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Daily Share – Consciously Letting Things Get Worse, Hoping Time Will Sort Them Out…

March 11, 2013 by 10 Comments

TDL_FB iconI am going through that moment I thought I would never go through…My last years had been of self-recovery, self-knowledge, self-discovery that I felt that some of the things I am feeling now could never be possible. These last years I discovered what I love doing, what makes me happy, what dreams to fulfill and what to do every day to pursue my happiness. But most of all I discovered what I don’t want to happen to me and what I am going through now is something I definitely don’t want, but I am just consciously letting things get worse and hoping that time will sort them out for me. All I can feel is disappointment for me every time I wake up and my inner self is telling me what to change and to face resistance, but it is so hard and worse because I was not expecting to go through this… I feel ashamed for being in a relationship in which I clearly don’t get along with the person, in which I feel hurt many times, in which I feel I cannot be myself, in which I feel I am always being judged, in which I know I will never be happy, but at the same time I wished so badly that things work out that I don’t have the courage to end with something that somehow is destroying me… and I am aware of that, but still waiting for time to help me while things get worse every single moment and I become weak…

A TDL Reader

  • Carol Anne

    It feels as if for some reason you feel the need to punish yourself?  Let me be the first to say, YOU DON’T!!!  What you need to do is LOVE AND FORGIVE  YOURSELF, thoroughly and unconditionally.  It’s obvious you don’t, or you wouldn’t allow yourself to be in this situation.  This person you’re in a relationship with is a reflection of yourself, your mirror.  They couldn’t be treating you like this unless you were doing it to yourself first.  Maybe you don’t have the courage to leave at this moment, but do you have the courage to begin bathing yourself in daily unconditional love?  Even if it means taking small steps at first by at least not judging yourself and accepting that you’ve put yourself in this situation to learn something.  Step back in your awareness and just be the observer with absolutely no judgement.  Then maybe begin by doing kind things for yourself as often as you can.  Make a list of all your amazing qualities, do your best to focus on all that is wonderful about you.  I know the list will be long and you’ll need a second and third sheet of paper :)  Take small steps at first and they’ll become bigger and bigger.      Once you get to the place where you truly love and accept yourself, this other person will either do the same, or will leave of their own volition.  Maybe, this minute, you could wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a wonderful loving hug?  I know I’m personally sending you one :)

    ♥C  

  • Carol Anne

    I’d like to add one more thing.  Focus your intention on what you DO want in your life, not on what you DON’T want.  The Uni-verse will absolutely bring you “whatever” you focus on with emotion, so always try and put your emotion into whatever it is you want. :)

    C

  • Medredith Henry

    Dear friend, 

    Sometimes we do need to stick with things when it isn’t going particularly well. We can’t always jump ship the first sign of trouble. BUT, unless you are actively participating in trying to right the discontentment in the relationship, you will be miserable. 

    I say this because I was contemplating divorce up until about 4 months ago. Nothing horrible was happening in my relationship, I just was miserable. But I started really looking at the situation. Trying to be neutral and understanding from my husbands perspective. There were a lot of behaviors that I was calling out on him that I was doing myself! I can’t control his behaviors but if I change my behavior then his RE-ACTION is most likely going to be different to my action. Follow?

    This isn’t a matter of who is to blame. In a relationship every action has cause and effect. EVERY SINGLE ONE! Write down each of their annoying qualities that are causing you discontent at the moment. Then on the other side write down things you could be doing differently in the relationship. I will also stress the importance of professional help. I have just recently started going to a counselor. My husband won’t go, but I am still hoping that as he sees me change for the good that he will be interested and go too. 

    Lastly, I know relationships get us comfortable with routine and predictability. It’s scary to think of your life without your partner- even if they are horrible and awful. But if they are abusing you in any way, you have to get out of there. You are a strong person and deserve to be loved, not for anything you have done but because you are you. Don’t let your ego try to dissuade you into thinking you will never be loved again. The richest love you can have is the love and acceptance of yourself in knowing you are proud of your life. LIVE your life like you are proud-not scared. 

    Sending you wisdom and love. 

    Meredith

  • mark hendry

    Love is not judgemental.  I just went through a divorce in which I had been married 17 years.  When you bring the good energy every day for a significant amount of time, say 4 years, and still get only conditional love, You are not in the same place.  There is a time when fear, stress, anxiety keeps you in a horrible contracted awareness because despite your best intentions and wishes people are where they are.  Open your mind and vision to something better!  There are people out there that think like you.  They are just around the corner when you open yourself up.  They are just waiting for the void to open into your life and they will step right in.  You know what you want and that is half the battle.  Step out, open your awareness, lose the fear and grab life by the balls.  I have done such and all my dreams are coming into the fruition.  I sit and cry out of joy in my recliner some mornings as I see my life unfolding before me.  Fear will not get you here.  It is the resistance keeping you right where you are.   Have an awesome day!

