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Be Patient With Love!

Michael Eisen professional shot032812The Uni-verse has certainly thrown me a lot of curve balls the past couple of years when it comes to love and romantic relationships, and I certainly have learned so much about love and myself from all of them. I believe that life always brings us exactly what we need when we need it, and I also believe that all of my past relationships have truly prepared me to finally step into a place where I can feel a deep, profound love for another person and remain rooted in my connection with myself and the divine at the same time.

Just a few months ago, the most beautiful, angelic, loving, genuine, open, self-aware, caring, light-filled (and the list goes on and on) woman came into my life and knocked my socks off! I swear my heart skipped a beat the first time I saw her face and heard her voice. As our connection grew stronger and our hearts opened wider, I was gifted an incredible opportunity to finally, once and for all, change how I think, speak and act when so deeply in love.

Looking back on my past relationships I realized that I never allowed love to develop slowly or naturally. I would always dive head first and try to jump ahead to the happily ever after part. I wasn’t interested in playing games, or even allowing feelings to grow organically. I knew what I ultimately desired and I wanted it now! I was an all or nothing kind of guy and felt like I had to be the one to make love happen. I was so intense and loved so big at times that I even scared off some girls on the first date.

As time went by I evolved in my approach to love and thankfully there were some brave girls who decided to dive in with me. I was the guy who would fall head over heels in love, and it would become incredibly difficult to be in love and do anything else. The challenge was that I never felt like my love was fully matched and reciprocated by any partner I was with. But instead of shifting my approach and giving it time to breathe and grow on its own, I let the fear of losing the love drive me into doing whatever I could to make it last; holding onto it for dear life. This is how I gave away my power.

After another relationship ended at the beginning of this year I decided to go within, do some deep healing, and get really clear on why I was having trouble being patient with love. In this time of deep healing I realized that the reason I had trouble letting love grow organically was because I was afraid of not being loved at all.

When you do not remain connected to the love within yourself and the love of the divine while in a relationship with another, you can often feel desperate to be loved. And in all my past relationships I unconsciously looked to my partner to be my primary source of love and forgot to stay rooted in my own self-love and love from the divine.

I was tired of understanding this concept but not seeing any changes actually occur in the way I was interacting and communicating in a relationship. I felt so ready for a true conscious partnership and it was finally time to stop the cycle and step into a whole different experience with love.

I was done with getting swept away by the fairy tale and the possibility and I most certainly no longer wanted to lose myself in love. I was ready to stop falling in love and RISE in love instead!

So when love came knocking at my door just a few months ago, I finally felt ready to greet it differently. My self-awareness was stronger than ever before, giving me the ability to re-program the old habits and patterns with a level of confidence I had yet to experience. I felt the old approach to love fading fast and it was incredibly liberating. I no longer looked for the relationship and my partner to be my one and only source of love. I remained deeply rooted in the love I felt for myself and the Uni-verse each step of the way, and it was my daily practices (mindfulness, affirmations, checking in with my feelings, monitoring and shifting thought patterns and meditation) that kept me anchored in this new approach.

Every time I expressed my love for her, I mirrored it right back at myself. And the most beautiful thing of all was that anytime imbalance, impatience or attachment tried to creep in, I had the awareness to pick up on it before it spun out of control. Step by step, day by day, I patiently let the love we felt for each other continue to grow and strengthen at its own pace, staying present and embracing the power of each new moment.

I can happily share with you today that this relationship continues to amaze me in every single way. I am more in love with her than I have ever been with anyone else, because I am more in love with myself. I realized that I can no longer be rejected or abandoned when the divine is my true source of love.

Loving a person is like loving a wave but loving the divine is like loving the ocean. The more you are anchored in the love of the ocean, the higher you can rise in love with the wave!

I finally see the true power in being patient with love and patient with life. I still dream of our possible future together, but I no longer attach to it. I bring myself back to the present moment and let everything unfold in whatever way it is supposed to.

After all, the best things in life are always worth waiting for.

Michael Eisen

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Michael Eisen is the founder of the Youth Wellness Network, an organization dedicated to inspiring and empowering youth across the globe to live happier and more positive lives. Michael is also the co-author of Empowered YOUth: A Father and Son’s Journey to Conscious Living. To learn more about Michael and the Youth Wellness Network, visit: www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca, connect with him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter: @youthwellnet .

