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Daily Share – How Can I Break Free?

TDL_FB-iconI had loved a man for many years, but he wasn’t able to commit and I eventually married someone else- a great guy, whom I loved less. My ex was resentful. I thought he loved me, and I wanted to get back with him even though I was married and pregnant by that time. Out of desperation, since my ex couldn’t commit, I stayed with my husband. One day, after eight years, my ex decided to go out with my best friend. Neither of them told me, I learned it from someone else. They are still together after three years. I feel betrayed and hurt…I just can’t seem to let go of the hurt. How can I break free from all of this?

A TDL Reader

  • jacquie

    invest your energies in your marriage and not on this false dream of the what if. Your child and your marriage will be the most rewarding experience you will encounter but not if you continue to look back.

  • Ea Dige

    Dear reader,
    From why you are telling us, release the thought that Them being together has anything to do with you. How could it have anything to do with you ??
    They bring more love to the World the same way you are by giving your attention to what Is now. You being your husband. There is mistakes in the Uni-verse.
    Nameste

  • http://www.twopawsupgrooming.com/ Carol Shannon

    I agree with the other two comments. Start focusing on what’s in front of you right now and being grateful for what you DO have. Only thing you’re doing is giving energy to a fantasy. If you’re not happy with your current situation, then change it. If you need some books to help you begin to “Love what is” then check out Byron Katie and everything she’s written. You can also see countless vidoes of her on youtube. Also, you’re creating your feelings of betrayal and hurt with your thoughts about the situation. It is what it is, when we create judgement around a particular along with it comes suffering. You and you alone are responsible for how you feel in any given moment. Obviously you’re not intended to be a part of his life, or you would be. See the rejection as protection as Mastin Kipp always says. It’s the Uni-verse’s way of saying “not this, we’ve got something much better in store for you.” Have faith, the Uni-verse ALWAYS has your back. Get out of your head and on with your life.

    Namaste ♡

  • vicki

    Get ready to hurl your shoe at me. Could this person represent something that is unfinished, unresolved, perhaps from childhood? Who else has made you feel this way? If you had ended up with him, what would that mean to you about you. Who else has betrayed you? How have you betrayed yourself?

    I know it sucks. Observing, inquiry, pulling the cloak of invisability from around our patterns, histories, unmet needs is painful and the only way I know to stop the repetition. First and foremost be gentle and kind with yourself. Forgive yourself even if you do not know what you have to forgive. My wish for you is to find what you seek within yourself.

    OK now you can throw the other shoe at me!

  • MeredithShay

    A lot of times in relationships we end up unhappy because we put all the weight of bringing joy and happiness into a relationship onto another the person. You should have people in your life that value, support you, and bring you joy- don’t get me wrong! However, it is our PRIMARY job to love ourselves first. If we respect ourselves then 1. we don’t depend on others as much to fill that void and 2. they see that we value ourselves enough and will in turn show respect.

    About 8 months ago I was really unhappy in my marriage until I started making it a priority to love myself, because I realized that I hadn’t been doing that. I expected my husband to be a mind reader and do all these things when I wasn’t even doing them for myself. Then I took a hard look at what I was actually doing to make the relationship thrive between my husband and I. Everything that I thought he was doing to bring our marriage down, I was doing first. In relationships, often the behavior that bothers us the most in other people are actually things that we are doing ourselves. It’s extremely difficult to accept responsibility when it is so easy (and part of our society) to blame the other people for problems in our life. But becoming accountable with our actions and how WE treat ourselves and OTHERS is the first step in happy and productive relationships.

    Yesterday on TDL the theme was a lot about relationships. If you didn’t read Mastin’s blog as well as the Daily Share (as well as some of the awesome advice that people wrote that person, you really should. I hope you find clarity about your relationships.

    Love,
    Meredith

  • mariah

    Its HARD not to personalize what others do especially when they’ve been trusted as deeply as lovers have. As lame as it seems, the bigger picture is brighter for you. Those that are unworthy of our trust get revealed and removed. When I focus on my true rrsponsibilities, like raising my children, I can live with myself. Comfortably.
    Todays society breeds an attitude of disposability that I am so glad I resisted. Our kids need us!