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Daily Share: Here Is My Dilemma

by Anonymous TDL Reader on December 3, 2011

Mr. P and I were heads over heels the minute we met. We talked day and night, spent every single awaking minute together. (yep, now I realized that wasn’t healthy). We took trips together. We even met the parents and close friends. I was so sure (even some of my friends were) that we are perfect for each other and crazy enough that Mr. P and I will get married. A couple months later, he pulled away and told me he wasn’t sure “how serious” we are. Wait…What?! I thought, and so I thought I had found what I’ve always wanted, a charming, caring, committing partner. Worse, I thought he felt the same way, he sure acted like he did. Now, I look back and see, how naive I was. It’s impossible to “know” a person for such a short period of time. I fell in love with a person who I wanted him to be, maybe not who he really is. I don’t know that because I didn’t, WE didn’t allow ourselves enough time to get to know each other very well. I’m blaming it on myself mostly because I fell hard and he wasn’t there to catch me.

I was exhausted after the 2 months of this whirlwind romance. Even though I loved what we had together, I could no longer stand the feelings of losing myself in this relationship. Frankly, I didn’t really know who I am before meeting Mr. P, since I didn’t give myself any breaks between my relationships. No wonder I was exhausted! I realized that I need to get to know me and be comfortable with just me. I told Mr. P that I needed time to find myself. He agreed to support my decision. So I’ve started to spend more time with my girl friends, back to my yoga practice, focus on my career, strengthen my faith, reading many self-help books. Not to mention I’m so glad that I found TDL. Reading your inspirational articles daily has helped me staying strong on my weak days and to love myself more so that I can truly love another person for who he is.

But here is my dilemma, why is it that every once a while, I long for Mr. P to come back into my life even though to me, he clearly doesn’t know what he wants either. I feel like I am spinning my wheel for the hundredth times every time I think of going back there. As I am well of my way in my journey of finding myself and loving me more, I “peek” back often to that open door to see if Mr. P is still there waiting for me. I think I know what my struggle is yet I don’t know how to overcome it. Maybe I just need to accept that once I am no longer looking back at that ‘open door’ to check on Mr. P, I have found myself because I no longer need him. Wish me luck, pray for me, be the little voices in my head telling “No” whenever I have the urge to turn it to that door.

Thanks for reading what I’m going through.

Love,

A TDL Reader

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This was shared with the author’s permission. We take your privacy seriously and would never publish something without your consent. Share what you’re going through by sending Mastin an email: WhatImGoingThru@TheDailyLove.com.

  • Gadikock

    Sweety,
    Your story so resonate with my experience. When my Mr. P was present he triggered all the deep fears inside of me… fear of rejection… of loneliness… of not being my authentic self… of not being good enough… of loosing my freedom… of not asking for what I need and want… of not being accepted… of not being pretty enough… or loving enough… I discovered that I bought into the misunderstanding that my happiness and commitment depended onto others. Now I am focused on making myself happy, committing to my own personal and spiritual growth, on fullfilling my needs and wants. And I trust that along the way that is the inner vibration that I am creating and trusting that the Universe will provide kind like person with the same vibration.Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story with me. It was just what I needed! You are an angel.Love, Gardenia

  • DreamCatcher

    You have to realize when something is done and over and no longer beneficial to you.  This sounds like a harsh metaphor, but when you run out of toothpaste, do you keep the empty container or do you discard it?  It is important to rid yourself of those things in life that are no longer of service to you.  That’s not to say that you should not surround yourself with folks who are always providing. But life is a give and take; the give and the take should be balanced for you and those people giving and taking in your life.
    You wanting to peek back is a resounding alarm about your self worth, and your insecurities.  At some point you need to know that you can do better.  You need to come to a point where you realize how beautiful you are, how smart you are and how you are worth (FILL IN THE BLANK WITH SOMETHING WONDERFUL).  People are going to make you feel great about yourself sometime, but it will only last if you know it first.

    If I could make a suggestion, try reading “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz

    • GV

      Absolutely loved & needed to hear this. thank you!

