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Daily Share – Having A Hard Time Making Friends

TDL_FB-iconHello, this is my first time sharing this in public but I have an issue with reaching out.

I am currently in college and it is so bad to where I can’t ask for help from teachers or seek out opportunities. Some say I’m just full of it because I do socialize a little and I am apart of a Greek organization where socialization and relationships are key.

Yet, I really do have the hardest times making relationships; this issue even hinders the ones I have with my own family. With this, I do feel extremely lonely and I fight with myself everyday saying it’s going to be ok and to do better but it’s hard. I do appreciate this site because it is very uplifting.

Thanks for reading.

A TDL Reader

  • Allison

    Hello Love. Do you know the source of your discomfort in reaching out? Is it that you are introverted? Shy? Don’t want to bother people? Want to act cool?

    You are in college and I am guessing relatively young, so perhaps there may be some things you don’t know. I used to be shy and introverted (still am at source), but I figured out somethings along the way.
    (1) Teachers WANT you to reach out to them, to ask questions. Most of them are rooting for you to MAKE it.
    (2) Many people are as also shy and not confident enough to reach out or make the 1st move. Often times, shyness is mistaken for snobbishness. Most people wear a mask. Many times, people are relieved and grateful that you take the initiative to say “hi” or even just smile. Just try it – even with non threatening people, people who you are not necessarily attracted to – see how it builds your confidence and it will soon become easy to do with anyone.
    (3) Sometimes, family can be the hardest to put down your walls with. Baby steps.

    Hey, you made the 1st move to put this out there. That’s pretty awesome.

    Good luck.

  • Hccoker

    I love the compassion exercise. I find that it helps one to realize that we are never separate from others – we are all trying to find our way and none of us has life figured out.

    Go to a pace where people congregate – a college campus would have plenty of those. Sit someplace where you can observe others. Find a person of interest to you or who might intimidate you in some way (but again you are at a distance and just observing).

    With attention on the person, repeat to yourself silently:
    “Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness in his/her life.”
    “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
    “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
    “Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.”
    “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”

    Try it out (on as many different people as you wish) and see if it helps you to have more compassion for both yourself and others. And through that act, hopefully you will find it easier to connect with others.

    You might want to also check out Brene Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection”. It might help you to recognize other sources of your discomfort if they stem from challenges with vulnerability, speaking your truth, and letting your guard down with people…and to also realize that everyone else on the planet has these same challenges in one way or another, even if they don’t show it.

    Most of all, instead of fighting with yourself, treat yourself with love and kindness and compassion. It is ok where you are. Speak kindly and gently to yourself. Be your own best friend and others will line up to join you!

    Best of luck and lots of love!