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Are Your DeVICES Keeping You From Really Connecting?

Hey friends,

I’m writing this blog from Melbourne, Australia (one of my favorite places on earth). I’m one week into a twelve-date tour which will include shows in some of my most beloved Aussie cities like Sydney and Melbourne, as well as some festivals in more rural areas like Tasmania. One of the things I love most about being on tour and being away is that it gives me a chance to observe myself out of my usual element and create new daily rituals.

Today for the first time in a LONG time, I woke up and decided not to check my phone and all the trappings of email, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, as I often do while lying in bed.

I quickly realized that in the space created by this choice, I could be with my own thoughts and feelings, something I believe in strongly but that I’m noticing I don’t do as much as I could. And my deVICES (iPhone, laptop, etc.) are a huge culprit.

I’ve always known that having a pocket-sized computer with access to a bottomless well of distractions could stand in the way of working through a to-do list, but what I’ve overlooked is the shallow connection it has caused in my relationship with myself, and others.

This is because it’s so easy to hide in cyberworld instead of REALLY living in the real world, or even scarier, navigating our own inner world. What I’ve been observing in myself is that whenever a thought or feeling comes up that I don’t “like”, I go to my menu of options and plug into the rolling stream of distractions and before I know it, I’ve successfully avoided the thing I was escaping.

But have I really? The truth is that the more time we spend scrolling our newsfeeds and clearing our inboxes, the more and more cluttered our own internal inbox ends up getting.  Before we know it, our best ideas are buried so far down that we never get to them, the emotions that we most desperately need to work through and FEEL get neglected and we end up with an internal backlog that results in a pervasive sense of unease and listlessness.

Have you ever spent hours on the computer getting stuff done and seeking the sense of peace that comes with an empty inbox and list of crossed off to-do’s only to feel uneasy and unsettled? Yup, you know what I’m talking about.

Well, I’m no stranger to that feeling and I’m realizing that all the energy and attention that I invest in online communication, texting, social media and all the rest of it is coming at a cost. Most of all, it has been coming at the expense of time that I could be spending being present, going deeper within, cultivating new ideas and tuning into to my own creative voice.

The same thing applies to our relationship with others. The sight of people sitting across from each other while sharing a meal or a coffee, but being totally distracted and disconnected because they are looking at their phones is all too common these days. Instead of really engaging with one another, being fully present and giving people our full attention, we end up having more shallow interactions and the kind of intimacy and closeness that we all deeply long for continues to evade us. And what for? We may have seen the most recent tweet or status update, we may have responded to that email or message in record time, but is it really worth it if it costs us what our soul yearns for and results in that same feeling of emptiness and disconnectedness?

Seeing all of this so clearly in the space of this morning’s simple abstention has inspired me to go further with this and see what comes. My objective is to practice mindfulness around the use of my devices for the next week by keeping it to the absolute necessary minimum and by setting aside a specific window of time on certain days for communications that NEED to be sent out.

I know it’s going to take some discipline. I know I may miss some stuff and that it will be a challenge to let texts, emails, and the like go unacknowledged at times. I also know it’s for a great cause, so I’m going for it.

My hope is that the space it affords me will help me to be more present for myself and others, to have greater awareness of my internal dialogue, and to connect more deeply to the voice of the Divine within me. In that space and with that connection as my foundation, I know a deeper sense of calm and peace will be available and that I will more easily find the expression of my own creative voice. In fact, I feel as though it’s already happening.

Who’s in?

Much love,

Chris

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Chris Assaad is a singer/songwriter and inspirational artist from Toronto who left a promising career in law several years ago to pursue his dream of a career in music. Since then, Chris has been actively using his voice to enCOURAGE others to follow their dreams, express their creativity and live life to the fullest.

Connect with Chris via www.chrisassaad.com, Twitter and Facebook.

