Are You Addicted To Suffering And Ready To Quit?

Most teachers will teach how to avoid suffering. I am going to share with you the 7 steps of how to successfully create suffering in your life, so that you can be aware of them and make different choices.

Suffering can become a very dangerous addiction. An unhealthy way to feel. An ultimately unfulfilling way to feel alive. You can get so used to suffering that it becomes comfortable and familiar. Suffering is the ego’s way of feeling important.

Whether you are a businessman or a buddha, pain is inevitable. There is no way to avoid it. Just by virtue of being in a human body there will be some pain. Trying to avoid pain will only create more suffering. Embrace pain to release yourself from suffering.

Suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice.

Suffering comes from your story about what is happening in your life and less about what is actually happening. What is happening is simply what is happening. The suffering part comes from all your interpretations and meanings about the experience. Change your story and the way you are interpreting reality and you begin to change your reality. When you change your reality within yourself you shift your experience of your reality outside. Once you understand this, you only suffer if you chose to.

What stories are you making up about yourself, your life, your partner, your current experience that is causing you suffering?

The 7 Keys to creating suffering:

1 – Resist everything: Resist what is. Resist reality. Fight against what is happening in your life with all your might. This is a guaranteed method to suffer.

Key Solution: Accept what is, so that you can then decide how to shift it.

2 – Holding the belief: “The experience that is happening to me should not be happening to me. I should be having some other experience than the one I am having. This shouldn’t be happening to me”. You have probably heard yourself doing some version of this. It just keeps you stuck.

Key Solution: Embrace your current experience. Your current experience is the experience that you are meant to be having because you are having it right now. Trust, and focus on what the you can learn and how you can grow. The experience is here to help you evolve.

3 – Focusing on all the things that you cannot control. This will only cause you to feel completely helpless and disempowered. It will leave you in a state of worry and anxiety. Some of us are professional “worriers”. No matter how much you worry it doesn’t actually change the situation. Once you are done worrying the situation will be the same. Worrying is a waste of time.

Key Solution: Focus on what you can control. Take actions that are in your power, step by step.

4 – Refusing to change. Keep doing the same over and over and hoping for a different result. Well, as Einstein said is the definition of insanity. Are you so set in your ways that you are afraid of giving up the known suffering for the unknown possibility of happiness?

Key Solution: Embrace change. Be willing to do something different. Let go. Go into the unknown. Take different actions.

5 – Give up your responsibility: Be a victim. Play the blame game making everyone else at fault or responsible for your life and how you feel. Unless you take responsibility for your current experience then you are powerless to change it.

Key Solution: Take full responsibility for your current reality and decide what changes you are committed to making. Give up blame.

6 – Focus on everything that is wrong in your life. Whether a relationship or person. When you focus on what is wrong, you will surely find what is wrong. You will end up creating more of what is wrong to feel wrong a about. Then the negative cycle continues.

Key Solution: Start focusing on what you are grateful for. Remember all your blessings, and appreciate that daily. What you appreciates, expands. What you thank about comes about.

7 – Denial: Lie to yourself and others. Pretend that everything is fine when you know that it isn’t. When you avoid facing what is, you end up staying stuck and repeating the same patterns of pain, and relationship. This only ends up prolonging your suffering.

Key Solution: Tell the truth to yourself first. Tell the truth to those in your life. Be honest. Face reality.

Life is too short to waste spent suffering. Most of what you worry about today you won’t even remember a few months from now. Most of what you are trying to change in people today, you won’t care about on your deathbed.

You hold the padlock and you hold the key to your freedom.

You choose.



P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you are ready to make peace with today. Please share in the comments below

P.P.S. Go to my site, and find out more about my work and receive some great free gifts!

  • Christina

    I love this!
    I have a particular problem with resisting change, even though I dislike my current situation. (I’m working on it though). The list of ways to create suffering is a great tool; it really shows how humans, myself included, get stuck in ourselves. Thank you!
    Love to Mr. Sweets 🙂

  • Dana Ramsey

    THANK YOU. I was down on my knees praying to the Uni-verse…for help. Help. Help me through….help me deal…with this MONUMENTAL transition from one ‘life’ to the future ‘another.’ A transition I CHOOSE but was not doing well with. I just wanted to be happy….and I could NOT see any happiness…and, just in time…that video. Trying to make a dog act like a cat. So simple. So profound. So needed!!!! Thank you, again!!

