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Daily Share – Hiding My Lost And Lonely Feeling From Others!

February 12, 2013 by 6 Comments

TDL_FB iconI’ve been a lost and lonely person for as long as I can remember. I’ve learned not to show this. I am perceived as a strong, confident, happy, and independent person. I have an addictive personality, I am an alcoholic. I started drinking at the age of 13. I always felt awkward and out of place with people. I don’t believe I have ever had a close friendship – though people I know would say that they are my friend. I have been on a constant struggle with myself, wanting to heal and be more spiritual. I can almost touch it. It’s just out of reach. I know the peace I feel when I am willing and start working the steps to be more present in my recovery of alcoholism and the path to getting to know myself in more healthier ways of living. I feel so good physically and mentally. Then I join in on the adult beverages and the circle never ends. Serenity… always just out of reach. I turned on the TV. and Super Soul Sunday was on. That is how I learned of this site. I have another chance to recover from all the damage I bring to myself. There were a couple of quotes told on the show today. A couple I particularly liked, “the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek,” and, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

A TDL Reader

  • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

    Serenity is just out of reach b/c you believe it is just out of reach.  It’s there!  FOR you! 
    Everything you’re doing is of your own choosing, you know that, right?  If you really WANT to be healthy and feel good, then make choices that align with that. 
    It seems like you’re self-sabotaging yourself to me.  You do some things to go down the path of health and positivity, then dart back down the path of drinking and negativity.  I think you’re afraid of sticking on the positive path.  Afraid b/c you’ve been on your dark path for so long.  Afraid that people won’t REALLY love you if you show them who you REALLY are.  If you’re true and not hiding behind the alcohol. 
    You said you’ve never had what you’d consider a close friendship.  I can honestly relate to you there.  I’ve kept people at a distance too, for my own reasons.  I don’t have a lot of friends, even thought I think I would like to have more.  I say “I think” b/c I catch myself doing the same thing you do.  I will have opportunities to build relationships and meet new people, and often I choose not to.  I choose to withdraw and not be social. 

    But anyway… it’s all a choice.  What life do you want for yourself?  It’s up to you, and you alone, to act in a way to support that.  Trust that the Universe has your back!  It does!  If you step out on that limb, stop drinking, be the real you, yes, it’s scary, but it’s also so much more rewarding.  You’ll be living in LOVE and not FEAR!  Try it.  If you don’t like it, you can always go back.  Get help (it sounds like you might need it, though maybe not).  And hold in your mind and your heart WHO and WHAT you WANT to be.  Imagine the person you WANT to be.   Then BE that person!  What would “that” person do?  Then do that! 
    That’s a little trick I’ve used with myself from time to time.  For me it’s like this:  “What would a confident, strong person do in this situation?”  Then I do my best to do that myself.  It helps if I envision other people in the situation I’m in, and imagine what they would do.  It takes it off my shoulders, so to speak, and lets me see my situation in a new light, and act the way I WANT to, instead of the way I would naturally respond out of fear. 

    Hope any of this helps.  You can do whatever you want to do!  Believe that!

    Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/obscure-is-better-than-popular.html

  • http://www.facebook.com/aurora.brierley Dawn Brierley

    Decide right now that Serenity is yours! That’s the hard work done. Simply decide! Once you make the decision to change your life, it changes. 
    You can use the power of intentions, affirmations and raising your standards to attract new friends who are trustworthy, who are loving, who are supportive and understanding, friends who care about you and encourage you to self-care and self-love. You have that power to create it! it’s right there with you at this second and it always will be. 

    I recorded a YouTube video about a teaching from A Course in Miracles for a magazine I write for, and the summary of the message I talk about there sums up this situation in truth for you. 

    What you are going through right now is a dark dream, and that’s all it is. It hasn’t always been and it won’t always be. This darkness hasn’t always been in your life – think for a moment of all those moments of joy you have experienced, those times of hope, – they weren’t darkness, they were LOVE, so now you have evidence of this darkness that seems insurmountable when you listen to your ego voice hasn’t always been. And if it hasn’t always been, it won’t always be. Why? Because you have taken some very huge steps to get to this present moment. 

