize your own strength, you will find you peace as well because you’ll know you can handle it! <3

      • that is the same thing as allowing in my book!

        • LoveU4U

          True, guess it’s my defense mechanism to say “I’m not allowing, more like growing through”

  • Leeranchpw

    A negative emotion/feeling/thought is only negative because that’s how we label it. Same thing with a positive emotion/feeling/thought. If we allow life to flow through us and experience each moment without holding on to it and labeling it as positive/negative there would be less suffering.

  • Acknowledge how you feel and take the next step forward!

  • eeyore89

    Oh I really agree with you but self acceptance is so difficult. I’ve been trying for years and still cannot get there but I feel that within the last year I’ve been on a right path, just having hard time reaching the finish line. But something happened to me today that made me very aware of my emotions yet I am not feeling so good about it, it is like I need to be reassured by someone that I did the right thing.

  • Nicole1117

    I tell myself each day that I am not perfect, and that is just perfect. If we ignores our fears, weaknesses, perceived flaws, we will never be able to grow and change in to the people we aspire to be. Trying to mask everything with positivity is exhausting. You end up pushing so much under the rug that you get lost in a whirl wind of not being true to yourself. You need to love and enjoy the ride because it is this ride that allows us to grow.

  • Allison

    I love myself. But actually declaring it rather than “thinking” it shifted my mindset almost immediately. The good feeling comes alive with the words and gives that “ahhh” release of, if I have self-acceptance, then what am I waiting for?! I’m only “waiting” on me. And if I fail, I’m not letting anyone down, including myself, because I gave the effort and moved forward.

  • Bravo Mastin! LOVE this! We need the negative emotion/contrast to show us more about what we do want. We never get it done (all in the words of Abraham-Hicks) and that’s just perfect. Thank you for these reminders. You rock! xo

  • Carrie_B

    This resonates with me, Mastin. I used to beat myself up for having negative emotions. I was convinced that I had to be positive and happy all the time or my vibration would be off and I would attract negative things into my life. Then, I grew to discover it was better to let the emotions move through me and not deny them instead of trying to cover them up with affirmations or gratitude lists. This post is a terrific reminder for me as I continue to journey through a precarious time in my life. Thanks for all you do!

    • Courtney

      I’m right with you! Each time I felt like I was slipping into a spiral of negativity I thought creating lists of affirmations and things I was grateful for would help me, but when I made those lists it felt like I was trying to CONVINCE myself  I was grateful or prosperous, etc. instead of TRULY feeling that way.  Our vibrations can’t be thrown off by a negative experience.  As I have come to realize that, I embrace all of my emotions and let the ‘negative’ ones pass through me.  TDL always helps me get back into the right mind state!

  • THIS IS CINNAMON LOFTON”S , my spiritual mentor’s and author of ‘HERE,NOW’, RESPONSE TO YOUR BLOG: “I really enjoyed your blog and I respect the information so much. I am just so nearly in agreement with you. For instance…”YES” you don’t banish fear-YOU MANAGE FEAR. If you are living a spiritual life-you invite fear as an example of how the light envelopes and absorbs the fear.  Growth is measured by your willingness to move through fear not “By being afraid most of the time.” If you are afraid of the fear-you become the fear.  Love invites the fear in and doesn’t let it take over the body. It seems-unless I am misunderstanding you-you are speaking of fear as it just happens. Fear is created based on your programming. AND that programming is what motivates you to buy into the fear or move through it. When you let go of your old fearful programming, your in touch with the power of love that helps you to be less fearful. The more you practice being fearless…of course the less you fear until you realize what Roosevelt said, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Once you have expanded past your comfort zone, you know Love and LOVE CONQUERS ALL.  You don’t need to be afraid. You just deal with life on it’s terms from a loving a peaceful place. I would love to have a conversation with you about this if you are interested. My phone # Is 206-303-7602.  With a sincere heart, Cinnamon Lofton”

    • There is a video of Cinnamon Lofton on my blog-  from a You Tube clip.

