Daily Share – Coping With Changes In Life After My Break-Up – Where Do I Begin?

March 6, 2013 by Anonymous TDL Reader 17 Comments

I’m 22-years-old. My sister told me about your site and I thought I’d check it out. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. He is my first boyfriend and we’ve we’re together for 2 1/2 years. It’s a horrible feeling knowing I won’t be able to kiss him or hook him anymore. I’ve lately been a little depressed. Always thinking about him, wanting to text him. I don’t like knowing that CHANGE will be something that my life will go through. I can’t deal with it. I want to go through change with him by my side. I don’t know where to start or what to do…..I don’t know what to do with my life (in a non-suicidal way). I just need a sign.

A TDL Reader

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Stephanie

I wish I could give you the sign that you need. I can only tell you that there will be a new love in your life . I’ve been through that sadness and heartbreak that you describe. It takes time, but you will be happy again. Be gentle with yourself.
Carol Anne

First of all, I’m giving you a big mental hug right now and sending you love

Most of us at one time or another have been through this and even though it’s certainly no picnic, it is always a wonderful learning opportunity if we’re open to seeing the lessons. For me, the most important thing was to give myself permission to really “feel” the pain and sadness. Don’t try to suppress it or ignore it, just be with it. Be the observer of the human part of you going through this and just allow. Most importantly, don’t judge any of it, just let it be there. Everyone says it, but it’s true, it will get better with time. I’m pretty sure your ex is experiencing all the same emotions you are. Do your best not to try and contact him or see him. You’ll just prolong and even worsen the pain if you do these things.

Now especially, Love and be kind to yourself, pamper yourself, hot bubble baths, pedicures, long walks in nature, kind words and thoughts to yourself in abundance. These are things we should do for ourselves all the time, but especially when we’re in this kind of pain.

I know you’ll get lots of wonderful comments and love here today. Wrap yourself in the love and know that “this too shall pass.”

♥C
Cooldude7785

My amazing gf broke up with me after 2 years..rather she had to as the last 2 months it was really problematic. The circumstances and my weakness lead to. She is in rebound. So I should give up? I always believe if something is broken try to fix it not to change it like it is a job or car or piece of furniture! so we all should give up dreams/desires/ambitions in face of obstacles?

Who said i wont find someone like her? i can be have a life and can be happy without her may be with time! i wanted her and want her not because of ego because of what we had and what we would have been/could have been! i have to think & act & act at the same time live my own life! I NEED SOME ADVICE & GUIDANCE! I am prepared that it would be tough, and test my patience & calm head!I do love her and miss her! Yes actions speaks way more louder than words esp in relationships and love. and both have to have calm mind & strength esp the guy more than the girl!Life is unpredictable! but we have to try and work for what we want! Giving up is always an option, and easier one but I dont want it and cannot do it! May be…..things can happen…….may be not who knows! Anyway time to look forward and be positive, strong and work on myself & career which I had been doing from one year! I dont know about the future………. i cant rewrite history! i can try shaping my own present & future!Thanks & Regards
T
- Better3flyfree
  
  Hello, I am currently reading a book called It’s a Breakup because It’s Broken. We tend to have obsessive thoughts after a breakup about remembering all the good and forgetting the bad. This book has been very helpful to me. It helps you to know that what you are feeling is normal, there isn’t something wrong with you and now you are set free to meet your one. Someone who is amazing! Think of your break up as an opportunity because that is what it is. I know it is sooo hard to do that but changing perception and how you think about the situation does help you to heal and feel better. I am going through it too. My heart goes out to you. I wish you well!
http://www.twitter.com/emabaksa Ema

I was in your place almost four years ago. I was in a relationship with my first love from age 15 to age 18. He was my first love, my high school sweetheart, I did a lot of first things with him. We were together for 3.5 years. I broke up with him because he became to insecure, possesive, didn’t trust me and tried to control every move I made. I never gave him the reasons to act like that because if I am in a relationship, then that person is the only one for me. No flirting, cheating, etc. You maybe wouldn’t believe, but after I broke up with him, I was a mess for a few weeks. I cried for hours and hours that day. People would assume that I would be fine since I broke up with him, but you can’t just undo feelings, forget experiences and memories you had with someone for 3.5 years. You just can’t. For some time after the break up, he texted me, called me, wrote me emails and it was hard for me to not answer, but it was for my own good. Relationship with him was really amazing and I learned so many things, but it was too toxic as well.

