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Daily Share: Help Me Learn How To Forgive!

Good Morning Mastin,

I am going through a lot and I don’t know how to channel my anger, hurt, and pain. I have always been in a relationship for the majority of my life and never have I taken time out for myself to invest into myself. The relationships I have been in I have always invested more into the other person than into myself. I have always been the care-giver.

I put school on hold and made sure that the person I was with made it through school. This year has been bitter-sweet for me. I was able to get accepted into a highly ranked Criminal Justice program, when I shouldn’t of been accepted. I realize that this was only God and the Universe.

I am a 23 year old female. I had a close female friend who I considered like a sister to me .The friendship ended because I told her that I was attracted to women. She knew that I was not attracted to her and she is married with children, however she is not fond of that lifestyle. She felt betrayed that I did not tell her earlier when we were establishing our friendship. I was not ready to tell her and I was scared because I knew how she felt about that lifestyle. I wanted my friend to love me as the person I am and not because of my sexual preference. In all my relationships and friendships it seems that I am searching for one thing and that is to be loved for the true me. I ended one relationship and immediately jumped into another. I started dating a woman who was going through a divorce and had been mentally abused. Everyday she would accuse me of cheating on her. I always tried to make her feel loved and show her that I was there for only her. No matter what I did it wasn’t enough. After 3 months I found out that she was very manipulative and expressed qualities that I didn’t like. I liked the fact that she equally spent money on me as I did her and I enjoyed that her family accepted me. I didn’t like how she treated me and that I was paying for what her ex-husband put her through. I finally ended things and out of anger and spite when she spoke with someone that I considered my best friend and told them negative comments. My friend played right into it and hosted her in his house and they talked about me in a negative way. I have always been there for my best friend and it hurt that he would even host this type of negativity.

So Mastin, this past weekend I remained in the house from Friday evening until this morning and asked myself where did I go wrong. I realize now that I loved others before I loved myself. I realize that I invested more into others than I did myself. I have loved and I have lost. Even though I don’t have a drug addiction, I feel that my addiction was chasing the high of feeling loved and being in love. I do feel lonely at times but I have to remember that God and the Universe has a plan for me greater than I can imagine and I have to be selfless in order to receive that plan.

I am not trying to learn how to love and put myself first. This is a constant struggle and I am trying to channel my negative emotions into positive ones. The hardest thing in life for me was learning to forgive. Forgiving myself is the hardest part. Reading the daily love has been an inspiration to me. I am reaching out because I have learned that during the times you feel lonely the most, it is good to reach out and express how you feel.

Sincerely,

A TDL Reader

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  • GoodKarmaGirl

    We are all continually growing and learning as we travel through life. You are very, very young.  Going through growth is painful, but you will gain experience and flow past these painful moments and find a deeper understanding of you. We just have to go through the experiences of life  so we can learn who we are and how to be helpful to ourselves and others.  You will have greater depth to your personality and character that you will bring to future relationships and life experiences.  You will look back at these moments as learning experiences and you will have experience to help others. 
    The women who quit being your friend because you are attracted to women, well, people have different levels of consciousness and different values~ move on from that relationship and you will meet plenty of people who accept you for who you are. I enjoy reading Deepak Chopra for inspiration and guidance. I also like to meditate and pray~ Maybe these will be helpful for you. Enjoy your beautiful life and smile even when you may not feel like it~ smiling is a gift to yourself and others and can change your mood! Warm regards. 

  • http://hereivelanded.blogspot.com/ IveLanded

    I think that sometimes it’s not about forgiving……….it’s about accepting people for who they are, and about reminding ourselves that our disppointments in others are often more about us having unrealistic expectations. 

    For me, instead of dwelling on what other people did to me, I sometimes have to take a long hard look and realize that I expected things from them that they never demonstrated they were capable of. Usually people will show you with their actions how they are. But one very human thing we all do is constantly expect other people to be something different than what they show us they are. People show us who they are and we expect them to act like we would or just act differently….and then we are hurt or disappointed. When, in reality, that other person is only being exactly who they showed us they were. 

    Make the choice to accept people for who they are, warts and all, and that goes a long way in lessening hurt and disappointment. 

    And then…don’t let the actions of others define you. Someone may have let you down or hurt you…that doesn’t define who YOU are. Let them be themselves, let go of expectations, and move on. Lots of times, it’s a choice every day. Sometimes for me, it’s a choice every hour. And I have to be reminded to make the choice. I do things like leave this website up on my computer and I tape little notes all over my room. :) All you can do is be the best you. Let other people be who they are, even if it’s not who you want them to be. 

    • GV

      So beautifully written. Your words really resonate with me as I often find myself disappointed in those I am close to. But like you said, I can’t let their actions define me. All I can do is be the best me :)

  • Kimberly
  • Kimberly
  • Alexandrahaddada

    It’s amazing how much beauty can be found in pain…

  • Chris Ann Kelly

    Life is  soo hard especially after allowing myself to be hurt so much but how do we change i know i need to raise the bar I know i have a huge brick wall in my life that gets in the way and that i become withdrawn and cold but how do u change . Can anyone tell me please.

  • Bjackson0842

    I have similar feelings as this person at times. Im a giving person and that is just my nature. I have learned a lot about myself and the thanks goes to my family my pastor and my twitter fam. I understand that God is not finished with me and no I am not where I want to be but I am far from the person I was. I am an asset to society regardless of what people may think. Matter of fact wo cares what they think. I know who I am and I am getting better everyday and now I look for opportunities to be a blessing rather than getting blessed. This way I contstantly win because doing something for someone without expecting anything in return and seeing how it affects them gives me a joy that I cant get enough of quite honestly. As far as relationships, Im single but I wouldnt mind having someone but it will happen when its time. I try not to be anxious but when I do meet someone Im so eager to show them that Im a good person that feelings interrupt the experience of just being a good friend. I know Im not so good at dating but what God has for me is mine indeed so maybe Ill meet someone who goes about it the same way I do and we will find a common ground.