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Daily Share – Feeling Confused And Scared!

February 14, 2013 by 7 Comments

TDL_FB iconHello, So I am very new to this. I saw this website on Super Soul Sunday :) I am 17-years-old and I am a student in high school. I am very mature for my age, with that being said I really don’t have any friends to communicate with on a more serious note. I am the black sheep of the family and recently my mother got very sick. After the 3 passings of my brother, great grandmother, and my grandpa, I started to think what happens after death. My mother, along with my whole family is now Hare Krishna, which is amazing because I have never seen a whole family get together on one religion so fast! They love it and I am very happy for them. But I’m the one left out because I really am not too sure about it. I want to do this for my mom, because it makes her happy, but I don’t truly believe it yet. My mother told me that my time will come to see this through… and that some people have to hit rock bottom before springing back up. And other people have underestimated my talks about my life and what my problems are because of my age. Through all the depression, anxiety, sickness, pain, sorrow, crying myself to sleep, unhappiness, and not knowing my self-worth, break ups, make ups, I have still not hit my rock bottom. The thing that I want in life, ever since I was a little girl is just to be truly happy. I would kill for that. I seem to always make people feel better and do right. But I can’t even get myself on track…which brings me to my doubt in the Uni-verse. And when I mean doubting, I mean too scared to turn to it. Because I have messed up so much… I also feel embarrassed, ugly, and worthless. I mean who wants to go to anyone (especially a higher power) like that. And for me to keep turning away, makes my heart hurt so bad because I know that the Uni-verse will love me unconditionally no matter what I do. But I just can’t turn to it. But lately I feel like the Uni-verse is trying to give me a sign. The thing that brings me down to my weakest point is knowing I’m alone and that I will be alone. So I think the Uni-verse’s “sign” to me is taking away what makes me feel not alone (boyfriends, friends, family, school *grades* etc.) very slowly to where all I have to turn to Uni-versal love. And I’m right at that point. I am very confused, and very scared. So if there is anyone that has any advice, please let me know.

A TDL Reader

  • Laura Smith

    Well, let me just say that’s normal. We all CAN go through that at any age. There is love or fear, it is your choice the path that you choose. But know this, you are loved by so many and we are pulling for you. You are going to find your path and build your ideal life. Start thinking about it like this if life were a recipe- what are the ingredients you need for an idyllic life? Write down the things that you enjoy and do those. Hang out with people that you admire and respect, you will learn so much from them. And for the love of humanity turn off the TV. Love you – Laura. Now get crackin!

  • http://www.billnewgent.com/ Bill Newgent

    All of us exist in a kind of internal conversation with ourselves. Some of us are very aware of it and others aren’t. In fact most aren’t aware of it. Going through life the actions you take, the decisions you make are in many powerful ways you affirming to yourself  ”I matter” or “I don’t matter”. The reality without question is that you do matter. We all matter in enormous amazing ways. We are not here by mistake. Even if you don’t see that now it is without question the truth. It’s OK if after reading that “a realization of that” doesn’t click on like a light switch. Trust the process of your life. Understand that your life is a practice and not a perfect. It is more than enough for you just to be…just be you. You don’t have to be whatever for anyone. While you are going through this, in the practice of your life, take time regularly to be gentle and loving with yourself. This might be regular walks, quiet time somewhere, time with music, whatever works for you. It’s a regular acknowledgement that you matter. 
    During this regular time consider utilizing a series of I am’s. Say them to yourself or say them out loud. The point is find what has meaning for you and commit to that being a part of the practice of your life. I am loved, I am peaceful, I am powerful, I am joyous, I am authentic, I am vulnerable……… Got it? It’s OK if any of those or all of those don’t resonate for you now. Find what does and let your practice build on itself. The “problems” you have now are exactly where you are supposed to be. It’s a gift you have been given. Without your “stuff” you would never have the opportunity to breakthrough and be aware…to be. Love to You!     

  • Malu

    You must be your best friend and know you are NEVER alone. The spark of GOD (Uni versal energy) is within you and has been since you arrived. Stay in the present because that is the only time there is.  Forget those past “mistakes”. They were experiences to help you grow. Learn the lesson and keep on moving upward  and outward. Just because the whole family agrees on a particular “religion” does not mean you must. You chose this family to help you grow spiritually regardless of religion (which many times gets in the way of our spiritually!) Get Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I read it when I was 35 and I’m now in my 70th year. It helped me become more Spiritually Mature.  Much Love to you. Remember, Love is all there is. Choose LOVE instead of fear!

  • Kathy

    First of all, you are not alone, you are not the black sheep (I used to think I was too) and the “signs” are all around you–stop looking for them because they are already here!!!  We are all unique — and you are so wise beyond your years.  I am soon to be 58, was born and raised in the catholic faith, but do not practice it (talk about the black sheep!!!).  I have been seeking a spiritual path for only a few years now.  I now embrace all faiths and religions and recently vacationed in West Virginia and went to The Palace of Gold where the Hare Krishna’s practice.  My husband and I were very welcomed and under no pressure to partake in a Sunday feast and service, but we did and another “sign” as you will, from the Universe, that we were meant to be there at that time and embraced it!!