I am thankful to the Uni-Verse that I had a chance to be with him, because I now know what I want, what I don’t want. I was just a little girl back then, didn’t know who I was and what I wanted out of life.

I am 22 years now, just like you, and I am in a new, happy and healthy relationship wuth a guy that makes me happy. After the break up, I decided to take time for myself and enjoy myself, learn to love myself and be happy me. I am in a new relationship for almost 4 years now and I couldn’t be happier.

I know you probably feel like it is the end of the world now, but it isn’t. Let yourself feel the feelings you have. Wheter is it sadness, anger, depression, frustration. Just feel it and when you are ready, let those feelings go.

A few years after now, you will watch this event back and be thankful for all that you experienced because it will mold you into amazing person that you already are.

If you ever need and want to talk, I am here for you.

Sending much love and blessings your way…
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000392107784 Anita Richards

❤ love your heart again ❤
With much love and brightest blessings.
Angie

Im w u. Change is a drag. After 10 years my husband n I will b separating. I asked for it. Not because he is abusive or lazy. He is the best. But there are unspoken actions needed n neither of us would make it. While talking n discussing our separation we come to find out that we lost our identity. We don’t know who we are. The scary part is that i haven’t been single for over 20 years. I jumped from relationship to relationship. Now i need to give myself lots of time to figure myself out. Its going to b a challenging journey but a wonderful one nonetheless. Keep ur head up. I know I will.
- Better3flyfree
  
  There is a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is amazing and has saved marraiges. It is also great for getting to know oneself even more for future relationships! I wish you well on your journey.
http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

You didn’t say if he broke up with you, or if you ended things. It’s typically at least a little easier to get over a break-up if YOU initiated it. Or at least if you see the reason why you’re breaking up. Do you?

Since I don’t know your exact situation, all I can say is to spend time for you! Do things you enjoy, that don’t make you think specifically of your bf. Sure, you might wish he was there with you… so be it. You’ll probably miss him for a while. When we’re with someone for a while, we get used to having them around, for good or bad. I also just got out of a 2 year relationship. My ex-bf was a GOOD guy, but there were other issues and stuff missing in our relationship. So I ended it. At first, the first week after he moved out (he had moved into my house with me), I missed him and wondered if I made a HUGE mistake. So I texted him and we hung out a few times. I knew he still wanted to be with me and didn’t agree with my reasons for the break-up. After just a few times post-break-up, hanging out, I knew. He IS a good guy, so that’s what makes it hard. Honestly, I still DO have doubts from time to time. But I know I was settling with him. And that’s no good.

I encourage you to move on. Don’t text him. Don’t look him up online all the time. Don’t be facebook friends. I know some people “stay friends” with their exes after a break-up, but I don’t think that really works. I also don’t think it’s healthy for either person. Even IF both people meet someone new and get in new relationships, by having that continued contact with the ex, it’s like you’re keeping one foot in your past. Not REALLY moving on with your life.
So move on! Give yourself the gift of freedom! Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Treat yourself now more than you usually do. The more you do for YOU, the better you’ll feel.

Peace and love with you in your journey!