 

 

  • Darlene

    Michael, this was beautifully written! I am so happy that you shared this today, as this was what I needed to hear! Thank you so much.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thanks Darlene SO happy it helped!!!

  • val

    Wow! Awesome!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thanks Val!!!

  • Glenn

    Hi Michael , have we met before, am I a reflection of you? Your words have hit a home run & I was on your team in a sense as I too was like you. It takes a lot to admit that from me & since February this year I’ve embraced a new awareness & transformation. I lost someone very close to my heart through what youve spoken of:( I’ve remained celibate since by choice as I needed to be able to think with my first brain not my second. It’s far from easy I can assure you as I feel as I have a neon sign saying “off limits” above my head when out lol. It has allowed me to become a wiser man. I used to be an Scorpio extra vert & now I’ve lost my tail somewhere….where has it disappeared too:) what i considered once to be confidnce was in part ego-i never even knew it till i walked the spiritual path. I no longer am an extrovert & also cut my drinking(I still have a glass of wine occasionally) down to a bare minimum. What a difference life has become for me. I’ve lost 25kg & mostly muscle mass through my hectic résumé & now I’m a ball of wire who is slowly becoming a man of integrity.

    Thank you Michael for allowing me to share this with you as your post has been the closest one that has mirrored who I am since reading TDL. Why now I wonder….miracles happen everyday & you’ve only reinforced my belief I’m on the right path. I wish you all the happiness & love in your new found relationship.

    • Teresa

      I wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU!!! A Scorpio male making such realizations to learn and grow passed ego is wonderful … I’ve dated Scorpios and it wasn’t pleasant but with that being said I also realize that just because someone is a Scorpio doesn’t automatically mean they are all the same… I’m happy to see a man writing on TDL… We need more male energy here to grow, learn and evolve . Welcome:-) I hope you have a wonderful day !!!

      • David Glenn

        Thank you so much for your compassionate words Teresa.You don’t know how much your words mean to me as its been the most rewarding yet hardest journey I’ve ever walked along. Without someone special(soulmate) that I used to know who i pushed away sadly due to many sad circumstances, they revealed the TDL website & I doubt I would be here today standing before you a “new man”. Bloody watery eyes…life’s most traumatic emotional lessons really do give you a chance to change if you so desire. I never used to believe that even reading it on TDL.

        May I ask you a question? Or anyone that reads this? Since embracing spiritualism & Christianity(recently baptised;) I have become even more “aware” of everything from others words & actions, my not reacting to negativity & a big one for myself is being non-judgemental. I fitted the “Scorpio mode to a tee”. It scares the living crap out of me as its overwhelming being so in tune with my inner self. I now understand how women feel when their emotions are running high? Sometimes I wonder if its better to be ignorant as emotionally I’ve never been such a yoyo. Oh & my name above is my real name as I need not hide behind a mask anymore.

        P.S. I also didn’t belief much in the star signs but I now believe they do play a role as if its a base line to start with. Even learning from my life/spiritual coach my Enneagram fits like a snug sock. Guess what number I am. Seven, & that’s been my favourite number my whole life & one other one…literally “One” which is where I’m heading towards on the Enneagram. From an “Enthusiast(7) to a Reformer(1)”. Happiest day in many months. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again. The Daily Love is my daily medicine.

        • Teresa Brown

          Glenn, I love your honesty and how you are able to express the changes that you have been going through. After reading the original article I feel as though i have more motivation to make changes! Thank you for you honesty!!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Hi Glenn! Thank you SO much for sharing your story I am thrilled to hear that by sharing my own story it inspired you to share yours openly as well! Miracles indeed happen every day and they flow to your life with ease and grace. I wish you continued happiness and joy on your journey my friend!

  • Laurie

    Thank you! I needed to see this today….I especially like the part that says loving a person is like loving the wave, but loving the ocean is loving the divine! Beautiful!!!!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      So happy you got something positive from the blog Laurie! That line is indeed a powerful one and rings so deeply and true for me!

  • Dee

    Powerful message and beautifully documented.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thanks Dee! Much appreciated!

