I just read your “Spending time with people who love you” post again - and just in time!
I’m about to head out or Saturday night with the girls, and I’m going to a place where a guy I dated a few times hangs out quite a bit. Needless to say, I’m nervous about running into him. If I’m honest he has acted like a jerk. We dated, he set all the rules, said he wante no commitment and then disappeared after he found out I had been diagnosed with a case of adult chicken pox.
I haven’t been to this place for a while and all day I’ve been running through my head what I would do or say if I saw him. I have been so angry, but don’t want to have a dummy spit. I don’t want to pretend all is ok for the sake of saving face either. Somewhere in there the thought had even crossed my mind that if I could pull this off confidentally, unemotionally and walk away, I may even get him to chase me again. (This has been the way it has worked in the past, and each time I, sadly, fell for it eventually.)
I reread the TDL newsletter and it all made sense to me. I have become aware of the lack of confidence within myself the past few months and it’s something I have been working on through affirmations, reading, awareness and meditation. Situations like this though seem to see me revert to my old ways rather quickly. I realize now through reading this that the problem is not him or how he reacts, nor is it because of something wrong with me. It’s simply a relationship that reflects back to me my beliefs about my own loveability. I’ve realized that if I do see him, it’s not an opportunity to win him back. It’s an opportunity to win me back by saying that was what I believed about myself, but that’s not what I choose to believe anymore. Funny how just that small shift in thinking and understanding can make a huge difference both in forgiving him and releasing my anger, as well as being the next step in learning to love myself more.
Lots of love and hugs right back at you, TDL Reader
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