    You’ve taken the step to listen to your H.I.N.G.E (what I call our Higher Intuitive Nurturing Guiding Expression of who we are) and switch on the TV to be in the perfect moment at the perfect time to watch Super Soul Sunday. You took the step to STAY watching the show AND make notes on the affirmations that give you hope and joy. You then made the decision to visit TDL. Then you made the decision to ask for help – which is the HUGE step, well done sweetie, I am so so proud of you. 

    See – You have been making decisions for the higher good of who you truly are. You are already changing, you are already becoming who you want to be, you are already being true to yourself. The hardest part of the journey is over for you now. The only way is up for you! And you are the pilot of your own flight! Take that power, decide for yourself that you deserve better, set those SUPER HIGH STANDARDS and be the change. 

    I know you can do it, why do I know? Because You’ve already made the biggest and most healing decisions that you will ever make… More miracles are coming to you, they are on their way, in fact they are literally waiting outside your vibration zone and aura you have created and with each tiny decision, thought, feeling and act you make they can zoom on into your vibrational experience quicker than a milli-second! But only you can allow them in. 

    I believe in Miracles, and I expect to experience miracles everyday. 

    If you need any more help from me, 

    you can find me on my website : http://www.CelestialLifeCoaching.wordpress.com 

    or on my facebook page : http://www.Facebook.com/CelestialLifeCoaching 

    If you want to watch the YouTube video I mentioned about ACIM which goes WAY further into how you can perceive this situation you are in, you can view it here: 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBKoOLK2_fA&list=UU9b9LuaasfG9ONLmGdMIOLQ&index=4 

    Love & Miracles
    Dawn 
    xXx

  • Misslightfootmba

    I too have the same issue of intense feelings of loneliness and feeling lost. I can honestly say, that once you cut destructive people and things out of your life, you start to see things a lot more clearly. You start to learn more about yourself and self acceptance and love is easier. Its a struggle everyday but well worth the effort! I wish you nothing but peace. The best thing is, TODAY this is your 1st step in the right direction! GOOD LUCK!

  • Michell359

    Thank you Mastin for writing about our darkest hour. I have been off of work for a week after struggling with a ridiculously high work load, never dropping the ball, doing an excellent job for nine mos, while allowing my health and family (I am a single mom with two daughters) pay the price. I have worked for this system for 8 years and have received excellent evaluations. Then my supervisor spoke to me, again, in a horribly demeaning way in front of, and to, another co-worker. That was my breaking point. I went home sick, saw my Dr and e-mailed my union rep. Union rep shared my e-mail with the director of the dept. with my permission, and they have reduced my work load and said they would work with me re: my supervisor’s mgt style. Instead of feeling happy with the outcome I was feeling like a  bad person because something bad was happening to me. Then I read your blog and changed my perspective.
    One of my favorite affirmations is one I learned from Deepak Chopra:

    I am beneath no one.
    I am fearless.
    I am immune to criticism.

    What I needed to add for me in the affirmation was that I am immune to criticism, even from myself. As for many people, I am my own worst critic. You helped me to silence the critic (negative) and look at the positive.
    I will no longer  tolerate verbal abuse, intimidation and bullying from anyone, even a supervisor. Ironically, I work in Mental Health. I am not the only one being bullied in this system. I feel good about saying something as scarey as it has been, especially when my dear friend pointed out “You are standing up not only for yourself but for those who are unable to do it for themselves.”
    All I want to do is help and grow.
    Thank you so much.

     

  • http://twitter.com/LivingUrBliss Bliss Magazine

    As you walk through the valley of darkness, don’t stop walking keep going. Remember that in our deepest darkness and in our deepest despairs our greatest strengths are cultivated. Our greatest growth as human beings occurs in the valley of darkness.

  • http://www.dittymac.blogspot.com/ Virginia Llorca

    I feel kind of solitary, kind of ‘me against the world’ I guess, but I think it is by choice.  I have an extended family that relies on me for various things, and I think I am kind of guilty of keeping them dependent on me, maybe because I fear being “alone”, but I often  wonder why they turn to me for answers, that it would serve them better to answer for themselves.   I always say I try to understand others’ beliefs and feelings and expect the same in return, and I know what I think or feel is not right for others, not even in the most general way.  But I am sure that the way I think and feel is right for me.  Not that this is cast in stone because it does change, but I want to figure it out for just me.