Come to Bali with Mastin! → Check it out!

Daily Share: Facebook Drama

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle texting/facebook drama?

Obviously we all “know” that it’s not a forum for venting, but lately it seems to be on the rise. The ignorance transcends all educational levels, as Professionals with Masters & Doctorate degrees vent their personal frustrations on public forums even though we know better. Emotional intelligence flies out the window.

I’ve lost a couple of lifelong friends lately who got mad at me for not responding to their texts, or responding with a quick “yes” because I missed the first part of a 2-part text that ended with “Is everything okay?” But apparently started with “Are you mad at me? You haven’t returned my call for 3 days.” I was in 3 trials in 5 days, but that friend had apparently texted me and I didn’t see it, because I often don’t return personal calls until the weekend. When I explained the missing element, she still elected to end our friendship because I don’t give her enough attention since she moved 4 hours away from me. She canceled my upcoming trip to go see her & canceled the concert we were going to go see together. This woman is also an attorney in her early 40′s but very emotionally needy.

She defriended me on Facebook. Another friend defriended me on Facebook because she got mad at me, also. A lot of women are defriending each other, then adding them back. It’s become quite an emotionally destructive tool. How do we keep technology in a place where it can be used as a tool rather than a weapon? How do we keep our minds in the right frame so we don’t fail to respect those boundaries?

TDL Reader

# # #

This was shared with the author’s permission. We take your privacy seriously and would never publish something without your consent. Share what you’re going through by sending Mastin an email:[email protected].

  • Mrslyharper

    A friend should understand and respect each situation. But the whole FB being used as a weapon is far too true and too foolish. But husband will not accept my friend request on FB…. Craziness 

  • Mrslyharper

    A friend should understand and respect each situation. But the whole FB being used as a weapon is far too true and too foolish. But husband will not accept my friend request on FB…. Craziness 

  • http://www.facebook.com/justiceiskei Keisean Raines

    Facebook has become a tool for battle in the hands of the passive-aggressive.  Believe it or not I have siblings that often use FB to hash out their sisterly-drama; and it is disappointing.  As a frequent ‘browser’ of FB I often see friends and family members utilizing the public space to express their opposing views on politics, religion and other social commentary.  The part that draws concern is women (and men) in their 30′s and 40′s hiding behind the ‘comment boxes’ and ‘like buttons’ as a means of expression, instead of just picking up the phone and having an adult conversation.  

    In your scenario, it seems as though your ‘friend’ has allowed herself to become consumed with her own needs and completely dismissed yours.  A friendship, like any other relationship requires balance to function and flourish.  We all have individual lives with needs of our own.  Balance between the importance of your needs and those of your friends and loved ones is key to a healthy relationship.  

    Texting can often become another way of  ‘dismissive or passive’ communication.  As a 35 year-old woman, I recall the times of phone conversations and often prefer a phone call over a text.  In some situations it can be ‘easier’ to send a text.  However, in situations where a person’s feelings may have been hurt or there is a topic worth of conversation, a text will not suffice.  

    We all have adopted technology into our daily lives and in many cases it has assisted us with communicating more efficiently.  Be that as it may, Facebook, texting or any other social media platform do not serve as a substitution for the connectivity of verbal communication.  

    Be mindful of your friends and family’s respect for your time; as it is equally as valuable as theirs.

    All the best-
    KeiRai

  • http://www.facebook.com/justiceiskei Keisean Raines

    Facebook has become a tool for battle in the hands of the passive-aggressive.  Believe it or not I have siblings that often use FB to hash out their sisterly-drama; and it is disappointing.  As a frequent ‘browser’ of FB I often see friends and family members utilizing the public space to express their opposing views on politics, religion and other social commentary.  The part that draws concern is women (and men) in their 30′s and 40′s hiding behind the ‘comment boxes’ and ‘like buttons’ as a means of expression, instead of just picking up the phone and having an adult conversation.  

    In your scenario, it seems as though your ‘friend’ has allowed herself to become consumed with her own needs and completely dismissed yours.  A friendship, like any other relationship requires balance to function and flourish.  We all have individual lives with needs of our own.  Balance between the importance of your needs and those of your friends and loved ones is key to a healthy relationship.  

    Texting can often become another way of  ‘dismissive or passive’ communication.  As a 35 year-old woman, I recall the times of phone conversations and often prefer a phone call over a text.  In some situations it can be ‘easier’ to send a text.  However, in situations where a person’s feelings may have been hurt or there is a topic worth of conversation, a text will not suffice.  

