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Daily Share – Cannot Shake This Heavy Feeling In My Heart…

TDL_FB iconI am a young single mother. I’ve been through a lot of hard times that I came out of strong and confident. I’ve always prided myself in being able to allow myself to go through my emotions as needed (sad, happy, angry, confused, etc.) and then come out of them back into the motivated self I like to be. But lately I just cannot shake this very heavy feeling in my heart. It is so hard to get myself up in the morning, to get myself to join a gym, or to choose to eat healthy when in my head I know all the good things that could come with it. Four months ago I lost my aunt, who I deeply loved and admired, to cancer – and at the same time I lost my best friend over a misunderstanding. A year and a half earlier I lost my big brother’s company due to immigration issues – he was removed from the US. I want to feel better and follow my dreams of finishing college but it’s getting hard to drag my feet and make decisions and take action.

A TDL Reader

  • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

    It sounds to me like you need to DO something, in spite of your heavy heart.  I’ve been there.  feeling just downright low, blue, depressed…call it whatever you want.  Just a feeling of not wanting to do ANYTHING.  I was there not all that long ago actually, after ending a 2-year relationship and my career being very uncertain.  My advice is to do something small ANYWAY.  Preferably something you like and find enjoyment in.  Maybe it’s going to a coffee shop and getting an overpriced latte that you just love the taste of.  Do it!  Go without the kids, if you can.  Give yourself some time to yourself, relishing in an activity that brings you simply joy and happiness.  Maybe it’s a walk in the park.  Or walk with your kids.  I don’t know how old they are, and I don’t have kids, but I have dogs.  And taking them out on a nice, long, relaxing walk (not letting my mind go to thoughts of sadness, despair, worry, etc.), I always feel my spirit lift.  You mentioned you go to a gym.  Do they have classes you enjoy?  Go to one of those.  Pick the most FUN one, regardless of is you feel it’s the best work out.  

    You need fun now.  Something to look forward to and to do for the sheer pleasure of it. 

    I hope you can shake your heavy heart soon!  I know it’s not a happy place to be, but you CAN and WILL get out of it and be happy and content again!  I completely believe that. 

    Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/its-all-good.html 

  • Vanessabaggett1

    Sometimes something as simple as listening to music can lift your spirits. It can be its own form of peaceful mediation, giving your mind a rest and lifting your mood. I’ve found solace in anything from Bach to Fishbone, depending on the situation. If you have music that reminds you of happy times with your aunt, that could help you as you move through your grieving. Something with a dance beat might motivate you to get up and move and that could lead to more physical activity. There is a reason cultures throughout history have used music — drumming, chanting, singing — to motivate and elevate. I hope you’ll find comfort and support here and from the friends and family around you.

  • sueb

    This sounds like the feeling I get when I am depressed.  There is a history of depression in my family, so I get depressed like other people get colds.  Nondepressed people cannot understand what that feels like or how to handle it.  They mean well, saying “Just buck up!  We all have bad days.”  But that is not an effective strategy for me personally.  I have had to learn how to handle my illness in the same way that others take it easy on themselves if they have a cold or an injury.  I do not necessarily promote medication for just anyone, but antidepressants have helped me immensely to feel like the person I have always been but can’t quite be in those depressed times. It is vital for me to get a solid 8 hours of sleep each night, to have some quiet/down time during teach day (usually evening time) to read or knit or just watch a movie, to exercise as often as possible (this is hard to do sometimes!), to eat a healthy diet including enough protein and not including too much sugar (also hard to do), to avoid caffeine after my one cup in the morning, to have a support system of people I can talk to, and to not take on huge projects like cleaning the entire house when I simply don’t have the energy.  I have to take projects one step at a time to get through them without beating myself up and making everything worse.  Take it easy on yourself, take care of yourself, and do try to find something, anything, that you can develop the smallest interest in or motivation to do.  Feel better!!

    PS:  If you think that this is your problem, you might read the book “Beyond Blue” by Therese Borchard.  It will help you to feel way better about yourself despite the fact that others may make things worse by telling you to “just cheer up”.

