We love LOVE. We daydream about it. We create fantasies about the very kind of LOVE that we want in our lives, and we search high and low for it. We’re willing to do just about anything (fly across the country, drive for hours on end in the middle of the night, and spontaneously run off for a three-day weekend) to make “it” happen. And by “it” I mean co-creating “that moment of energetically explosive fireworks that shoot out of your bodies when you both ‘know’ that you’ve found your soul mate.”
We watch this magical moment happen in movies. We hear about it in songs, and we read about it in novels. Our imagination runs wild about that kind of moment happening for us and what it would all look like. We might have already had a taste or a glimpse of it in romantic experiences – but that HUGE moment of discovering our ACTUAL soul mate is what we’re really longing for. I know what that HUGE moment feels like, because I had mine last year. Keep reading…
After many failed relationships, I was beginning to feel like there was something “wrong” with me. It wasn’t making any sense to me why I hadn’t met my “man” yet. I just didn’t get it. I supported clients in finding the love of their life, and I was really good at that.
I had a successful business of transforming my clients into LOVE magnets by strengthening their bodies, empowering their minds, and rejuvenating their spirits. I thought I possessed all of the qualities that someone I wanted to be with would find desirable. Yet I kept manifesting men into my life who, in the end, were just unavailable.
Even though I wanted BIG LOVE, I expected each relationship to be a fleeting experience, and so it was. We love to be “right” as human beings so we manifest people into our lives who won’t make us “wrong” – even if being “right” doesn’t feel good.
One day, I listened to advice I was giving one of my clients. She was talking about how she didn’t feel like she deserved to be loved. She said no man she was interested in returned the interest. I felt her energy being very low and exhausting as she talked poorly of herself. I knew that her way of being showed up in other situations, because energy doesn’t lie. If you don’t LOVE your Self, it shows. If you truly LOVE your Self, it shows. How I’d get to manifest the man of my dreams became apparent to me as I said to her, “When you truly fall in love with your Self, you will finally discover your soul mate.”
Not only did I realize that I was my OWN soul mate, but it also dawned on me that I was seeking men who weren’t reflections of the actual man I truly desired. They were, in fact, reflections of my own level of self-worth. My inner dialogue instantly went something like this:
“But wait, I ‘know’ that I’m a catch. How can I not LOVE my Self?”
“Well, Jenna, on some level you feel like you have to prove something. You want to win a man’s heart that isn’t available so you can feel like you’ve accomplished something, and that you’re worth it.”
“But I know that I’m awesome, and I can accomplish anything! I made a full comeback from a coma and brain damage for crying out loud!”
“Yes, but you made up a story when you were a little girl that you couldn’t make your father proud – no matter what you did. So you looked for approval and acceptance from other men – men who were not equipped to handle a woman like you – so it couldn’t possibly work out.”
I decided in that moment that I was enough. I also had a huge breakthrough in my relationship with my dad. I called him and we had an awesome talk about how he has ALWAYS been proud of me, but he wasn’t showing me that in the way I needed it. We have different love languages. My way of being shifted entirely and I began to REALLY celebrate the LOVE I had for ME. I was in a committed relationship with my Self, and I stopped searching for external validation.
Shortly thereafter, a very handsome man found me on match.com (true story). After a couple months of long distance communication, we went on our first date. After dinner, we went for a walk on the beach (YES!) and we shared a kiss that I will never forget. It was that HUGE moment I talked about earlier, and I was certain in that moment that he was it for me.
And so he is.
We go above and beyond – just for the sake of LOVE – and it’s a beautiful thing. When it’s TRUE LOVE, it never feels like homework. I LOVE expressing my LOVE for Brad (surprise birthday parties, random gifts, planting love notes in his wallet, and daily affection), but I also LOVE being in LOVE with ME. How do you celebrate your Self? What do you do to receive instant LOVE, affection, gratitude, and TLC? I wanna hear all about it in the comments section below. If you have been searching for external LOVE, I want you to tell me how you’re changing that NOW!!!
BeYOUtiful. Be YOUnique. And remember to:
Love all that is you,
Jenna Phillips is a Total Wellness Philosopher, Certified Holistic Lifestyle Coach, AFAA Certified Personal Trainer & the founder of her lifestyle brand I’m On A Mission. Follow her on Twitter and be inspired.