After attending Mastin Kipp’s Enter The Heart Tour in NYC a couple of weeks ago, we were guided though deeply intimate conversations with our own hearts, I promised my heart that I would write my first blog today. Not to do anything with it, except write it. Cue the fear. Not just little quivers of nervousness but full fledged panic attack inducing fear. What if I ever show someone and they “see me” like really “see me” and of course as a result of that, they think I am stupid, a terrible writer, and a failure in every way possible which of course, ruins my life forever. The End. I die from taking the risk of writing about my fears.
How does this little voice gain so much power to convince us that exposing ourselves as a vulnerable human being will bring the promise of sudden death?
It is scary to be vulnerable. Vulnerability opens us up to judgement. Not only other’s people’s judgment, but our own. Our own deep down dirty little secret that somewhere under all of our belief in ourselves and self love seminars, that we are somehow not worthy of being heard. So mostly I have knocked myself down before I thought someone else might.
Last night, I also promised myself to stop thinking that there will come a time when I am not afraid to write something, to teach something, or to speak to a room full of people. Because when others are involved, uncertainty enters. And it always will.
My biggest lesson from the event is that everyone feels ferocious fear when stepping into the unknown. Even NY Times best selling authors, even life coaches making a million dollars a year, and yes even the guy teaching the seminar! They continue to feel the fear with each new project, book, or launch. But they keep going.
The fear never leaves but neither do they!
Our world literally expands each time we decide to put ourselves out there in a new way DESPITE the voices reminding us that we might look silly or feel “less than” and we can’t be certain of how others will receive us.
But guess what? Each time we take action, we send a message to our fear mind. We thank him for coming to dinner but allow him to snuggle up under the covers and go to sleep early.
Our heart says she’s got this for now.
And just like that I wrote my first blog.
And I am still alive.
A TDL Reader