  • Jen

    Sending love to you in your time of grieving… Such pain in grieving the loss of those we love. For me, in times like this when there are so many painful emotions present, I try toremember that all emotions are blessings. It is hard to stay mindful of that when we are grieving because grieving simply sucks. But all our feelings are connected to opposite emotions. When you are ready… It may help to try spending a little time each day dedicated solely to each loss… Each will have different issues you will need to work through to reach an understanding within yourself of what your next step needs to be. Take each step, with love for yourself and the other person in your heart and it will be the right step. Outside of the time you dedicate to this daily… I find it helpful at such times to more mindfully create balance in each day. For ex: time to work, sleep, eat, pray, meditate, love you.

  • Bmhagel

    I have so much sympathy and empathy for how you feel right now. I’ve been on a roller coaster for a while now too. I am 3 years into a separation after 24 years. My ex husband left me for another woman. I fell in love with a man I thought I would spend the remaining years of my life with only to find out he wasn’t who he said he was and my father just recently passed following a long journey with cancer. So many emotions to deal with and it’s easy to become depressed about your life. My ticket to surviving is simply to surrender and stop resisting what I cannot control. Once you master this, you can start back to your life path. Find one thing a week to look forward to… Anything. It will help you feel less “hopelessness” in your life. Make sure to reach out to a friend so you don’t feel alone. One minute, one hour, one day at a time and always be gentle with yourself. You are loved.

  • Phan

    Dear Sarah Noel
    I am 60 yr old Vietnamese lady , live by myself in a very small town, has no friend.My childrens live in different states…last year I had shingles and it was very painful…I was very sad and depressed. I did not want to do anything and also did not know what to do…but every day I tried my best to drive to the coffee shop , about 5 miles from my home to buy a cup of coffee. I felt so much better with the drive, the people at the  shop, the good smell of the coffee……
    Sarah, I almost cry when you said:” my advice is to do something……that you just love the taste of it ” !!!! it brings back all the memory of last year….I do not realize that i did the right thing at that time. I just went with my intution.
    very grateful for your post
    Happy Chinese New Year!!!!!

  • Ksenia

     I have been where you are. What helped me to get out of that dark place was living one day at a time, focusing on the simplest things that needed to be done. Get through this day, think about next when it comes. For maybe just for the time-being slow down on decisions and actions that relate to the future, just live as consciously as possibly one day at a time.  And think about your child (or children). There was a constant thought in my head that I wanted my daughter to have a happy mother (I am a single mother too) and enjoy being with me. Sending you love, take good care of yourself!

  • Bstranska

    Dear, I know you don’t need any reccomendations. You’ve been throug so much and as a single mother I know you can fight like a tiger. Somewhere deep inside of you, there is strentgth and power that will help you do stuff. Now, please, just forgive youself for how you feel, for give yourself for prefering to stay at home, for eating treats that make you feel better short term. Forgive and recover from all the loss you suffered. I am sending you love and I wish you many many mornings when you get up easily and see light in your day, feeling greateful for another amazing one. Lots of love, Bo

  • Elizabeth

    Grieving is a process that takes time. After my big brother died in a car accident, what helped me was writing him a ten page letter from my heart, then tying it to a balloon and letting it go. Then I learned souls never die and he would be around me anytime I thought of him and I could talk to him and spend time with him anytime I wanted. As far as relationship/friendship issues, anger and resentment have kept me from moving forward. Forgiveness (love) is a must if you want to get unstuck. Next learn to focus one day at a time and in the present you will find God. Do what ever puts you into a state of Joy (your natural state of being). Listen to music, dance, write, read, get outdoors and exercise! If you need nurturing inspiration listen to Joel Osteen. If you need a fire under your butt, listen to Joyce Meyer. Ultimately, you have to choose if you want to be a Victim or a Victor. You can be pitiful or you can be powerful but you can’t be both. God Bless you! 

  • Sandy

    I have been where you are , and yes, sometimes life can give you a beat down, but what I have found to be the most effective way of dealing with life’s disappointments …… is to try to find a way to be of service……and it doesn’t have to be big………it doesn’t have to be big. Just find a way to do something for someone else…..it immediately takes the focus off of you, and projects love and compassion for another. Maybe send someone a card, or call someone and say something uplifting . Even smiling to a stranger changes your emotional vibration.Do this every day, and in a few weeks time…..your energy will shift.
    Sending love and hugs to you.
    Sandy