  • Karen

    I could have written the first half of your article …. I have often sabotaged love relationships. :( This is one TDL article I am saving to read over and over again. Thank you.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thank you so much Karen I am SO happy that by sharing my lessons and experiences that it is able to help you and others out!!! Keep being patient with love :)

  • Dawn

    I loved this! I was in a similar mindset as well. And I loved hearing a man’s perspective on this—-

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      SO happy you liked it Dawn and got something positive from reading! Thanks for sharing!

  • Prosper Miller

    WOW! I started crying on the very first sentence. I’m right there right now!!!! I’ve been in several relationships over the years and I can honestly say I lost myself in each one of them in hopes that the fairy-tale would eventually become my reality. Last month I was at the SFO Airport on my way back to Atlanta and ran into someone I dated from over 10 Years ago. We exchanged numbers and have talked on the phone everyday since then. Needless to say we went from sparking up a new relationship, to relocating him to Atlanta, to getting married and having a baby all in the same breath. I fell fast and hard for this man because he was doing and saying all the right things and once again I’m LOST IN LOVE! He recently got a job in his home town and all of our plans rapidly changed and now it feels like he’s fallen FLAT from the HIGH we were on.

    My heart has been on a emotional roller coaster ride with no seat belt and I WANT OFF! I’m a successful Business Woman that never had the support from family or past relationships and I keep finding myself on a new path heading straight towards pain. I don’t think it has been intentional but when disappointment is all you know unfortunately you find your self running back to what is familiar. Finding the courage to except the love from my children and the Divine as being MORE THAN ENOUGH is my new Mantra. This experience with this man is still very fresh but I woke up this morning and found your article. I believe in divine intervention and today was MY DAY to begin the healing process. Thank you so much for sharing your story it has made a huge impact on me and how I’m going to approach relationships from this day forward.

    Love & Light Prosper

  • http://www.prospermiller.com/ Prosper Miller

    WOW! I started crying on the very first sentence. I’m right there right now!!!! I’ve been in several relationships over the years and I can honestly say I lost myself in each one of them in hopes that the fairy-tale would eventually become my reality. Last month I was at the SFO Airport on my way back to Atlanta and ran into someone I dated from over 10 Years ago. We exchanged numbers and have talked on the phone everyday since then. Needless to say we went from sparking up a new relationship, to relocating him to Atlanta, to getting married and having a baby all in the same breath. I fell fast and hard for this man because he was doing and saying all the right things and once again I’m LOST IN LOVE! He recently got a job in his home town and all of our plans rapidly changed and now it feels like he’s fallen FLAT from the HIGH we were on.

    My heart has been on a emotional roller coaster ride with no seat belt and I WANT OFF! I’m a successful Business Woman that never had the support from family or past relationships and I keep finding myself on a new path heading straight towards pain. I don’t think it has been intentional but when disappointment is all you know unfortunately you find your self running back to what is familiar. Finding the courage to except the love from my children and the Divine as being MORE THAN ENOUGH is my new Mantra. This experience with this man is still very fresh but I woke up this morning and found your article. I believe in divine intervention and today was MY DAY to begin the healing process. Thank you so much for sharing your story it has made a huge impact on me and how I’m going to approach relationships from this day forward.

    Love & Light Prosper

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      WOW!!! Thank you so much Prosper for sharing – I am so touched to know that my blog played a role in your journey and how you are going to approach love and relationships moving forward! Stay present in each moment every step of the way even if your romantic self wants to take you off to the future – stay present and watch how life always reveals what is in your highest and best good!!!

  • Teresa

    Truly enlightening share on this beautiful 4th of July!!! We can free ourselves from the binds of emptiness by allowing ourselves to be connected to the Universe and feel the embrace from the arms of the Universe… In doing so, we no longer search for love or have to PROVE ourselves to anyone else because the Universe will bring them to us:-) I have always said that my life life is riding a surf board on a huge ocean wave… There are highs and lows we ride, we sometimes crash and get emersed in the salty water of our tears but its at that moment we usually get broken open to the opportunity to grow within ourselves. We get back up on that surf board of life and ride again… I’m single as well. I’m loving myself and trying to be patient to see what the Universe has in store for me. I’m curious because I have surrendered. I’m not in control and realize each and every person in my past, present and future is a lesson to learn from… Boy Howdy!!! Have I ever !!! Yes, indeed:-) Thank you for this article. I appreciate the tips on how to stay true to ourselves when entering a new relationship so as NOT to get lost again… Have a wonderful day! I send you love.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you use the tips in future relationships and stay rooted in your connection with yourself and the divine!