Sarah
http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/03/be-thankful-even-for-this.html
Ljroberts46

The biggest challenges you will face throughout your life will teach you the greatest lessons. Perhaps instead of trying to bury your feelings and your sadness, you can evaluate the past 2 years and determine what lessons you may have been taught? This was your first love and the first time you allowed yourself to open up to give and receive love. What a precious gift to hang on to. I know it may seem dismal now. You feel sad and alone, however, this is the opportunity for a brand new beginning. Change is tough, but if you can learn to embrace change at this point in your life the future will hold much much more contentment and happiness. Spend time with your sister, your family and friends, co-workers. keep a journal, treat yourself “special”. You are special and you must always treat yourself best. As the days pass, you will find it easier to detach from what was once the focus of your life. You have so much ahead of you!!!!!! Smile ( even if you don;t want to)..laugh, even if it hurts…cry, it’s OK. I’m the mom of a 25 year old son and a 21 year old daughter. I have experienced what you have and so have my children. Although I may not know how you feel exactly, I know that this pain will subside. Hang tight to those who love you and let them love you! The “sign” will present itself in the people , places and things you surround yourself with. Just keep your hear open to it. Good luck to you.
Zoraya R.

I think your break up IS the sign your looking for. Although hard to see it that way it is. It’s the Uni-verse telling you something needed to change, shift or grow. I have been seperated 3 months now after a 4 year marriage and it is hard. But, the first month was the hardest, I wanted to text, call and just cry to him. But, I finally realized I needed to accept my current circumstance and rather than dwell on what I had lost or what had ended.

I could focus on what there was to gain: A NEW LIFE!!! A different one, better one, happier one. Change isn’t always bad. Now you can fall in love with YOURSELF!! There is NO better than that!!

And also try to look at the past two years as a class where you learned. Now you have graduated and it’s time for a different one to learn new & better things in/from. Also, read and watch this post from Kute, it totally helped me to see my marriage and the end of it in a whole new light. Hope it helps. Be strong and try to see this change as a chance to live a new and better life.

Link to Kute Blackson’s video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWMppEpK0Gs

Much Love, Z
http://www.facebook.com/roxana.nunez Roxana Nunez

You are changing. You are growing up. Believe me, I broke with “the love of my life” twice before I actually found “the ONE”. They were painful and annoying and back in the day, all I had was a phone and my car, probably why stalking laws were invented, lol.

But seriously, I know it feels like it never ends and I am going to give you some advice that nobody ever gave me: go out and volunteer. What? Have I lost my mind? No. You see, if you take the time you used to spend with him and devote it to helping other people, it will get you out of your own head, which is where your pain is anyway. It doesn’t have to be people, you can volunteer at an animal shelter. The important thing is that you find something to take the loneliness away, which is the reason why you constantly think of him.

The first week you are going to feel like a fool. You are going to say to yourself, this is not working. Little by little, helping others, be it two legged, four legged or more, will start taking more of your time, you will be useful to the community and you will spread the love around. Instead of giving your heart to one person, you will spread it to many and you will bring joy to others.

I hope it goes well and you heal. You are young and you will go through many changes. Some you will like and some you will not. And they are all here for a reason. Enjoy the ride.
bodhibeth

You, here, now, IS your Sign sweet love.
You are in the perfect place to go through this…with all of us…surrounded by LOVE
Jamieheyward

I just broke up with my ex like 6 months ago and he was still callings me and I would answer or he would pop up on my job, and come to find out he was getting married but I have moved on and have somebody much better…but to keep from wanting to text him and call delete has a contact in your phone and if he keep calling or texting you ignore him and move on your 22 have so much more time to live and find someone else.
Mari Nail

My dear, I know it hurts. To stop or alleviate the pain may I suggest hypnosis?
Scott

What helped me? Spending time with FRIENDS. The people you use to spend 99% of the time with before you started dating. It really helps. Good luck to you!
Karen

I heard a great saying that helped me through a break up, I kept it at the back of my mind every time the pain hit and sure enough…one day it happened and I met the guy who is perfect for me.
“Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked with anyone else.”
I know it’s hard but time will heal you – every day will get just a bit easier but the first month is the hardest. Once you are past that hurdle, you will start to smile a bit more and find more joy in your day.
Trust that the Uni-verse is creating the best outcome for you and when you feel especially down, repeat the following:
I trust the Uni-verse is working to bring me a relationship that is healthy, happy, committed, loving and full of joy. In the meantime, I am releasing the pain and I know that I am deserving of a positive, happy life.
*hugs*