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Daily Share – How Do I Change My Belief That I Am Not Good Enough?

How do you change a life long belief that you’re just not quite good enough?
I am surrounded by friends who all have their own close friendships but I don’t seem to have that.
I’m on the outskirts, like the kid in the playground who doesn’t quite fit in.
How do I change that?

A TDL Reader

  • A TDL Reader

    I so empathise with you about being on the outskirts. However I’ve learnt that a belief is just a belief, you can change it. Nowhere is it written in stone that you or anyone is not good enough. In fact nothing is written in stone, we can build and adjust our mindsets to create and live the lives we want.

    And I think that by wanting to change that long life belief of not being good enough hints to an even deeper unrealised belief that damn it I’m more than good enough and I know it! So eke it out and back it up with the facts like how great you are at listening/dancing/cooking/teaching/being a good friend or pet owner whatever it is that make you valuable.

    Treat yourself how you would treat a friend, accept yourself, and fit in with yourself. You’re amazing. Give thanks for being surrounded by friends and release the perception of not fitting in- you’re there aren’t you? If you are  comfortable in yourself you can be comfortable in any situation.

    Lots of love -x-

  • TDL lover

    Yes I would agree with the lady below me, when you begin to solidify your own sense of self worth, people who are worthy of your friendship will flock to you.

    Beliefs are hard to change but by no means impossible, every person who has the courage to be willing to look at themselves can often encounter moments of self doubt, but these are just opportunities for growth, and growth and change are TERRIFYING for the ego, who wants you to stay stuck in your comfort zone where nothing can harm it. 

    However by staying there with these friends who may well without knowing it, be stunting your growth or holding you back you are not realising your full potential. Live your life the way YOU want it and don’t be afraid to leave some things behind, nothing loved is ever lost and all of the people who are meant to stay in your life will stay or come back to you. Trust me I have felt this fear and I mean REALLY felt it, and the people who were meant to move on from my life did and those who were meant to stay or come back did! 

    And if you are unsure what path you want to take, PRAY, PRAY PRAY, and PRAY some more! I PROMISE the answer will come to you in one way or another, the universe has so many opportunities waiting to be unleashed on you if you open up and let them in! Forget about them, get to know you, because you are so worthy of all the great things life has to offer. BELIEVE, and remember your only human, and everyone doubts themselves from time to time, don’t identify with it, it ain’t who you are! And it wont stop you! 

    Love to you Xxx

  • Drew

    Some wisdom from the amazing Abraham Hicks– ” A belief is a thought you just keep thinking”. You become what you think, feel and believe. Once you think a thought over and over, you begin to feel it, then you begin to believe it. If negative thoughts are something we’ve created as result of some event, then I believe that we have the power to create a thought that will empower us and let our beauty and Love shine! Give it a shot…
    With Love
    D

  • LoveU4U

    You may feel like you’re in the outskirts but maybe it’s your thoughts clouding friendships waiting to happen.  Or your fear of not being good enough limits you.  Practice self love daily and things will change.  

  • Jcev75

    You are perfectly imperfect! God made each individual unique…so just think..There is no one on the earth like you and that nothing can replace you.  That’s an amazing thing within itself. We are what we think…. Be blessed and love  yourself first because with out love for self, how will you get the love you want?
    :)

  • Kathryn

    HUGS!

    First a hug. :)

    If you were my child, this is what I would tell you: The most important thing to know is that no matter what, no matter when, no matter if you believe it or not- YOU ARE LOVED. You are! You are here on this earth by Love to learn and grow and be blessed and happy. Sometimes it may not feel like this is true, but feelings are just feelings and not always the truth. The truth is YOU ARE LOVED. Now someone may have told you that you are not worthy or treated you like you aren’t worthy, but that is a lie! You are every bit as good as those people you look at and compare yourself to. So stop with the negative self-talk! Happiness is your birthright so chin up and smile!

    When my kids would come to me and say they were worried about what other people thought, I always told them not to worry because most people are too busy thinking about themselves to be spending time thinking about you. This doesn’t mean they are selfish or bad- it simply means they are not aware of their own thoughts and they are consumed with their own fears of rejection! Even the popular kids are worried someone will find the chink in their armor and they will become a victim. Do NOT assume you know what others are thinking! Maybe they are having a really horrible day and if you assume it’s all about you, why you would be wrong! So how do you use this information to help you? Be compassionate and be a friend. That old saying about the best way to have a friend is to be a friend is exactly right!

    Understand that relationships are built on trust and trust takes time. Give yourself time to trust others and give them time to learn to trust you. Ask yourself if your expectations are reasonable. Do you expect people to latch onto you and immediately make you one of their tribe? Do you expect that you aren’t a “success” unless everybody wants to be your friend? It’s more reasonable to expect that you will have a handful of really close friends in your lifetime and many casual friends, than the other way around.

    Finally, find the thing/activity that makes your spirit soar! People will be attracted to the light and joy that radiates out of you! Find a way to share that joy with others. You will be a blessing to others, and in the process will find more happiness than you could have ever imagined!

    Peace and joy!