    We all have adopted technology into our daily lives and in many cases it has assisted us with communicating more efficiently.  Be that as it may, Facebook, texting or any other social media platform do not serve as a substitution for the connectivity of verbal communication.  

    Be mindful of your friends and family’s respect for your time; as it is equally as valuable as theirs.

    All the best-
    KeiRai

  • StaciH

    I’ve had similar situations. My job kept me so busy that my priority was to call my parents first to tell them I was still healthy and well, then everyone else was spoken to while in the car or on weekends. Those who don’t respect your life boundaries and your life priorities, aren’t true friends. Having these drama queens out of my life removes a lot of stress. I was heartbroken at first, but having more time for those who appreciated our friendship, time constraints and all, are your true friends.

    Funny enough, now that I’ve been unemployed, I’m not disappointed that a friend can’t call me back or return an email… I’m just happy they have a job, living a good life and I know they’ll get to me when they can. If they don’t ever respond, then I wasn’t someone who meant much to and I’ll move on to those who do. Drama queens suck the life out of you and don’t respect who you truly are. 

  • StaciH

    I’ve had similar situations. My job kept me so busy that my priority was to call my parents first to tell them I was still healthy and well, then everyone else was spoken to while in the car or on weekends. Those who don’t respect your life boundaries and your life priorities, aren’t true friends. Having these drama queens out of my life removes a lot of stress. I was heartbroken at first, but having more time for those who appreciated our friendship, time constraints and all, are your true friends.

    Funny enough, now that I’ve been unemployed, I’m not disappointed that a friend can’t call me back or return an email… I’m just happy they have a job, living a good life and I know they’ll get to me when they can. If they don’t ever respond, then I wasn’t someone who meant much to and I’ll move on to those who do. Drama queens suck the life out of you and don’t respect who you truly are. 

  • MISSLIGHTFOOTMBA

    THIS IS CRAZY BECAUSE I AM GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION BUT ON A DIFFERENT SOCIAL MEDIA SITE, TWITTER. I AGREE WITH WHAT SOMEONE ELSE SAID ON HERE ABOUT “Facebook has become a tool for battle in the hands of the passive-aggressive”. THIS IS SOOOOOOOO TRUE! INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY HAVING A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION, PEOPLE HAVE ELECTED TO HIDE BEHIND COMPUTERS/SMART PHONES AND SAY WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY TO EACH OTHER WITHOUT REALLY SAYING IT (IF THAT MAKES SENSE). ITS REALLY RIDICULOUS THAT THE WORLD HAS COME TO THIS BUT THOSE WHO ARE GENUINE AND CARE ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS DONT HIDE BEHIND A SCREEN.

  • MISSLIGHTFOOTMBA

    THIS IS CRAZY BECAUSE I AM GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION BUT ON A DIFFERENT SOCIAL MEDIA SITE, TWITTER. I AGREE WITH WHAT SOMEONE ELSE SAID ON HERE ABOUT “Facebook has become a tool for battle in the hands of the passive-aggressive”. THIS IS SOOOOOOOO TRUE! INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY HAVING A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION, PEOPLE HAVE ELECTED TO HIDE BEHIND COMPUTERS/SMART PHONES AND SAY WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY TO EACH OTHER WITHOUT REALLY SAYING IT (IF THAT MAKES SENSE). ITS REALLY RIDICULOUS THAT THE WORLD HAS COME TO THIS BUT THOSE WHO ARE GENUINE AND CARE ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS DONT HIDE BEHIND A SCREEN.

  • Jody

    I recently deactivated my facebook account.  It was not because I personally was among any drama or conflicts but rather because I would see others using the site for those reason.  By allowing myself to view my homepage id say about four times a day I was bringing that negative energy into my life!  There were other reasons for deactivating my account such as the time that I spent on there around 2-3 hours a day and for what?!  I realised it was my means of communication to the world, I would have seen friend wedding photos so did not need to congratulate them, instead of calling a friend for their birthday I would right on their wall, instead of calling my mum for a catch up I would just pm (private message) her!  I have only been off the site for a week but am surprised in the fact that I don’t miss it and feel so much lighter from NOT knowing what is going on!  I advise people to try this, some may find it hard some may realise they were only ever on the site to fit in with the social norm either way im sure only good can come from it even if its only for a day!

