Are You Addicted To Results? Don't Attach Goals To Your Growth!

Is any part of you buying into this subtle misunderstanding: “If I work on myself, I will get the results I want in my life.”  Now you may be wondering why in the world that would not be true or reasonable to believe, especially since you probably understand that our external world is a reflection of our internal reality.  Yet this direct correlation that many of us make between self-work and results is creating unconscious roadblocks of attachment. I said this was subtle…hang with me.

Often it takes a rattling event or reaching a level of unbearable discontent from not getting the results we want that gets us on a path of personal growth. We look around for help because we are not taught the principles of self-development in school.  Wouldn’t it be nice if classes that taught us about ourselves and the Uni-verse appeared next to algebra and economics on our school syllabi?  Since they don’t, we are conditioned from a young age to be achievement and outcome based.  Therefore when we finally do get around to putting understanding and healing ourselves on our curriculum, we often attach an objective to it because we are so used to being goal-oriented.  We begin working ourselves so that we can get the health, job, relationship, etc. that we desire.

It is totally natural to have your initial spark to embark on a personal growth path be a desire for something more, better or different (especially if you are experiencing pain of any kind). And sometimes we use, or perhaps even need, some kind of external end goal to motivate us to go through the pain.  Your Higher Self knows that things have to be put in your path so that you begin to wake up. But the point of personal growth is not to get something in return for all your work.

Let’s look at a common example.  Say you working on yourself because you want to find your “soulmate.”  You understand that we attract people that are at our level of vibration and awareness, so you are trying to sort out all your issues so you can find “the one.” I acknowledge that level of ownership and agree that we attract better partners for ourselves when we work do our work first.  However, when the driving reason for doing the work is so that we can get the result we think will make us feel better, our ego is still in the driver’s seat. Confusion then sets in because we begin to measure our progress by whether or not the goal we set is manifesting.  And when it doesn’t, we believe there is even more we have to work on and never reach a point of peace until the goal is met.  This is why attaching goals to your sacred spiritual work can be dangerous and blind you to the progress you are actually making.

Let me clarify that manifesting things in physical world reality that we desire may indeed be a wonderful result of our work. My encouragement to you is to let go of allowing it to be the primary purpose or reason to do your work. Stop letting someone or something else motivate you to show up for yourself.  Shift to a more authentic place and clean up your intentions.  If you resonated with the example above of seeking a soulmate, consider totally letting go of any attachment to ever being in partnership and make your relationship with yourself so incredibly juicy and fulfilling that it doesn’t feel like anything is missing!

A goal or desire is a great reason to get your growth groove on, but don’t let it be the reason you keep going. Surrender is a major component of growth. As you detach from results, you can hear the whispers of your Soul and your true heart’s desire . . . which is often different than what you think you want.

As you mature in your work and grow in your consciousness, make experiencing increased levels of peace, love, joy, oneness and acceptance a higher priority than any other external goal. Life is not about checking things off a list, it is a continual series of lessons and opportunities to be more loving each day. Your life lessons are not graded by the results you create in life, but rather how you live your life. Allow how you feel to be your report card. Show up for yourself and surrender the rest to the Uni-verse.

Love,

Christine

P.S. There is only ONE SPOT left for my retreat in LA July 27-29thClick here for details.

Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor committed to helping people answer the questions, “Who am I, what do I want and how do I get it.”

  • Melaniehersch

    Christine — you are awesome!! Just had to say that. I so appreciate the perspectives you share in your blogs. Such a gift they are! Much love to you, my friend! — Melanie H. 🙂

  • Melaniehersch

    Christine — you are awesome!! Just had to say that. I so appreciate the perspectives you share in your blogs. Such a gift they are! Much love to you, my friend! — Melanie H. 🙂

  • <3

    Yes!! I used to believe it was all about surrounding myself with positive people to help me become/remain positive, but that was the wrong motivation. In fact, I was doing them a disservice because I wasn’t truly connecting with them . I was hoping their positivity would rub off on me. One day while talking to a friend I thought how incredibly negative she was being. Every time I spoke to her she was in a negative state. I had decided I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. Well, this particular time, it occurred to me that I was in a negative state of mind as well because I was judging her for where she was instead of being a positive force trying to serve to bring her to the light. Taking a look at myself and where my intentions lie keeps me grounded, sort of the WWJD mantra. The learning is in thinking about what you bring or can bring to the table. You can bring a loaf of bread with the wine or you can bring crumbs or nothing at all. When looking for a friend, romantic partner or dealing with family, think about what you can bring to them. For anyone to see your soul you have to be willing to bare it. 

  • <3

    Yes!! I used to believe it was all about surrounding myself with positive people to help me become/remain positive, but that was the wrong motivation. In fact, I was doing them a disservice because I wasn’t truly connecting with them . I was hoping their positivity would rub off on me. One day while talking to a friend I thought how incredibly negative she was being. Every time I spoke to her she was in a negative state. I had decided I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. Well, this particular time, it occurred to me that I was in a negative state of mind as well because I was judging her for where she was instead of being a positive force trying to serve to bring her to the light. Taking a look at myself and where my intentions lie keeps me grounded, sort of the WWJD mantra. The learning is in thinking about what you bring or can bring to the table. You can bring a loaf of bread with the wine or you can bring crumbs or nothing at all. When looking for a friend, romantic partner or dealing with family, think about what you can bring to them. For anyone to see your soul you have to be willing to bare it. 