Chris has also recently joined the TDL team as one of our mentors. To learn more about the TDL Mentoring Program click here.
  • Nora

    Great post! I think it’s a really good thing that you do. I finished 2012 sorting out people on my facebook, beacuse most of them are really not my friends, they’re just people I knew in the past, and they might have been some kind of friends to me back then, but now I have no connection to them so why should I read about what they had for breakfast or watch pictures of their lives that’s simply not my business? Now I only connect to people who are actually in my life, so I don’t even spend that much time with social media, and I don’t have twitter, or any other stuff, just facebook, I guess I’m old fashioned:)  Anyway, what I mean is even this small change can lead to a bigger one by focusing  on  real life, real friends, real relationships.
    Okay, that’s it, I stop now. :) Have a good day! Do you ever plan to include European dates on your tour?

    Much love!

    • Cljones456

      Same here! I have definitely limited my FB friends to just family and real friends. I think it is better that way and not so public. :)

    • Modar22

      Well that’s really good thing to do , I have decided to delete my facebook in 1st day in 2013 and this Is for the same reasons as you . Too many friends but little ones who I really REALLY know.
      I have replaced facebook by a blog that I post there what I like , and it’s not have to be always updated .
      But the idea of keeping just the close friends in Facebook is cool ! I will try it someday when I decide to be on facebook again :p

  • Wanja Njage

    Gosh, this came just in time. Thank you.

  • EllieHuggins

     I’m in!  I have begun an online reduction program too and it is eye opening how much time I have now to do so many more meaningful and interesting things and my ability to connect with those important to me, face to face.   Chris, I hope you find your relationships are richer and your creative juices flow more freely as you log in less often.

  • Lisa Irwin

    Your article came at the perfect time.  I spend entirely too much of it on the computer.  I do need a break.  It is time.

  • Cljones456

    This is such a great message. I myself have fallen into the trap of being on FB and my phone too much! It has become such habit that I actually think it stresses me out and makes me feel anxious! Like something has happened that important that we have to check our newsfeed every 10 seconds-it’s just crazy! Lol! I have deleted my FB account several times now trying to get myself away from the media but, it’s constantly there. I think we all have to have better self discipline when it comes to this and realize the REAL relationships with PEOPLE are more important, that is what gives us the ultimate satisfaction.  I am going to try harder to this year to not be wrapped up in all the social media. Goodbye anxiety. :)

  • Esther

    Thanks for writing this. I tried to go on a device fast yesterday and then I realized that I was bored out of my mind. Maybe its time I make some time to sort my feelings and get new hobbies. Hope we will be successful in this venture.

  • Modar22

    Thank you chris ! This is really what my life is about .. I have deleted facebook and keep just the email to check once a week , because, in my opinion , it’s not time waster as Facebook.
    Besides , how far that the Internet connects you to others is not like real connecting and sharing ideas and emotions .

  • http://www.arianablossom.com/ Ariana

    Bravo! I see the habit of checking out in myself and others. I’ve been making myself write in my journal reflections on my day each evening. It’s providing a sense of connection to myself and each day that I don’t get when I fuss on Facebook or watch television. 

  • Sarah Bergstein

    This is such an awesome, relevant, funny story. I am stationed on Guam and was on a hike the other day, taking pictures of the waterfalls with my iPhone when I dropped it and it went rushing down one of the falls. Well, I was lucky enough to find the phone, and as soon as I could I put it in a bag of rice where it is now on vacation… potentially permanently. But I’ll tell you- these last three days have been some of the best I’ve had in months- one because I found the Daily Love today and also because I’ve had time to breath, think, relax, reflect and live in the moment. Fortunately, I wasn’t so bent out of shape about losing the phone that I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the hike- the waterfalls were too beautiful to care about a silly gadget that could be replaced. And if I’d known all the joy I’d feel from not being so connected to my world 24/7… heck, I’d have THROWN that phone down a waterfall a long long time ago!! Thanks for sharing. Safe travels on the tour and have fun!! :)

  • Chris Berlin

    I am so in but I won’t abstain from my daily dose of love :)  

    Much love from Berlin, 

    Chris

    PS.: And as Nora implies, you should extend your tour to Europe! 

  • sophia

    I’m in and started doing just what you are talking of doing about 1 week ago. Not only have I accomplished stuff  I’d been thinking of doing for …  well for a long time, but also I’ve gotten in touch with some of the thingsI’ve covered over with the deVices.    What was covered over included a sense of satisfaction.