  • caz

    I have met 2 people in succession who I feel were both perfect for me..one I truly feel was a soulmate. I killed it both times with my impatience bodering on desperation. Reading your words have given me hope.

    • Teresa

      I just wrote in my journal about this exact thing…with me, my impatience and unhappiness with myself resulted in running them away. It’s ok though, because I learned an important lesson about myself and made the change! A month ago I met someone that I believe is it, but I’m willing to take my time, relinquish control and let the Uni-verse handle it. I’m learning to take comfort in that if this one isn’t it, it’s ok…there is a better match for me and everything will work out when the time is right (and maybe he leads me to the person!). I’ve been celibate for almost 3 years now so believe me, I’m READY for this ‘dry spell’ to end…but I’m also willing to wait. I know it will be worth it.

      • Teresa

        I should be Teresa #2! Just realized that!

      • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

        Stay patient my friend – the best things in life are always worth waiting for :)

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      YES Caz there is always hope and we all have many soulmates in this life not just one. The universe is always conspiring FOR you not against you – those past relationships were lessons and milestones so you can step into the next one(s) with a new level of consciousness!

  • Stefanie

    AH!!! Talk about Divine timing. This has been me my whole life. I’m currently in a cycle of impatience and attachment… and ta-da! I read this. Thank you SO much for writing this and sharing your story. I so needed this.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thank you for sharing Stefanie! Happy that my blog helped and fulfilled what you needed to hear/see! Stay patient and stay grounded in your connection to the divine!

  • Sandra

    Beautiful article Michael! You are truly a manifester! Wonderful to hear that you are so happy!

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thank you Sandra!

  • Sami

    Hi Michael. To put it simply… You have changed me for the rest of my life. I am in tears reading this thinking I was the only one and wondering what the solution is. You have shown me the answer. I am eternally grateful. Thankyou. Xxx
    Sami

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Wow thank you Sami! I am so touched to read that my blog had such a powerful impact on your life!!! I am happy you found the answer! Stay present and stay grounded and most of all stay patient :)

  • lori

    Well Michael, you have just summed up my relationship history for the past 8 years. And I too, like one of your readers, took a year off from “guy searching” to reflect on what each failed relationship had taught me. I entered my last one with what I thought was so much more wisdom, self-awareness, and self-control. But, it looks like I didn’t learn my lessons well enough, because the same thing eventually happened again.
    I really, really want to believe that their is a divine love that will bring everything to us when it’s time. I just have so many doubts and have become very cynical over the years. Any advice to fix that?
    Thank you for your articles. They are very inspiring, and very comforting because they let me know that I’m not the only one having such difficulty navigating my journey.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Lori – the cynicism is coming from your ego clouding your faith in something bigger aka the universe. It is your mind’s way of trying to convince you not to change or that you don’t even need to change or that its not possible. Every new relationship is a new opportunity to learn and grow and although the same pattern repeated does not mean you did not evolve! Take the lessons, integrate them – and stay rooted in your practices! I highly suggest developing a daily or semi-consistent routine of mindfulness/personal growth/spiritual practices! This will lead you back to a path of faith and trust and the rest will unfold from there!

  • kattieb

    wow—amazing insight and exactly what I am going through :)

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thanks Kattieb Glad you were able to resonate with it!

  • Latoya

    Finally this is exactly what I needed to hear and understand why I do the very same thing. But now I have a chance to grow with someone with the potential of doing this right!! Wow ill have to print and read over and over. Thank you so much! Your a blessing

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      SO happy you will be practicing this approach moving forward! YES to conscious relationships that build and grow organically and naturally – directed by not just each other but the path of grace through the divine!

  • Shelly

    Michael, add yet another soul to the list this spoke directly to. Impatience and attachment sums it up. I, like all of us tuned into the Daily Love, am on a Divine journey including practicing mindfulness, affirmations, checking in with my feelings, monitoring and shifting thought patterns and meditation as you suggest. I feel like I’ve come so far and am really clear on what I want to manifest into my life. I feel very connected to myself and to the Divine, but still feel impatient and attached at times. I’m intrigued by your pracitice of “I decided to go within, do some deep healing, and get really clear on why I was having trouble being patient with love”. Maybe that is what I’m missing. What did that process look like? How did you go about it?

