Late 2011 I wrote in and shared my story of my twin sons’ father leaving us while I was pregnant and then my sons being born 12 weeks early, “My Egg Split & So Did He.”Since then I have tried to convince their father to be apart of their lives by sending pictures on text and email messages. I contacted his friends and family. They all said that it didn’t sound like the man they knew but that they would see if they could talk to him about it.
I always wondered how he would be as a father, so far a non-existent one. I wasn’t sure if I was going to regret what I was asking for. The day finally came that I would know. This last Thanksgiving when my sons were 22 months old his mother invited me and the boys to Thanksgiving dinner at her house and it was made obvious that he would be there. As nerve-racking as it was, I still said yes we would be there. The boys met their father two days prior as I thought it appropriate he meet them without anyone else around and to see how he and I would get along.
I saw the same man I knew….
He stuck around for about a month and a half and then stopped responding to my calls and texts. He would only reply to an email if I CC’d his mother. During the month and a half he was around I tried to show him how to care for the boys like diaper changes and feeding them. He never caught on to the point I could leave him to watch them while I ran to the store for groceries. During many discussions about the past he still was pointing the finger away from himself and at his family and friends….those same people I had emailed asking for help to convince him to be a father and see his sons. He said not one of those people called or wrote him. He even showed anger toward them for that. He was still married to the other woman with my same name from a few years back.
He had been living with his mother this whole time and didn’t attempt a job search until 6 months prior to meeting his sons. This whole time he has been sitting on his butt living off his mother without a concern that his Child Support was piling up to over $15,000. He even tried to take credit for the Thanksgiving invite.
We became Facebook friends so I could share pictures with him and I saw all his posts since the boys were born. Trips to the mountains, to the coast and even a cruise. I became very bitter and angry that he was living it up while me and the boys struggle on very little income and many medical issues and procedures. I have gone out less than a handful of times since the boys came home. Not to mention the money he spent that could have helped my sons.
The last time we saw him was January 6th, and when he left it was not pretty. He couldn’t remember my sons full names….middle and last. He couldn’t remember their birthday either. I cried so hard and I told him to go home. I said I would call him in a couple days. I did and have almost every day since with no success. He has left once more.
My sons’ 2nd Birthday was yesterday and we did not hear any word from their father. Not even a Facebook status change saying “Happy Birthday to my Sons”. His mother and sister did however email me to say Happy Birthday and want to see them after they are over their flu next weekend. My boys still are under isolation and cannot get sick.
Lessons learned? Be careful what you ask for and be thankful for what you have already. Relationships will happen if they are supposed to so don’t force it. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and it takes more than sperm donations to be a father. All I can say to him is “Thank you for your donation.”
A TDL Reader