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Daily Share – A Letter To My Boyfriend!

 

I am angry with my boyfriend right now. Seething. This is so uncomfortable to keep in. I cannot express this to him night now because he is overworked today and I’m scared of the way it will land on him, and I am too angry to deliver the message in a loving way. So it goes here for now.

___________________________________________________________

Dear Boyfriend,

I don’t feel supported by you right now and I think it is unfair that I have been holding lots of space for you but when it’s your turn I don’t get it back. It was not fair that when I came to you for love and support yesterday the conversation became about how tired you are and how you need your space. The message I got from that was “I’m too tired to deal with you so don’t ask me for anything.” It hurt me to feel like I was a burden, or that couldn’t make a request, and that it seems like keeping your space is more important to you than supporting me through a hard time. I see that you are overworked and exhausted (which is why I am not telling you this right now) and it is unfortunate timing for me that when I need you to be the stronger person you can’t be. But I would like to feel as important as all those other things you have to do.

I guess it comes down to feeling like right now you are more important than me in this relationship and I am NOT OKAY WITH THAT. I am not okay with how at the end of the night it ended as “too bad i’m so tired, and too bad you are so sad, so too bad for you.”

I take responsibility that I wasn’t clear in what kind of support I wanted so these are my requests to you:

1. When I am feeling sad please ask, “what can I do to help you?”

(Why thanks for asking love! What you can do today is to stay focused on your work and get as much as you can done so we can have some quality time together this weekend. Also please try to be strong for me. You are in a more emotionally grounded situation than me so I need you to go easy on me, be encouraging, and remind me that everything is going to be okay. You can also help me by reminding me that I am important to you.)

2. When I do receive that inevitable bad news, I would like you come to me as soon as you can. I need to know that you will stop what you are doing and come to comfort me. I need to prepare for this because the grief is compounding and it is hard enough already. At least with this death I can prepare, and that’s what I have been trying to do.

Your support is valuable to me because nobody else can comfort me the way you do.

I love you.

With love,

Me

__________________________________________________________

If I was to verbalize this it sure wouldn’t come out as eloquent as this. I pray that sometime today I will be given the opportunity to say this to him and he will receive it with love. Last night, I did say a prayer for help and it was answered quickly by a friend who came to be with me, so I do acknowledge that the support I need is out there, I just need him to do his part too. Thank you for listening.

A TDL Reader

  • http://www.daykarobinsondesignsblog.com/ dayka

    i’m so sorry that your loved one is dying. i can’t imagine the pain of grieving while they’re alive yet still knowing there’s work to be done after the inevitable. my prayers are with you. :)

     your letter is perfect, clear & concise. maybe instead of trying to talk to him (and being worried that it won’t “come out right”) you could give him the letter instead–i would if i were you. it might help him to read your thoughts and process them (before speaking) versus entering a conversation and him being so focused on the “comeback” that he doesn’t really get a chance to process it & hear your heart. it’s quite possible that he really doesn’t know how to support you in this difficult time, and maybe he’s too afraid (or doesn’t know how) to say that. 

  • AC

    Because you find yourself in the midst of a grieving process right now, you must take extra special care of yourself.  You need to surround yourself with love and support.  This takes the form of (1) spending time with dear ones (whether it’s family, friends, or both) who can nurture you and (2) dedicating alone time to caring for yourself – physically, emotionally, and spiritually - and doing whatever it is that makes you feel grounded, safe, and attended to.  Right now, you might consider who in your life fits into category #1.  Nobody provides perfect support all of the time, but think about whether there is a pattern of lack of support in any of your relationships.

    Know that everyone who reads your poignant letter feels your sadness and pain; each one of those people is sending you a prayer of light and love to ease your suffering and help you find what you most need right now.  In a quiet moment, go into your heart and feel the love that all of these people are sending your way, including me.  Let it nurture and sustain you with the faith that you will find your way through.  We are all in this together! xoxo!

  • Spop

    I was touched by your post – deeply. I survived a loss this past year and the grief can be crippling. I applaud you for reaching out; a courageous feat in a time when you are feeling weak and vulnerable. It is said that you find out who your true friends are in death and divorce and for every person who may not be there for you, in just the way you need it, there will be another who rises to the occasion in ways you never thought imaginable. Really! Some people will just knock your socks off. Your letter expresses your feelings beautifully. I hope your boyfriend rises to the occasion. I hope you can find the comfort and love that you seek.

  • facialgirl

    Wow! So well said! I am going through  similar feelings, due to a temporary illness of my own. All I want is some recognition and comfort that I will be ok. You would hope that your partner could be there for you through it all. All week I have been pondering writing him a letter…. whether I end up sending it or not, it is always good therapy, as you have shown me.
    Thank you!

  • Redbrowneyes2009

    You are not alone.You have gave so many people the courage to write a letter as well as verbally.I see that you are such a loving and giving as well as supporting person. Im going though the same thing.Im sick and i am not getting the support i need either. In my situation i need to leave because its not heathly or productive for me. Because of your letter you have helped.I have been hanging on to something that is not good for me and my sons its draining me. I am sending prayers up for you and me.Im putting positive energy out there for because you are not alone. Thank you

  • Klp1937

    I pray that everything gets better!! And at some point u get to express it has to be killing you
    Keeping it inside I also pray that you get the results you need!!!

  • anon

    my heart goes out to you *big hugs*

  • marion

    i was reading this hopping that i can get a solution about how to deal with my selfish, lazy and insensitive bf… unfortunatly our discusions always end up feeling that i m wrong about my complainments, feeling more dissapointed than before; i ve tried with writting to him, but he either reads my letters in a hurry, without saying a thing about them or he just dumps them somewhere in his room. the last one liyed on his table for about a month, without even opening it. i eventualy took it back from him and distroyed it. it s been 2 months already and he didnt even notice that the letter is missing. i never brought it up again. i feel hopless and have the impresion that nothing will ever change. i m thinking about breaking up..