  • Jody

    I recently deactivated my facebook account.  It was not because I personally was among any drama or conflicts but rather because I would see others using the site for those reason.  By allowing myself to view my homepage id say about four times a day I was bringing that negative energy into my life!  There were other reasons for deactivating my account such as the time that I spent on there around 2-3 hours a day and for what?!  I realised it was my means of communication to the world, I would have seen friend wedding photos so did not need to congratulate them, instead of calling a friend for their birthday I would right on their wall, instead of calling my mum for a catch up I would just pm (private message) her!  I have only been off the site for a week but am surprised in the fact that I don’t miss it and feel so much lighter from NOT knowing what is going on!  I advise people to try this, some may find it hard some may realise they were only ever on the site to fit in with the social norm either way im sure only good can come from it even if its only for a day!

  • love&light

    When I was very young, my mother told me…..if you can count the number of friends you have on one hand….you are very very fortunate.  Choose your friends wisely.  You have obviously noticed different attributes in people you are not only friends with but acquainted with on FB.  In all honesty…the drama will continue as long as you allow it.  Having 500 friends on FB is about as useful as having 500 pairs of shoes.  When I first got on FB in 2009, all of my old HS friends and Grade School friends ‘friended’ me.  As time went on, and I was able to read their posts…and get an idea of their psychological neediness.  You know….the passive aggressive posts…the cries for attention, I made the decision to clean out my ‘friend’ box.  I continue to clean out that list….and some friends are those that would make alot of fuss from being ‘unfriended’.  However, I am stronger than that.  I know who I am, I choose with whom I associate.  I choose to be around people who are on their own journey to light and self awareness….(and I am 39 and most of my friends are 40+).  I suppose you have some choices…you can deactivate your Facebook, you can unfriend those who are toxic, and temporarily block or privatize your account from them, and just ignore the texts and don’t communicate with them.  Its an awful feeling, but sometimes cleaning house is necessary.  If you have at least 5 close friends – those you trust, those who are on the same page with you, then just like having 5 fingers….you have all you need.

  • love&light

    When I was very young, my mother told me…..if you can count the number of friends you have on one hand….you are very very fortunate.  Choose your friends wisely.  You have obviously noticed different attributes in people you are not only friends with but acquainted with on FB.  In all honesty…the drama will continue as long as you allow it.  Having 500 friends on FB is about as useful as having 500 pairs of shoes.  When I first got on FB in 2009, all of my old HS friends and Grade School friends ‘friended’ me.  As time went on, and I was able to read their posts…and get an idea of their psychological neediness.  You know….the passive aggressive posts…the cries for attention, I made the decision to clean out my ‘friend’ box.  I continue to clean out that list….and some friends are those that would make alot of fuss from being ‘unfriended’.  However, I am stronger than that.  I know who I am, I choose with whom I associate.  I choose to be around people who are on their own journey to light and self awareness….(and I am 39 and most of my friends are 40+).  I suppose you have some choices…you can deactivate your Facebook, you can unfriend those who are toxic, and temporarily block or privatize your account from them, and just ignore the texts and don’t communicate with them.  Its an awful feeling, but sometimes cleaning house is necessary.  If you have at least 5 close friends – those you trust, those who are on the same page with you, then just like having 5 fingers….you have all you need.

  • http://www.DrHallonCall.com/ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall

    Yes, I have a suggestion for handling texting/fb drama…and it is very simple.  “Don’t.”  This is a choice you are making.  We all have choices and you are making the choice to be involved.  I refuse to play games and will avoid drama at all costs when it comes to social media.  For that matter, I do not put up with it in my personal or professional life, either.  I say and do what needs to be said and done and then move forward.  A true friend would not dump someone for “not texting” or answering in a way they did not expect.  A “real” friend knows your schedule and that you are busy; therefore, this friend is not just an acquaintance, but a true friend who will always be there for you through thick and thin.  Dump the drama and the fake friends. You will be much happier.  

  • http://www.DrHallonCall.com/ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall

    Yes, I have a suggestion for handling texting/fb drama…and it is very simple.  “Don’t.”  This is a choice you are making.  We all have choices and you are making the choice to be involved.  I refuse to play games and will avoid drama at all costs when it comes to social media.  For that matter, I do not put up with it in my personal or professional life, either.  I say and do what needs to be said and done and then move forward.  A true friend would not dump someone for “not texting” or answering in a way they did not expect.  A “real” friend knows your schedule and that you are busy; therefore, this friend is not just an acquaintance, but a true friend who will always be there for you through thick and thin.  Dump the drama and the fake friends. You will be much happier.