    • Ruby

      Well-written; to the point; simply true.  I am in the same place.  I cry for the love, joy, & blessings in my life…overwhelming gratitude.

  • J. Polous

    It feels like there may be something for you to learn in this situation.  Time may very well sort things out in the long run, but it is important for you to be an active participant in your life and face the resistance that you’re feeling, otherwise you will just be prolonging unnecessary suffering.  If you fail to grow from this particular situation, another will be presented to you (one that you will bring to yourself) to give yourself the opportunity to try again, whether it be with this person or another.  Face your fears, stand up for your truth and break through the barriers that you set up for yourself long ago.  It is time and you will get through this!

  • cute_batet

    I feel so much for you!  When it comes to relationships, especially when the relationship has been going on for years, deciding to let go can be the most difficult and painful one.  Even though you truly KNOW that it is not doing you any good, somehow deep inside you still want things to change.  You still have that feeling deep inside to give the relationship another chance thinking that maybe this time will be different and everything will turn out the way you want it.  

    Another thing that pops out when a breakup comes to mind is the feeling of guilt.  Nobody wants to hurt another person.  And you wouldn’t want to be blamed for rejecting that person or ending the relationship.  Now that’s a pickle!

    But now let us face reality.  I’d like to congratulate you for finding your love and happiness which is already deep inside you.  But somehow you left something out:  And that is loving yourself.  You KNOW you deserve happiness and that is why you are also aware that being in a destructive relationship is not making you happy.  True love can make us happy and it also has some unhappiness along the way but either way, it makes both person grow into a much stronger and mature person.  The way you described your situation in this relationship, it pulls you down and stunts your growth to be a much better and mature person.  In life, there are only three choices that we have to make: to change the situation, accept the situation, or get out of the situation.  It’s time for you to choose and take responsibility for your own life.
     
    My prayers are with you!  :O)
           

  • Cherypoline

    I am sorry to learn that you are in an abusive relationship. When the time is right, you will leave this hurtful dilemma. I remained in a marriage for 31 years with a bi-polar. Each time he had a rage attack, he felt guilty and the flowers,jewelry and lovely card would follow. It worked each time and I would forgive him. We have two children with open hearts. The bi-polar mental illness did not affect them on a physical level. I felt therapy was necessary on a emotional level. The bottom line is we finally divorced. He makes a better friend than a husband. After releasing my husband, a wonderful man entered my life. We have been together 13 years.
    When you say goodby to your present man, a healthy man awaits you. I wish the best for you.

  • Kimberly Hasty

    I am sorry to hear of your story. In a few short words, your confusion and defeat about this relationship ring crystal clear. It is easy to sit on this side and say you deserve better. It seems like you are going through an awakening right now and this may be your first step – reaching out to a community of people who will not judge you. Because you have years invested, it may not be that simple as just walking away. But you can begin to start the process of getting to know yourself again and falling back in love with yourself. It’s time to make YOU the priority. Take small steps. Visit this site DAILY, find places where you can post your story and get loving, positive feedback – and read books to inspire you. One of my personal favorites is Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart. 
    It can be life changing if you are ready. 

    Another thing to note is, and this is speaking from personal experience, sometimes we get comfortable in our pain. It becomes a part of our daily being and takes up residence. You have to get to a point where you no longer feel sad and start getting angry. You have to forcefully evict this feeling from your life and from your heart. Being sad is easy. Being mad is hard because it makes us tear things apart and dissect why we feel the way you do. You will undoubtedly go through emotions and feelings you didn’t expect – and seeking counseling or professional advice may be an option. 

    I pray for you to be ready – to live forward, to love yourself and to let go of what no longer serves you. You deserve to be loved! 

  • Karen

    You are asking time to sort out the negative things in your life?  Time doesn’t have any investment in your happiness, but you do.
    If you choose to be happy and make the necessary adjustments to make that happen, then time will step in to bring you healing.
    The words you are using – ashamed, hurt, can’t be myself, will never be happy, wish that things would work out, don’t have the courage to end, destroying me, weak – all of these are messages to the Universe and you are being given exactly what you are projecting.
    If you are letting yourself be “destroyed” in a relationship, you are the ONLY one with the power to change that and the Universe will support you in whatever you are choosing for yourself. 
    I understand your fear of change, of letting go and of the fear of being alone – believe me, I get it! – but I also know that strength of character that comes from choosing to honor yourself.  The initial fear is worth the ultimate peace every…single…time….
    *hugs*