  • Drew

    Wow… PERFECT timing. I really needed this swift kick in the butt today Christine. Thank YOU!! Im on a path, and had an evening of questioning myself, which hasnt happened in a long while. I decided to surrender, and let things happen and asked for solutions. And here you are this morning! Got it… You rock! Thanks again, so needed!
    All my love
    Drew

  • Drew

    Wow… PERFECT timing. I really needed this swift kick in the butt today Christine. Thank YOU!! Im on a path, and had an evening of questioning myself, which hasnt happened in a long while. I decided to surrender, and let things happen and asked for solutions. And here you are this morning! Got it… You rock! Thanks again, so needed!
    All my love
    Drew

  • Ema

    Thank you Christine for this. I think I have that “issue” that you are describing so this blog is extremly helpful to me. Much blessings.

  • Ema

    Thank you Christine for this. I think I have that “issue” that you are describing so this blog is extremly helpful to me. Much blessings.

  • WritingIrish

    …surrender…whispers the universe…..

  • WritingIrish

    …surrender…whispers the universe…..

  • Stacey Rae

    I love this! Sharing with us this message helps us all see that we are not alone in this cycle we and how can easily we seem to slip into. Thank you for the awareness and gentle reminder to check in with oneself and look at things with a different perspective. <3 <3

  • Stacey Rae

    I love this! Sharing with us this message helps us all see that we are not alone in this cycle we and how can easily we seem to slip into. Thank you for the awareness and gentle reminder to check in with oneself and look at things with a different perspective. <3 <3

  • RP

    Excellent.

  • RP

    Excellent.

  • Jamie

    This is a great article for what I have been going through the last couple of years.  I am in search of my “soulmate” and it has been somewhat of a heartbreaking task.  I feel like I have most aspects of my life together or that so many things are possible in those areas, but finding a “soulmate” seems hopeless.   It probably seems that way because it is an area that I can’t control.  Letting go or surrendering is very hard when you see so many others where you want to be OR eventually be.  ( I don’t necessarily need it right at this second, but I wonder ‘if’ it will ever happen and that makes even more depressed.)  So many of my friends are getting married and having babies and I am no where near that.  I guess I really have no idea how to surrender in that area….

    •  Hi Jamie – Yes to surrendering AND from my pov there is really no such thing as one soulmate.  Every relationship we have (from lovers to friends to family to co-workers) is a soulmate in that they are here to teach our soul something or connect soul-to-soul in some way.  YOU are your one true soulmate that you will have for a lifetime.  I encourage you to really nourish and nurture falling in love with you. Love, Christine

  • Jamie

    This is a great article for what I have been going through the last couple of years.  I am in search of my “soulmate” and it has been somewhat of a heartbreaking task.  I feel like I have most aspects of my life together or that so many things are possible in those areas, but finding a “soulmate” seems hopeless.   It probably seems that way because it is an area that I can’t control.  Letting go or surrendering is very hard when you see so many others where you want to be OR eventually be.  ( I don’t necessarily need it right at this second, but I wonder ‘if’ it will ever happen and that makes even more depressed.)  So many of my friends are getting married and having babies and I am no where near that.  I guess I really have no idea how to surrender in that area….

    •  Hi Jamie – Yes to surrendering AND from my pov there is really no such thing as one soulmate.  Every relationship we have (from lovers to friends to family to co-workers) is a soulmate in that they are here to teach our soul something or connect soul-to-soul in some way.  YOU are your one true soulmate that you will have for a lifetime.  I encourage you to really nourish and nurture falling in love with you. Love, Christine

  • Steph

    This post is particularly timely for me too. My job was eliminated last week. I was offered as a replacement the exact same position in the exact same department I started in 5 and a half years ago. I think this would count as my rattling event. I have been alternating between fears of being a failure and having to start over again, and feelings of release and hope and using this time to reflect, learn an continue to grow. Lately I have been finding opportunities to grow when I least expect them, and this post definitely has a message I needed to hear. Thank you very much!

    •  Hi Steph – I really acknowledge the way you are perceiving this change and there may be unexpected blessings and lessons you discover along the way. The more you are OPEN to this all being for your GOOD, the more you are open for all kinds of good. Many blessings, Christine

  • Steph

    This post is particularly timely for me too. My job was eliminated last week. I was offered as a replacement the exact same position in the exact same department I started in 5 and a half years ago. I think this would count as my rattling event. I have been alternating between fears of being a failure and having to start over again, and feelings of release and hope and using this time to reflect, learn an continue to grow. Lately I have been finding opportunities to grow when I least expect them, and this post definitely has a message I needed to hear. Thank you very much!

    •  Hi Steph – I really acknowledge the way you are perceiving this change and there may be unexpected blessings and lessons you discover along the way. The more you are OPEN to this all being for your GOOD, the more you are open for all kinds of good. Many blessings, Christine

  • it is definitely easy to get caught up with all the goals we hope to achieve for ourselves, especially when we are manifesting. It’s always a great reminder to everyone that practices meditation and positivity to remember that we can only do so much and that eventually we need to leave it in the hands of the Universe, this is where we surrender.

  • it is definitely easy to get caught up with all the goals we hope to achieve for ourselves, especially when we are manifesting. It’s always a great reminder to everyone that practices meditation and positivity to remember that we can only do so much and that eventually we need to leave it in the hands of the Universe, this is where we surrender.

  • Erin

    You just described me completely! I have reached a point where I’ve done all this hard work on myself & still haven’t had the results I thought would make me feel at peace. So as you can imagine I’ve been really down and depressed lately. Reading this was exactly what I needed to put things in perspective! Thanks so much! I so needed to read this!!

  • Erin

    You just described me completely! I have reached a point where I’ve done all this hard work on myself & still haven’t had the results I thought would make me feel at peace. So as you can imagine I’ve been really down and depressed lately. Reading this was exactly what I needed to put things in perspective! Thanks so much! I so needed to read this!!