Here is my story: I am in the process of divorce. It is horrible thing but I had no choice but to leave my husband after many years of emotional abuse and domination. I began giving back was what I was getting to my children my parents and friends and hated who I was becoming. I have 2 boys 11 and 8 who are my world since the day they were born. I have raised them with an eye to complete and while developnent to prepare them for the world they will be living in as adults. So I left the house with the children one February night. Feeling guilty for having taken the boys from there father I returned home after a week and we started “nesting” which is when the children stay home and we were coming and going. After trying mediation which didn’t work for me we went to collaborative divorce which also works towards mediating our disagreements to come to an agreement. I also left that situation feeling like I was giving up and he was gaining whether it was about the parenting plan or about money. We did agree to sell our house to free up money. I moved to a rental house which is very expensive but I was in a time crunch. I hired a litagating attorney because we were clearly on a path to court since we couldn’t agree or co-parent. We went to court for Temporary Orders which I thought would help us start a structure but $10,000 later my lawyer was terrible and also trujng to reach agreement in the middle the order says my kids need to spend MORE time with their dad which does not work for them and he needs to pay me only childsupport guidelines with no expenses. He makes 3x what make in salary and has a consulting business he can lean on when he needs cash. None of that was considered by the court. The energy shifted upon getting these orders because he felt like he won! He stopped being angry for a bit and i felt free even though the orders suck for me and my kids. I liked the energy shift. Of course it has not lasted.
We have been very lucky that my children have gone to a private Waldorf School their whole lives. I started working there 4.5 years ago which I love and am happy to say it pays most if the tuition. In that way I am totally contributing to the financial pool. The judge however is not asking him to pay anything towards school.
There were other crazy orders too which absolve him from supporting the children being with me their primary caretaker and supporting the life they were used to. But temporary orders are that. We can go back to court and change things. I am about to fire my lawyer. The dilemma I am struggling with is this: do I hire a “shark” attorney and spend another $10,000 (the rest of my saving) to move things in a more confrontational direction to be heard and on behalf of my kids or do I keep trying to communicate with my husband and settle before trial? As I write this I worry about my children being dragged through this. I want them to see my fighting for what is best for them. They do see their father fighting for what he wants for himself but it is clearly not about what is best for the children. If I go the shark route I am not sure if I will feel relieved to have someone fighting for me since I am not a fighter or will I feel scared and fearful for what this will bring out in my husband. I am a lover not a fighter so my heart is breaking.
Do I give up? Again? Or do I hire an attorney who can meet my husband where he is and have real negotiations? Am I up for it? These are my questions. I would LOVE your feedback. I love The Daily Love!
A TDL Reader
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