  • jillj2u

    Thank you soo much for this post mastin! For the last 8 months, I’ve been printing out all the TDL posts and the additional guest blogs… diligently reading, studying, and journaling about the topics of the day.  And during these past  months, CHAOS has ensued..a breakup, a health scare, financial issues!!  And I keep thinking, “what am I doing wrong?”  I’m so exhausted.stressed out from trying to do it RIGHT!  Two days ago, I sat with myself and said, “Jill, you’re doing just fine…slow yourself down, breathe..and turn it ALL over to the Heavens!

  • Patti

    As usual… GREAT post!  I have had so many negative feelings and emotions for so long, I have gotten to the point where I was beat down by them. I stopped journaling because it was always about what I was feeling or what was going on and it was always negative, fearful and I didnt want to think about it as I wrote because I would continue to FEEL negative. I thought “there has to come a time when I will be happy and feel positive emotions rather than negative” and I would have moments but when the pirates of the world would attack me… here come those negative emotions again and I was discouraged.
    Currently I am going to be going through a legal battle with my ex-husband and I am SO afraid! Not sure because of my emotions if I can handle it. Just wishing it would go away wont happen. SO, I am pulling up my boot straps and marching through it! Fears and all!

    Thank you Mastin for giving me that extra modivation and support I need at this time! You Rock!

  • Kuryvials

    You always show up with the answer I am looking for….right on time!  Today I am taking action and walking thru what I realize now is fear, and working towards my goal.  I thought I was simply not feeling it to be the right time yet.  While I do still believe that timing is important, your blog was the whisper I needed to notice this is the time to act.

    I will let you know what arrives.

  • Jcev75

    This is my second “aha” moment for the day. I am grateful for all the signs I get each day. I realize that I make myself feel guilty about the way I handle things in life (relationships, parenting etc.) instead of embracing how and why I got to be that way, processing and moving on.  The TDL post are God’s way of saying: “Get back up” because I  do WANT to change. Not accepting my authentic self has been the key factor in why my growth has been stagnant. Thanks TDL for all of the inspiration! 

    • Sbarmecha

      This resonated sound strongly with me, I had an aha moment my self! Thank you for expressing what’s going on for you 🙂 

  • Zenmaggie

    Mastin – thank you so much for this post today! I have been a TDL subscriber for a long time now and sometimes I read diligently and other times I get lost in my life and forget to enlighten myself but today was the day I decided to read again and it was perfectly timed!! I am working a 12 step program and doubting my progress….it seems that most everything has been wrong and spiraling recently ( health, career, love) and I was so gripped with fear that I didn’t sleep well last night. This morning step 1 returned like a hero and then your email tells me that The Path “is” stepping outside the comfort zone and inviting the fear, feeling it and let go keep moving forward! I may have doubted my progress for a second but now I feel resolved to keep on feeling….keep on reading!!! There are no coincidences in life, today was choreographed for me 🙂 thank you again!

  • Paintedlaughter

    Mastin, I chewed on this blog for a while because there is a lot in it. But one thing kept me from sleeping tonight as I considered this…I think the first step in transformation is actually self-honesty. I think that always comes before self-acceptance. And that’s one of the hardest, scariest things any of us can ever do…simply being honest about the good and not-so-good parts that compose the entirety of our being and having tlhe courage to stay instead of run away. Granted, if we know grace (unconditional acceptance) is waiting there for us like a fluffy towel after a bath, something to wrap ourselves in, it makes the act of exposing our truest self that much easier.

  • Hale Nani

    It’s also true that just because “bad” things happen, doesn’t mean you aren’t on The Path. So many judge that if there’s something “wrong” in someone’s life, that there’s something “wrong” with them. Nope, it’s simply life and we should not judge or assume that The Path to enlightenment is in a constantly “better” road. For example, who is to say that being homeless provides less of a spiritual experience than anything else? Who is to say the life of a bug has less meaning than that of a human? Who is to say that because you have understanding and spiritual growth that a life without it isn’t the more challenging path? Nothing should be assumed to be linear or progess in an “upward” path. Perhaps enlightenment doesn’t come to the ones who are living the most “spiritual” journey.