  • Teresa Brown

    I absolutely love this article. On the way to read it again!!! It is definitely time to go within and do some deep healing. I am a 37 yr old divorced woman with no children. My marriage happened because I did not want to be alone. I realized that being alone was no different than being in a marriage with someone I didn’t trust. So I made the decision to end my marriage. It hasn’t been easy because I realized a long time ago that I WAS a woman who did not feel complete without a man in my life. But I KNOW now that I have some work to do to change that mentality. So thank you for penning your journey….. You will never know how much it helped me!

  • natacha

    This IS definitely the greatest teaching of my day!!!! “Learning to love yourself…it is the greatst love of all” :)

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Indeed it is Natacha!!!

  • Madeleine Chenier

    Beautiful!!!! Thank you and enjoy! Hugs ;)

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thank you Madeleine!

  • Kelly

    Well, I have to say that this article is a gift from the Universe today. Sometimes we are seeking answers and explanations and then poof, you receive the final piece of the puzzle. As a seeker, one who dives deep and is always looking for the lesson, always seeking the reason, wanting to connect the pick up sticks the universe seems to randomly drop- it can become maddening when we are impatience and simply have to sit in the hallway of the unknown. You’ve left one doorway- can’t see whats behind the next and it can truly be “hell in the hallway”. I feel so certain that I know what I want from a relationship, I feel certain that the universe is working for my best interest at all times- I think its finally arrived- ride the roller coaster for about 4 weeks and then- crash! This article explains the crash- I can so relate to the ecstasy of thinking “this is it! its finally here!” Patience, detachment, enjoying the process. These are the lessons of loving myself. I am sitting more- with myself- releasing limiting belief after limiting belief- all of which compartmentalize my life and thus myself- sending a message that if you are this- you can’t be that. That is just a lie. We are all- we can have everything our hearts desire- if we just keep saying yes to what we want more of and then let the universe deliver- in its own special way. There are no mistakes, only love lessons.
    My mantra: I celebrate myself- all the pieces and parts. Thank you for your honesty and allowing others to know themselves better because you dared to “expose” yourself.
    Bravo- kelly

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      Thank you so much Kelly for sharing and your kind words! I love your mantra too! Keep the self-love train rolling and a big YES as life is just one big lesson in love – as we are all love in our essence! Blessings to you on your journey inward!

  • c.wright.thru.u.

    infinite Divine blessings of ever-increasing love, light, wellbeing, perfection, wholeness, success, abundance, freedom, and ascension to ALL, now and always.

    • http://www.youthwellnessnetwork.ca/ Michael Eisen

      YES same back to you!

  • Max

    Hi, maybe this is an old article, maybe I’m pretty late too. But I have a similar situation. And I hope someone can tell me this is similar enough.

    Alright, I’m only 17, but I’m always falling in love. And when I was younger I would really scare them away, but even now, when I feel I learned so much I seem to screw it up. A new girl at work send me a message on Facebook about how she thought something I wrote was hilarious, That was great to hear, I never met her, but it’s logical you like someone immediately after this. When I first saw her at work we had our break at the same time, we talked a lot and the conversations got pretty deep. Very special for a first time. We also went home at the same time so we cycled together. Well as fast as it goes with me. I knew she was great. But somehow it was different. I know, I know, that sounds stupid. With every girl I met I thought: Yes but this is different. But this was the first girl I wasn’t interested in from the first day, everyone was always talking about her blue eyes but really, until much later I didn’t care that much for her looks. Now I know myself, so I thought: Whatever happens, it’s okay if she stays your friend. During our hour-long conversations she told me so many times she didn’t want a boyfriend. How she didn’t need it. But I thought: “I can change that.”