  • Zuddamind

    When we get involved in intimate relationships, we share ‘soul-parts’–we leave a little of ourselves with the other person. This is why it hurts to bad–we have this empty place that we need to heal.
    Old-timers used to say it takes about a year to settle the soul–to heal that place that is empty. Here’s one better—yes, the year is good, and during that year, you can ‘call back’ that soul part to come back to you. That’s what meditation, prayer and yoga do–they clean up that place that was torn, and it makes ready to receive the soul-part.
    I thought this was bunk, you know that ‘yeah, ok, right’–it’s a ‘we know everything when we are young’ thing–but after relationship that left me so broken and torn, I decided —hey, can’t loose–give this a try–and I gave it a year–and I studied meditation, prayed and started a yoga practice that lasted me for 30 years and kept me healthy–and within a year, I asked for the ‘hole in my heart’ to be healed. The Uni-verse is compassionate and always answers us, and I met someone who reminded me that I lost a part of my soul–a little soul part, and they told me–All you have to do is call it back in—ask! So I did, and it worked!
    Always give yourself time to heal, take time (do not rush–another reationship will not heal a broken heart), and just ask for that soul part to come back to you.
    It will happen, the memories are lessons–you know better, you will do better–and welcome in new when you are healed and ready.
    Blessings and love to you in your journey!

    • GV

      So beautifully worded :)  

    • http://www.treavioli.com Treavioli

      I’m pasting this to my journal. I feel like another door in my mind has been opened. Thank you for sharing.

  • HeartFlame

    Sounds like you are on exactly the right track!  Just be patient with yourself and let your self care work its healing powers on you.  Another thought … if you have not allowed space between relationships before, realize what you are doing now is completely new for you, which would explain why it is so challenging.  But the fact that you are sticking with it shows courage and great faith, which as TDL reminds us is the evidence of things not seen.  So keep pursuing your wholeness, get to know yourself, give yourself permission to do it differently this time.  And have faith that the day will come when you will be happy in your own company — which is the best place to be in to be open to another whole person.  Blessings!

  • Love and Light

    You are doing wonderfully!  Keep focusing on you and your path to self-love.  I went through something similar myself, and I, too, experience moments when I really just want him to call and for him to want me back.  But I know now that we are not the right match, and I know what I really want and am worthy of a loving relationship.  These pestering thoughts are just thoughts.  Let them pass, they will only distress you if you let them.  But know they have no power over you.  YOU have the power to persevere, and decide what it is you really want and truly need.  Let your heart heal on its own time, and continue to do the work to support the healing.  And know that one day, you will look back and see this relationship as a step in the right direction to a relationship that will be filled with so much love and one that will actually serve you.  Have faith and trust that the Universe is on your side!  Much love.

  • Daniela25

    True:))

  • http://twitter.com/TwoSistersTale Tale of Two Sisters

    I feel your pain and know exactly how you feel after the end of my whatever-it-was relationship with Mr. X.  My version of your “Mr. P”.  I too thought I saw signs that he cared for me too and yet slowly but surely the facade quickly faded.  His true intentions came to light and I was not only embarrassed but devastated at how stupid I was.  Only now do I realize I wasn’t stupid, I’m simply choosing to live life with an open heart, not a closed one like Mr. X.  You can and will feel better and stronger.  Strong enough to resist the pull to go back to your Mr. P.  I feel the same way about Mr. X sometimes, in moments of weakness when I think “if only…”  The thing is, there usually isn’t an “if only” if you came to the conclusions you did already.  I too have found solace in the gems of wisdom from TDL and know your life will be better than you could have imagined. It already is. :)

    Best wishes,
    ~DC Sister from http://twosisterstale.wordpress.com/

  • Electricblue99

    Youre making this wayy more complicated than it is… Look ar the facts. Hes just not that into you. It will take a while for u to totally forget him, but pkease move on. He already had u, and chose nt to be with you. It sucks but move on.

  • http://www.treavioli.com Treavioli

    I read this and thought, “Whoa, someone is writing my current life chapter.” I think it’s awesome that you were responsible enough to take initiative in listening to yourself (yoga, reading, etc). It’s what I’m doing and it’s working. I’m also finding my inner peace. And like you, I miss Mr. B all the time. It got bad today; I had to stop myself from driving to him and forgetting this whole thing. Instead I drove in the opposite direction. But it’s necessary to date yourself — to understand, to know. You’re doing great. :)

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