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Comparison Is A Killer, Cut It Out

From the shape of our cells to the swirl of our fingerprints, each human is profoundly, almost incomprehensibly unique. In all the eons of time, amongst trillions of human eggs that have been fertilized and hatched … there is only one you: microscopically remarkable, positively unrepeatable, original, and…beyond compare.

Role models are useful. They are lighthouses when dream-chasing gets cloudy, they are proof of stamina and magic. But emulation is tricky terrain. I have a friend, an aspiring novelist and brilliant writer in her own right, who said to me once that she wanted to be the “Canadian Anne Lamott,” I said, “Why don’t you just be the global You?”

We must have the daring to be nothing but ourselves if we are to know what true power is.

Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren’t so busy shadow-boxing with the people who you think have it better. Would you compare a snowflake to a snowflake to decide which was more beautiful and unique? No two snowflakes are the same.

Comparison is a slippery slope to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envy trust-fund babies and my friends with rich parents. “Poor me…no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made…” Yack. Whatta waste of mind space – space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.

So here’s the freedom-generating habit to stop comparing and to melt envy:

1. When you’re tempted to compare yourself to others, stave off the comparing by feeling your way into your dream. Rather than comparing, imagine. Imagine yourself feeling the way you want to feel – successful, brilliant, artistically free, earthy, healthy, connected. That’s it. You’re not making yourself less than or more than anyone else – you’re simply giving yourself permission to want what you want.

2. Bless the people you feel envious of – the rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that…,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go…you look great…I admire you.” With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.

Love,

Danielle

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Danielle LaPorte is the outspoken creator of The Desire Map, author of The Fire Starter Sessions (Random House/Crown), co-creator of Your Big Beautiful Book Plan and soon-to-be publisher of DANIELLE Magazine, launching in early 2014. An inspirational speaker, former think tank exec and business strategist, she writes weekly at DanielleLaPorte.com, where over a million visitors have gone for her straight-up advice — a site that’s been deemed “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality,” and was named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes.

You can also find her on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter @daniellelaporte.

  • itsswami

    This is Awesome. I like how you say you should bless people you compare yourself to. Being grateful for others is the best way to succeed yourself. namaste .

    • The Daily Love

      So true, Swami! Have a great day! -Team TDL

  • Iva

    Beautiful..thank you for the reminder that we all have so much going for ourselves if we just take the time to look within and remember what’s good about us – me. We matter. I matter.

    • The Daily Love

      You definitely do matter Iva :) Never forget that! -Team TDL

  • Todd St George

    Nice article Danielle.

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed it Todd! -Team TDL

  • Valerie

    thanks for sharing, insightful. your 2nd tip reminds me of something i read by the author Florence Scovel Shinn – back in 1925 (yes, 1925!) she wrote a book “The Game of Life and How to Play It”. 1925!! In it she wrote we should see only God in every person, and instead of good morning – or to avoid the envy as you mentioned – say “I salute the Divinity in you”. It is similar to what you say – we should bless those we feel envious of.

    • Neno

      ” I salute the Divinity in you” I love it! :-)

    • The Daily Love

      Wow Valerie, thank you so much for sharing! -Team TDL

  • Michelle

    Thank you for the reminder.

    • The Daily Love

      We’re so glad Danielle’s words inspired you today! -Team TDL

  • Terry Lee Cafferty

    I just love you Danielle! xo

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for spreading the love Terry, we’re sure Danielle appreciates it! WE also love YOU! ;) -Team TDL

  • Rob Elings

    excellent article – one word; soothing my soul

    • The Daily Love

      So happy it had that effect on you Rob :) -Team TDL

      • Rob Elings

        She’s (Danielle) pretty much to blame for having found and entered the path we’re all traversing here I fell — and TDL is providing a huge platform for sharing it. Awesome you!

  • Jodi Sky

    Great article. I love your writing style, Danielle

    • The Daily Love

      Isn’t she fantastic Jodi? :) -Team TDL

  • http://emilylofgren.com/ Emily Lofgren

    Awesome message, Danielle!!

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed it Emily :) -Team TDL

  • Maria

    So true! I think also saying to the person ” wow, you inspire me” helps to avoid that envy in the first place. When we want what someone else has it is because we can be inspired to have it, if only we let ourselves feel it, express it, and go for what is right for us… no need to feel envious, you have the potential too.