    Then one day I went drinking with some friends, we shared all our stories, you know how it goes. And this girl from 20 gave me a ‘don’t-give-up’-speech, and took care of me. (I drank too fast because I’m not used to alcohol.) So it really felt like she was my second mother or something. And I felt loved too. After that experience, one of my first too. It felt like an eye-opener. Did I really need someone, or can I actually be happy with just friends. I thought, maybe I just don’t have enough love from my parents and I seek it in girls. A week went by without thinking about the girl from work. Some time later I baked something and put a photo on Facebook. She wanted to taste it but it we already finished it, so she just had to come over one day to make it again. I started calling this day ‘the date’. Not in front of her of course. We had to move it though because a friend of her was sick. I didn’t really care, because I was still confused about the feelings I had for the 20-yer-old girl that helped me so well in the café. But I thought about that and realised I was drunk, and lonely. I was free this week, and Wednesday we went to a poolnight organized by some colleagues. Because the girl from work lives just one street away from my house we cycled together of course. We we’re too late so they put us together as a team. We had a great evening but one of my friends started to suspect something between us. So he was looking at me the entire time with his dirty smile. So she started to suspect something too. And she asked, just to be sure because we would have our ‘date’ two days later. That I did see her as a friend. I tried to say it as convincing as I could but it probably looked stupid.

    After that we talked, and talked, and talked. And because I knew she really didn’t feel anything at all, I could die. We talked about my problems, her problems, I tried to convince her. All the things we had in common. Both poor, both feeling trapped in the society. And she admitted that we we’re very alike. I think the only difference between us is: She doen’t love me. She got hungry so we went to a café. I needed some alcohol by now. But some stupid new rule in The Netherlands stopped me from drinking because I’m not 18. After some time she told me about her boyfriend. I was very confused because she said she didn’t love anyone. And she didn’t lie. She didn’t love her boyfriend, and her boyfriend didn’t love her. They both would be fine if they we’re just friends. He was just the boy she would choose if she would have to. So I wondered: Why not me, but him. An apparently the most important reason was: He didn’t love her too, so there was no pressure, she didn’t have to keep him happy or something. When she wanted to show me a picture I almost fainted, she asked me if I was alright, and I said I was, but then burst in tears. I already told her everything about my past and my lovelife in the past. And her suggestion was to see a psychiatrist, because according to her it wasn’t just love that went wrong. But many other things that made me need her so badly. I made myself believ it was okay to be just friends at the beginning. But I fell in love again, it was just another same story. In the meantime our date grew from just baking something to: Baking something, drinking sake and choosing a random place on the map, and just going there without navigation. We made each other different human beings, but for her it was just friendly, that whole time. Of course she didn’t think it was a good idea to continue this ‘date’. SHe wanted me to rest from the shock some time first, until I didn’t love her anymore.

    So she left me alone for a couple of days. This happened Wednesday. Thursday was hell, I went drinking with the usual club and told them everything, doubled my ‘alcohol-record’ and went to bed for 1 hour of nightmares. Then I was lying on the ground in my room between some filthy clothes and other garbage all Friday, the day we would actually have our ‘date’. Spending most of the time talking to one of my best friends. Saturday I went to work, and guess who was there too. The first couple of hours I tried to avoid her, but on the inside I totally panicked, and I couldn’t do anything without dropping stuff or ruining it. So, it must have looked very weird, but I started to talk in myself. And I just said things like: “It’s fine to be friends with her, it will be great. We’re gonna have a great time.” And it worked, I gained some confidence and she cycled home with me that day. But it wasn’t a nice conversation like before. I told her I wanted to bake and drink sake with her soon, that I was over it. But of course I wasn’t, who was I kidding. I loved her, and I still do while writing this. She wouldn’t buy it too.

    My best friend knows everything now, and also background information about the father I miss and so on. And he told me I still make a chance, with that same girl. And he’s not giving just another advice like best friends do. He’s not telling me what I want to hear. He said: “She thinks your friends, that’s obvious. But, even after you got really emotional and even when she knows you love her she stayed your friend. And still is. That must mean you’re really good friends, and maybe she will develop feelings for you.” First I thought what he said was weird. I argued about it with him. And said what I didn’t like about it. I had two decicions.

    1. I give up, it would be a month or two in total misery and I’d try not to see her too often. But then it would be over.

    2. I don’t give up, become “friends” with her and try to ignore the pain of being just friends until she started to love me back.