  • Mary

    Great stuff, Kute! So glad to have discovered this/your work today!!! It’s like you, Byron Katie, Abraham/Hicks, Tolle and Chodron having a conversation and adding bullet points!
    Love love love your style!!!
    I am grateful that you are one of our teachers in this life. Thank you!!!

  • Baide

    Thank you !!

  • Thank you so much for this post! You have just given me the answers I have been searching for my whole life in simple bulleted points! I am guilty of at least 5 out of 7 of these habits, but wasn’t aware of what I was doing to keep creating the pattern of suffering I am in. I knew I had to take responsiblity but just had no idea what it was I was doing! You hit it all on the head right here and on top of it gave us action items to use for change! This is so empowering to me you have no idea. Thank you so much for your work, it really does change lives. It is changing mine right now 🙂

  • This will change my life. Thank you so much Kute!! 😀

  • Wow! What a great post! I’m definitely sharing this one…this should be required reading in the school of life 🙂

  • Love this Kute! Woof Woof! (o:

  • Appy

    Kute, you are truly and amazingly inspiring… All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you for the wisdom that you share with us. I wish that I can shake your hand as I am humbled by you. I will continue to follow your work as it has immensely touched my heart and changed my perceptions on things for the better. Stay and be blessed!

  • Great post & love the “vlogging”! “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” -Unknown

  • Cat

    Thank you so much for this!! SO right on with everything that was written! I have printed it out to continue to re read throughout my day for any needed attitude adjustments. Divinely inspired writing that came into my life at a divinely inspired time. I plan on sharing with many!!!

  • The benefits of making conscious the issues that block us from experiencing our life fully, and then moving from a place of greater choice is powerful for our emotional, mental, physical and spirit level experience. This, in turn, changes how we interact with others. This ripple effect is good for everyone!
    Here’s an article that speaks more to this:
    Many thanks for the topic!

  • Cloudy

    Thank you! Absolutely inspiring, simple and obvious! Our minds are often so busy and complex that we fail to see and accept things as they are. I am so grateful for being reminded from you today. Truly amazing 🙂

  • yessi-o

    Tnks for this post, is super!!

  • Thank you so much for this!  I find that the most difficult step to overcome is the one about not making changes, but your post has revealed the truth in a very relate able way I will make sure to apply it 🙂

    -Katie Hoffman

  • M. I. A.

    Kute –
    I have been trying to make peace with some ego issues for a while now. Today was the first day in a long time I was able to quench my ego’s grip on me at work. Unfortunately, (though I don’t mean to sound dramatic), I’ve come to realize that suffering egos are something that real people deal with every day. Something we just have to get over and move on without. With the inessential out of the way, I am now able to focus on what is really important and worth my time. HARD WORK IS IN STORE, and I can’t wait! I fall out of the habit every now and then, but I guess that just means I need to WORK HARDER!!!!!!! WOOOHHHOOOOO inspiring post, btw! 😀

  • Kiwibfantasy

    i want to make peace with being single

  • Onuohae_

    Everything on that list is what I’ve been doing so this hits home for me… I thank God I joined twitter and it lead me to you all. As a man especially a black man we some times feel like we have to bear the burden of the world with no help and just suck it up when it becomes unbearable… advice like this is needed especially for those who have a strong desire for positive change and success. I thank you for this article which I was blessed to read on my phone which put a lot of what’s going on in my life into perspective… I just pray that you can reach the masses and help eventually the world withthese enlightening words and exerpts. Godbless and keep up the good work!


  • lizilynx

    I LOVE your sense of humor and your down to Earth” makes sense” kind of thinking. Kute, you are a blessing to TDL Readers, most certainly to this one. I wish you a life of clarity and meaning and , indeed, happiness! 🙂

  • Wabbit

    I LOVE this!!  This reminds me of the “SERENITY” prayer….  LORD grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I CANNOT change, the COURAGE to change the things I CAN, and the WISDOM to know the difference!!   I try to teach my sons that no matter what you’ve gone through in your past and no matter what you’re going through NOW, if you spend your time worrying about it and NOT trying to change it, you will never fully BE!!  Change what you can, and the rest just “LET IT GO!!”  And you are SO RIGHT Kute, LIFE is too short to waste time on worrying, it should be spent LIVING!!  My motto… “LIVE long, LIVE STRONG!!”  GOD BLESS!!   🙂

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