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Daily Share – He’s Got Me Confused…Help!

TDL_FB-iconHi all,
I don’t know how to proceed, and it makes me nervous and moody and break out crying. My ex and I broke up 10 months ago, but if I trust my gut and my friends and his, then there are still feelings on both sides…feelings so strong, I did not know they were that strong! He seemed like he couldn’t make up his mind, wanting to see me, but not daring to go a step further. “I’m too much of a coward to fight for her, so I’d rather hope time will heal me” is what he said to a friend. I decided to move on two months ago, and didn’t contact him anymore, I told him I won’t be friends, because I’d be lying to myself. Then a few weeks ago, he started to comment/like some of my social media activity.

Now, I stumbled into him this week at a party, and we spent the entire evening together, him leaving his friends and sneaking around me, and then suggesting we sit down and talk. We spent the entire evening, and talked and it was nice…then I went home and he did so too. My gut tells me he still has strong feelings for me.. you could see it, feel it. But seeing him and not hearing from him since has left me feeling hopeless and unsure. Is he trying to push me into the friendzone? Is he too much of a coward? What do I do now? If I confront him, he’ll be too much of a coward to even admit any feelings, and just block off. Please help!

Thanks so much, lots of love!

A TDL Reader

  • Fiona

    Please read “He’s Just Not Into You”. I think you know the answer. When a guy likes you, there is no doubt and no drama. This guy does not deserve all the time you spend thinking about him. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Unfriend him from Facebook and go live your own fabulous life.

    • TDL Reader

      Thanks for your answer. I think I know the answer – that he isn’t ready to commit. I wonder if commitment issues run in his family, as I’ve experienced his two elder brothers (both over 30) basically “running away” from their girlfriends and then regretting it very badly years later, but who knows (and I’m not looking for an answer to that). The situation definitely doesn’t deserve all the time I spend thinking about it, but it doesn’t change the fact that he keeps bumping up in my life all the time. I did unfriend him on Facebook already, I’ll definitely keep on living my life. Thanks again for your answer :-)

      • Anon

        It’s ok to think about it! It’s totally normal. Just let the thoughts go by without placing too much weight on them. They are not the truth. They are just passing by. You deserve someone who will fight for you – remember that. Let your ex and the whole situation with him go, knowing that if you are meant to be together it will happen. Maybe your ex will fight or maybe someone else even better for you will show up! You never know! Just keep looking forward and keep faith that the person meant for you is on his way.

        • TDL Reader

          Thank you so much. All you people are wonderful. Hearing this just makes me feel all warm and loved. I just needed a reminder that I need to focus on today and myself, and let this situation go, and that there’s a lot of love around me.
          Best to you!

  • Jolanda Ludwina Houben

    Dear TDL Reader, for starters……..your relationship broke up ten months ago! Second……..recently you both talked an entire evening?! About what?!……you are still waiting and didn’t get any answers. With all respect I do believe your ex isn’t emotionally healthy and ready to commit to you or anyone at this stage in his life. Feeling hopeless and unsure is NOT love. True love isn’t an inner emotional rollercoaster but an inner calmness. Forget about the hearsay. Go back into reality and continue your life. After all it’s your gut who decided to move on two months ago!! Take good selfcare and be wise! ;-)

    • TDL Reader

      Thank you for your answer! I totally agree that he isn’t ready to commit to me or anyone at this stage in his life. I initially didn’t decide to move on because of my gut, but because I saw that it just didn’t get me anywhere, and that I needed to be happy and that required moving forward. Thank you for reminding me! :-)

  • Irene

    I have been in a similar situation with someone who had “one foot in and one foot out”. I lost respect for him in the end because he acted as though he was superior to me and made be feel very insecure in the relationship. It all seemed quite spineless and cruel to me. He’s now married to someone else and miserable. But I have moved on too and am in a loving relationship with a wonderful soul. All the best!

  • You are right

    Hi, it sounds like you know the answer and want confirmation. It feels hard because there are still feelings there for you. But he sounds to me to have avoidant attachment which means he probably idealises love objects rather than speaks the truth and is grounded in himself. You need a man who knows what he wants, is grounded in himself and makes you feel wanted. Actions speak louder than words.