  • Faulkners

    Buddha said something along the lines of “you yourself deserve your love”. When you learn to love yourself, you reflect a beautiful light and your best qualities are drawn out. People will be naturally brought to you and they will reflect this light – this is how the best friendships are made! Love yourself wholeheartedly first and remember that whatever pain you’re dealing with is completely temporary. Your situation is temporary, and your experiences are temporary. But the love you have for yourself is forever. 

  • anon

    I imagine this is making you feel self-conscious. Self-consciousness is uncomfortable so I sympathize. I used to feel like that. I found that two things work- 1 reinvent yourself – maybe on the outside, but even if it’s on the outside then the point is to change the way you feel about yourself on the inside. You could do this by taking on a new ‘role’ or ‘persona’… so right now you are acting out the role of ‘outsider’ or maybe even ‘rejected’… what would the role of ‘insider’ be like or ‘accepted’? Imagine how that looks and feels and see if walking around ‘pretending’ that in your own imagination helps? 2. Take your focus off yourself and put it onto other people whenever you feel self conscious. Look for someone who is not talking to anyone and give them attention. Look for ways you can offer these people something such as comforting, humour, invites to interesting places, cooking tips, favours… whatever you can see that they might need that you might be able to share with them…. oh, and you have a 3rd option, which can be summed up in a saying “Don’t stay where you are tolerated, go where you are appreciated and celebrated”… I don’t know your situation or the people involved, but it’s not all about getting other people to like you, you have to equally ask yourself  ‘do I even like these people??’ It might be time to branch out and find more social life elsewhere and then if this situation improves it’s a bonus and not the be-all and end-all that it feels like it is right now. Whatever you do though, treat yourself with complete respect. If you have to bend over backwards for these people all the time, they are not worth your time. Good luck.

  • anon

    I have noticed something that works in a very profound and instant way for me. I treat myself with extra care when I feel like I ‘deserve it’ the least. So if I feel bad about myself because of any low self esteem style thought, I take this as an alarm clock waking me up and telling me to do something to ‘spoil myself’ or pamper myself… it could be a bubble bath where I use nice products and bother to light candles… it could be a shopping trip where I buy myself a treat… it could be taking extra care to make myself a romantic meal for one… or watch a feel good film. Doesn’t matter on the details of why you feel down on yourself, doesn’t matter on the details of what you do that expresses love and care for yourself… it just works that way. You treat yourself as if you are of high value, deserve respect, deserve care and tlc, deserve treats for no good reason… and the result is that you raise your self esteem and start feeling like you deserve these things. So if you can treat yourself as if you deserve things/good company/nice friends FIRST before you FEEL like you do, then chances are your mind will start to believe you are worthy and deserve it all, because it will think you are getting this all because you ‘deserve it’… I say this because it’s something that works every time for me. Might be worth experimenting in case it works for you too?

  • anon

    There is no ‘deserve’ in life. That is the stuff of childhood. Adults tell children they get certain things because they deserve them. Life isn’t about deserve as an adult, the game has changed. So you don’t have to decide if you deserve something… all you have to focus on is if you have it or don’t have it… and if you don’t have it, look for ways to get it. You can use your moral code when deciding how to go about getting something, but apart from that, figure it out and go for it. That’s how the world works. In Zen they say that the best way to overcome any obstacle is to first realize that the obstacle is not important and can be dismissed. Your obstacle is that you think you must ‘be good enough’ before you can have the relationships you desire. Once you dismiss ‘being good enough’ as unimportant to getting the friends you want, you can move past it and focus on getting the relationships you want. Who gets to judge how good you are anyway? Every person on this planet would have a unique opinion if asked… so the only person who can make that decision is you really, so declare yourself good enough and that makes it a fact. Because it’s a matter of opinion, so pick the best opinion, since you have the choice of any opinion you want on the matter.

  • http://rejectingparameters.wordpress.com/ kristenmichellebrown

    What everyone else says, and: Make a little luxury for yourself. This might sound ridiculous, but I started believing that I was good enough when I started drinking freshly found coffee every morning. The old me thought I wasn’t worth the effort of buying a grinder and spending an extra 10 seconds in the morning to make a lovely drink. But that nice little gesture for myself set the whole tone for the day. I started to think that if I was good enough for good coffee, maybe I was good enough to take care of or honor myself in other ways. But don’t wait – as they say, “fake it ’til you make it.” You’ll get validation from others once you get validation from yourself.

  • Karen

    People typically mirror whatever it is we think about ourselves.
    If you don’t truly believe you’re a fun-to-be around person with all the qualities of a great friend, chances are no one else will either.
    So how do you change that?  Re-train your thoughts by using affirmations.   Spend time every day looking in mirror, into your eyes, and tell yourself how wonderful you are, how people love to be around you, think you’re funny, love what you have to say, seek you out for friendship etc etc etc…it might sound like you’ve heard this all before but the power of using Universal energy to change your mindset is now becoming mainstream.  Changing your thoughts about yourself is pretty simple if you commit to it, even when it feels at first as though nothing is changing within you.
    If you do this consistently for the next 30 days, every day for at least 2 minutes, you will shift the energy you are putting out and I guarantee  that you WILL have people responding positively to  you.