The reason I’m here is because I’m desperately confused. I have been with my fiance for almost 10 months and we recently moved 8 hours away from my hometown for his job. I won’t go into detail now, but the way we met and started dating is like something out of a movie (in my opinion).
However, for a few weeks before our move and ever since we got here one month ago, I have been very depressed. I have never had very many hobbies outside of reading, and I’m currently on the hunt for a job, so for now I spend my days alone at home, cleaning house, trying to avoid unhealthy foods (and failing half the time), and just waiting for my fiance to get home from work.
To sum it up, my life has been very mundane in a fish-bowl sense of the word. I KNOW that that aspect of things will improve once I settle in, get a job and start making friends. However, I’m also questioning the legitimacy of my relationship while all of this is happening. When I say I’ve been depressed, I mean DEPRESSED…like, crying every day / multiple times a day. Not to mention how irritable it makes me. I know I’m not easy NOR a pleasure to be around when I’m like this, but I feel somewhat abandoned by my fiance.
Even when we aren’t talking about my issues, and we both seem to be in good moods, he acts in a way that can bring me down. He loves to tease, but with my depression, I do NOT take well to teasing lately. I tell him the kind of extra love, sensitivity and attention I need, but he becomes defensive and says he feels like I’m telling him he’s not good enough and it makes him not want to give it to me. He really does try but the fact that I have to ASK for it really takes away from it. I understand that he is becoming frustrated with the whole situation, he’s only human and I know I seem determined to stay in this rut. Ugh. I’ve considered that maybe I should wait to reevaluate my relationship once I get all the other aspects of my life sorted out, THEN see how things with him feel.
My main reason for coming here is that I have a tendency to quit EVERYTHING when it gets too hard. I am so ashamed to say it, but I am a quitter. I quit diets, exercise, previous relationships, jobs, etc. I never power through the hard times, EVER. So, I have this gigantic and exhausting inner turmoil about whether this inkling of a breakup is legitimate, or if it’s just my low self esteem telling me to quit because that’s the easy way out? This depression has hit me in EVERY serious relationship I’ve ever been in. Then I break it off and I’m happy with the new guy until it all cycles back around.
So do I sit around and tough it out? Or am i really just not meant to be with him? I’m getting SO tired of this! I need some serious advice!
A TDL Reader