    • The Daily Love

      That’s a great way to look at envy Maria! You have a great head on your shoulders :) -Team TDL

  • Ida

    Loving every word… …as usual!:)

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed the article Ida :) -Team TDL

  • Kathy www.yinyangmother.com

    Danielle – as always you are so very wise. Love turning turning envy energy into the power of imagination – it’s all just energy, depends on how we apply it.

    • The Daily Love

      Very true Kathy! -Team TDL

  • http://BlissedOutBelle.com/ Shawna Kaye: BlissedOutBelle.c

    Comparison is poison! When we compare it gives us a false sense of defeat, and we block our own blessing because we’re busy trying to measure up to someone else’s. With that being said, a majority of the time we have no idea what we’re really comparing ourselves against. As in the Steven Furtick quote: “The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” And this is exactly what most people do; but if we took the time to go within and appreciate our own unique one-of-a-kind self we would see there is no need to compare. We are all gifted in our own way, and it’s not until we realize this truth will we be able to be freed of the burden of comparison.

    • The Daily Love

      So insightful Shawna! Thank you for sharing that great quote! -Team TDL

  • http://janicemacleod.com/ Janice MacLeod

    My inner critic is named Nigel and he has an English accent. When I catch Nigel comparing, my inner mother says, “Knock it off!” and I am reminded to spend more time on my own dreams. Nigel simmers down.

    • The Daily Love

      Good for you Janice! -Team TDL

  • Stephanie

    Wow, that is soooo gooood! Right on the money, Danielle (as always)

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed it Stephanie :) -Team TDL

  • Nell Desmond

    Strong souls is such a great term. Such gravitas and resonance. I worked with strong souls for many years and was blessed every day I walked into my job. Anyone interested in learning more about strong souls please listen to http://www.onbeing.org/program/wisdom-tenderness/234.
    Jean Vanier is a hero and speaks to the blessings strong souls are and the perspective on life they can provide us with.

    • The Daily Love

      Strong souls IS a great term Nell! Thank you for sharing! -Team TDL

  • http://www.getkare.com/ GetKare

    Just beautiful. Strong soul, yes. And blessed – to live unabashedly, “…independent of the good opinion of other people.” – Maslow We should all take notes from Jerry.

    • The Daily Love

      Yes we should Kare :) -Team TDL

  • Christine Merritt

    Beautiful.

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you liked it Christine! Danielle does write beautifully. -Team TDL

  • Sarah

    Beautiful!!

    • The Daily Love

      So glad you enjoyed it Sarah! Have a wonderful day! -Team TDL

  • Belinda

    My son is a strong soul. This has made me cry. I KNOW he is here as a gift to the world and as my teacher. Most of the time I can live in joy with that higher purpose in mind and feel honoured that I am his mum but at times I want all of the things for him that you say you want for Jerry and it breaks my heart. Life is at once painful and sweetly deeply beautiful.

    • The Daily Love

      Incredibly true Belinda. We believe in your son’s strength, and yours as well! -Team TDL

  • http://www.DrSuzanneGelb.com/ Dr Suzanne Gelb

    A beautiful reminder to respect, not judge. Humbling. And so loving. Thank you.

    • The Daily Love

      Exactly Suzanne! So glad you were able to be humbled by Danielle’s beautiful words! -Team TDL

  • Gina

    Well, what a great story Danielle! Deep and insightful. I am a nurse, and I encounter strange and difficult people often. I am thankful that I can activate compassion and a sense of “not knowing”. What I see is not the whole of a complete, beloved, and eternal soul of that being., as you do with Jerry. What a mystery certain parts of life are. Cheers!

    • The Daily Love

      Wonderful Gina! We are inspired by you :) -Team TDL

  • Aurelio

    Wow… Thank you, Danielle, for sharing your mother’s insightful words: “Strong soul… People like that have souls that can take it.”… LOve, Aurelio.

  • Cecilia

    THANK YOU, Danielle!

    This made me smile so much, it’s changed my day!

    I salute the Divinity in you!

  • Kelly Pietrangeli

    Fab article! 5 years ago 2 friends and I decided to meet once a month for the ‘soul purpose’ of tackling any issues in our lives and staying on top of our goals and dreams.

    It’s not a gossip session or even a time to chat and catch up. We set a timer and each take our turn. It’s been an amazing experience and we each credit our monthly sessions with how much we’ve grown, taken charge of our problems, become proactive and are achieving so much!

    I moved abroad 3 years ago and with the magic of Skype we’re never missed a session yet. We’ve even launched our own website in September called Project Me where we teach and inspire other women to become the Project Managers of their Life. Power to the Power Posse!!!