Daily Share – Are My Standards Too High?

TDL_FB-iconI stumbled across this site because I was curious if other people feel the way I do. Sorry if my concerns seems long-winded, but I’m just typing things as they come to mind. I’m a 24 year old guy, and I’m very confused about what I want and what I should do with my love life. I feel like my expectations for what a woman should be like are too high, but I can’t seem to lower them…I know that I shouldn’t have such high standards, and I sincerely feel guilty about it, like all the time.

I think of myself as a pretty attractive guy, as well as pretty intelligent (I’m doing fairly well in my classes), so I know I’m able to have relatively high standards (in terms of looks and compatibility). I have a girlfriend that I care about a lot, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her, but I can’t help but think all the time whether or not she’s the right person for me. I want a girl who is pretty (she doesn’t have to be a supermodel, but I’d like her to be close to my attractiveness as a guy), is my equal in intelligence and beliefs, and also likes to do the same things that I like to do.

I’m afraid that this woman doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s probably already with someone (probably taller than me lol). I try and try again to make the best out of the relationships that I have with girls, but I seem to be unable to make myself happy with anyone who doesn’t fit these requirements, and I hate it.

I’m just not sure what action I need to take…I’ve tried weighing my options. Do I stay with my girlfriend who I care about and who treats me well, but isn’t really my perfect match? I couldn’t just leave her if miss perfect came along, plus I can’t really put myself in situations where I can actually find miss perfect when I have a girlfriend.

Or, do I go back to being single and wait to find her? I’m hoping that medical school will help, since I’ll be surrounded by more people like myself. I’m just afraid that if I stay single and wait, she might never come. Then I’ll just be a lonely, miserable old man who couldn’t make the best out of what he was dealt. I know I sound shallow, whiny, and dramatic, but please, any advice you could give me would be much appreciated.

Thanks so much,

A TDL Reader

  • Good morning 🙂 It sounds like you need to set your current girlfriend free, if you truly feel that way, you’re being unfair to both of you! It also sounds like you’re holding on very tight to lots of rules and restrictions about what you think you want in a partner. Where there’s nothing wrong with that, there’s a possibility you’ll miss out on some wonderful relationship opportunities. Everyone in our lives presents us with an opportunity to learn something. Life is about how we interact with everyone who comes into our individual dream. First of all, there’s no such thing as the “perfect” partner and if you enter a relationship with those kinds of expectations, I guarantee you will at some point be VERY disappointed. When we place our happiness on things outside of us we will always eventually be disappointed. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. It really puts a LOT of pressure on a partner if they feel that they could possibly do something that could upset you. I know this sounds like a broken record, but maybe be single for a while? Work on truly loving every aspect of yourself and being your own best friend. Do you love and accept yourself unconditionally in this moment? Would you still love and accept yourself, for instance, if your looks were all of a sudden gone tomorrow? Love really does come from the inside out and when someone’s light truly shines, they’re a 10 in my book, regardless of their physical looks. Let go of what you “think” you want and just allow life to happen. Your higher self knows what’s best for you, and when you’re truly ready, she’ll blow your doors off regardless of how she looks 🙂 I hope some of this helps. Best to you on your journey, love your life and everyone in it!
    Love you, Carol

    • The Daily Love

      Carol, there is so much wisdom and greatness packed in here! Thank you for sharing this today! -TDL Team

  • It sounds to me that you not only have high standards, but you have doubts and insecurities about yourself. You feel “not good enough,” and therefore no one else is good enough for you either. What we SEE in the world is a mirror of ourselves.

    Before you think I’m just judging you, let me say I do get where you’re coming from. I’ve had similar thoughts and issues as you when I was younger (I’m 36 now, and been through many relationships). I think there is something inside of you, whether you’re aware of it or not, that is not happy. Not happy with YOU… not anyone else. And it’s manifesting in you thinking it’s OTHER people you’re not happy with.
    As they say, we tend to see the faults of others WAY before we see the faults of ourselves. And yet, the faults we pick up most in others, ARE our own faults that we most don’t want to see or believe we have.

    You made a tiny comment in your post about being afraid your “dream girl” is already with someone, and that someone is probably taller than you. I think that’s a point of insecurity for you for sure, and also in that comment I sensed that you’re not sure you deserve or will ever get a girl that is a perfect match for you. So you’re wondering if you should just “settle” and be happy with what you’ve got. No!

    First, if you’re having these doubts about your current girlfriend, and you’re with her pretty much because she’s “just ok” and you’re afraid of not finding someone better… let her go. She’s not the one for you. The right one for you IS out there, I am 100% certain. But before she will come into your life, you have to work on you. You have to be ready for her. You have to Love yourself so much, and be secure in who you are and what you have to offer, first. It all starts with you.

    It’s interesting b/c this fits very much into my own blog post I JUST wrote this morning. It also makes me think of the book I’m reading, “The Power,” by Rhonda Byrne. If you haven’t read that book, I highly suggest it! It’s short and easy reading.

    Our thoughts, and more importantly, our FEELINGS have major power in creating our lives. You can *think* you want a girl with all these qualities, but if you don’t believe you’ll get her… THAT is what will happen.

    My advice to you is to do some reading of inspirational type of books. I find that they help shape my thought pattern, and introduce new thoughts to me that I really need. “The Power” by Rhonda Byrne… and also “The Untethered Soul” by MIchael Singer have been two very powerful, life-changing books for me.

    Then, do some work with yourself. Work on loving yourself for exactly who you are (height and all). Then work on loving ALL people… but do not settle. You have standards for a good reason. You CAN find someone that meets them.

    Best of luck to you!

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for giving such and in-depth response to our fellow Daily Lover! We can feel your genuine desire to serve! -TDL Team

  • Kim

    Do you feel worthy of having what you desire? If you do, than the next step is to set yourself up for success by being open to what you desire. The person you desire cannot enter your life if that space is already taken by someone else. Trust that the person you desire will show up in your life. I would also allow for the possibility that what you desire in a mate may change as you grow and change. It sounds like you have many new opportunites ahead of you that will challenge your own growth. No need to rush to find a lifetime mate for fear of being alone someday. You don’t need to have it all figured out yet, be patient with yourself.

    • The Daily Love

      That’s great advice Kim!! Thank you for reading and sharing! -TDL Team

  • StillPractising

    Begin by becoming The Best Boyfriend anyone could hope for and then She will come. Take it as your priority to develop kindness, compassion and acceptance in you – towards you and all others. This simple advice will take you far, and you have the rest of your life to master these skills. The better you get, the more you’ll enjoy your life. You will appreciate your company on the way more – and see that the imaginary hierarchical categories you place people in (“not my level”) are just that – imaginary.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for sharing your insights with our Daily Share today! We appreciate you! -TDL Team