    Rock Bottom????? Every day you wake up you start a new chapter in life…. lovely quote from Oprah “No matter where you are on your journey, that’s exactly where you need to be.  The next road is always ahead.”…….. And you have many roads to travel ahead of you!!!!! Be of service and you will abound in happiness –”The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything”–brahma kumaris

    The universe loves you.  You have a purpose, and you may not know what that is, but it will appear.  Live for the present moment, not the past and not the future.  Be Here NOW and maybe, if you are open to it, learn to meditate, to quiet your mind and truly listen to your breath.  Feed and nourish your soul.  You are so AWESOME !!!!! Thanks for writing in—-you will be in my Gratitude Journal tonite for the pleasure of “talking” to you !!!!!!

  • Karen

    If you feel the Uni-verse is taking away what makes you feel not alone so you will turn back to source, then what is the absolute worst that can happen if you do?  If you simply turn everything over to Uni-versal love?   Once you  reconnect at an emotional level to what you already are spiritually, you will never experience loneliness again.
    Close your eyes, breathe deeply and ask for guidance.  Sit with what comes up.  Do this again and again until you feel at peace.
    A great daily mantra for you would be, “I am at peace, I am relaxed, I am confident and I am loved.”

  • bliss4me

    we are never alone even when we feel that we are…we have ourselves…and when we learn to accept ourselves that loneliness and isolation falls away..you have so many traumatic events happening in your life..do you have someone that you can speak to who has expertise in dealing with grief, depression and fears? Please try to find someone s that they can direct you in finding some stability to sit yourself on..your world is not providing that for you… reaching out on here took strength and also a need to do so… unfortunately many at your age feel ugly worthless and alone…which does not help you when going through the many other illnesses and deaths in your life…you want more and you deserve more.. you are strong to be able to reach out and say you are scared and confused.. be proud of yourself for that… contact the mental health people in your area… and they can help direct you to places and people that can help support you through to this…you are not alone, and quite wise to want more in your life and know that there is more… sending you much love and light…hugs to you for all that you are struggling with… I am proud of you …Namaste

  • Lonni

    I am hugging you with my heart as it enfolds you in the awareness that you touch us all.
     I am loving you now.
    We all just want to help give you tools in your toolkit to finer  easier living. You wrote exactly what I have felt and I believe we all feel as we journey and are working on that erroneous feeling of isolation and aloneness, ego is in control right now. Flip alone in your thoughts to
    all one.
    Your whole life is unfolding for you to see and feel Love more and more.
     I read what comments were written to you that are  flashlight beams in your darkness showing you what has helped us to remember. Let these tools they give you grow inside you, plant them in your heart knowing they are sown in love. Water them with your thoughts and affirmations and be kind to yourself. What plant would you be? What color flower, how would you look and smell? What bird would you be that resonates with you to align with? They help with joy, hope, awe or sweetness or goofyness enough to help carry you through to get to a better feeling. Always look for something to focus on that gives you a better feeling than the last thought did and you will be creating a staircase to heaven! 
    Plant your seeds of what you DO want in your life and never give what you don’t want the time of day again, walk away from all negativity about yourself and your past. I am sure we can top you in dumb, stupid, painful and unconscious things we have done in our youth; live, learn and forgive. Write yourself a love letter often and be totally GAGA over yourself!
    And then get excited in anticipation of these little seedlings you are now planting poking there heads out and seeing and feeling the warm light of the sun for the first time.
    Be very gentle with yourself, care for yourself, be patient as these new ideas grow more and more love, acceptance of you are you are now, as you learn who you are and why you are here now. Have you met your body yet? What a trip when you do. Not many people question their life and look within; that’s major that you have already. You have taken your first step in remembering who you are.

    What is your intention? What is in your heart? Even if you only intend to forgive people it starts. Only if you intend to be of service to us here struggling the same way you are, it helps. Put your intentions/seeds out and relax knowing that they are bearing fruit even as they have not yet broken through the ground of your consciousness, they will, that’s where faith and trust takes patience and a season or a lifetime to manifest and show itself. I love knowing Living Waters/Spirit/the Holy Ghost, the Comforter/The I AM THAT I AM/the Universe flows through us and God will never lose us nor let us go, ever. This Living Waters has helped me feel, I am love, peace and all things come to me with joy and ease. and sometimes, one breath at a time. Somedays, I just have to breath one breath at a time until I get to crawl in bed at night with hope tomorrow is a new day. 
    Don’t be in a hurry, like the seed planted needs it season to grow under the earth in darkness till it emerges from the soil finally inspiring much beauty and glory giving its flowers and sweet essence to all blessed by it’s presence.
    My favorite quote that has helped me put things in perspective by Sri Aurobindo -

                          ” What is God afterall
                               But an eternal child
                                playing an eternal game
                                 in an eternal garden”
    hence the garden metaphors.

    Take your shoes and socks off and walk barefoot on the healing mother Earth, the garden, as much as you can or just sit soaking up rays as Earth transmutes all this for you. Take a deep deep breath and push all the pain, sorrow, negativity and  victumization out of your body through your feet into Earth for her to transmute into light and illumination and be open to receive honey. When you are empty of all that trash talk, remember to fill yourself back up with …I’ll just say Light, so these things you are outgrowing are being replaced with what will better serve you.
    Wrap yourself mentally up in bubble wrap with the big pockets of cushiony air and everytime someone says or does something that may affect you, or a negative thought tries to come and attack you again, they will hit up against you but will just be popping one little bubble and you’re covered so they won’t be able to touch you and pooping those little bubble pads of air are fun so laugh at how well you have protected yourself!

    And one very powerful truth if you understand that a thought in your head is JUST A THOUGHT and thoughts can be changed.        I am loving you now. artglass18@gmail.com