    Both decicions would give me an extreme heartache eventually. I could choose for the long path or for the short path. And the only reason to choose the long one is to at least have her as a friend. But of course this wpuld hurt too because I would Always be hoping to have her as something more. And eventually I wouldn’t be able to cope with that so I’d eventually still end up choosing 1.

    It may sound childish, but I just can’t live with only a friend, to talk about a girl I met. And then that girl also rejects me, and with her I talk about a new girl I met and so it becomes a vicious circle, and I end up with a thousand female friends who rejected me some time in the past. But then my friend said something, and that gave me a genius idea.

    What if you choose none of the two options. I thought, it must be possible to keep her as a friend, without staying in love with her. So my plan was to give her what she wants: Just levae her alone for a couple of weeks, whatever, for a months if she liked to. Just until the moment she actually misses me, as a great friend. Because she does, she was really looking forward to that Friday. In the time I don’t see her I ‘lose’ my love for her, and become ready to be just friends. So instead of being friends with her in pain, I become friends because I want to. This sounds really simple but for me it always was: Relation, or nothing.

    So we are friends now, I lost almost all my hope trying to get a relation with her. But not all of it, I wrote down exactly what I want to do, and what I must do. And if I read that I think I can hold on for the next couple of months, being just friends with her. And when we’re really good friends, I will try to bring back some romance. And who knows. But the most important thing is: I will have to be patient, because one day I will get her, she must realise one day how perfect we are together. And it just can’t be that it will never cross her mind that we start a relation together in the next couple of months.

    I saw this article because I wanted to train myself with patience, knowing that even in the most positive scenario my little ‘plan’ will take centuries. Especially with someone who doesn’t really need love. And my only question is: Is this similar enough?

    I don’t need to know if my plan is good, or bad, or stupid or weird. I just have to try. I can’t take no for an answer, not again. I don’t want to be only friends, and I don’t want to leave her at all to find a new girl in a month or three where exactly the same thing is gonna happen. Too much hope hurts, and with not enough hope I will stay alone all my life.

    All I have to know is: Is it realistic? Is it similar enough to your story? Can we still let love grow naturally even though she knows I used to love her?

    Thank you for taking the time to read this, if you did. And I’m looking forward to your answers.

  • Amhaup99

    Hi all – great article, this type of transformation I am just embarking on. I have fallen in the old way of love for a woman that I can not be with right now because of circumstance. She is in love with me as well, although because of my anxious-attachment that I have shown toward her, I after a few months became worried and anxious about ‘us’ as opposed to living the moment with patience. Now I’ve always been impatient and have been with her as well, although I was making progress mostly because the circumstance she/we are in doesn’t allow us to begin a “normal” relationship and thus delays any attachment to a degree, which is really a blessing in disguise. I’ve had to be patient because I don’t have any control of her doing the things she needs to do to allow us to become us. I’ve made some mistakes and given in to my emotional hunger and pushed things and she needs space right now to get her things straightened out and then I’m hopeful her and I can become us. She is beginning filing bankruptcy and filing for divorce, in case you were wondering. I guess my patience is being tested because she holds all the cards… But in reality I guess it is Uni-Verse… Complicating all this is I worked for her at a small studio until we’ve agreed I should take a month off, her husband has been following her and errands all her texts and emails so I was down to only communicating with her at the studio, but now I only see her maybe once a week instead of six times… It’s a real test for me… We are very opposite people in many ways, but we have this great balance toward each other that is apparent when we are together and I hope that we can give this a real shot to rise with love. Yet, I am still afraid because it’s up to her if she leaves her situation and comes to me, I believe her and she says she is, but I’m just trying to breathe and enjoy whatever time I get with her.

  • Fran

    This was just what I needed to read Michael. I have known this woman for a year and a bit, I am also a woman, she’s wonderful and I feel a deep connection to her. Unfortunately she has some intimacy issues so has pushed away on two occaissions. Now we are spending time together again, it’s been two months and I do find myself doing the whole… ‘oh but we should be doing this by now, I should be sleeping at her place’ etc. All that stuff, so your article saying to let things grow and not worry about the outcome, well…it comes at a good time as I am resisting the urge to straight up just try to navigate things into a romantic arena when if I listen to myself and see ‘us’ outside of myself, things are progressing and are good…just not at light speed :) So thanks, I think I can hang in a bit longer now as I really want to.