I have a constant struggle with myself because there is a group of people that I want to be friends with, however at the same time, the effort I have to put mixed with minimal good feedback seems wasteful. I have been friendly with the girls individually but it’s obvious I’m not totally in the group. I sometimes can be at peace with this when I am home but in school it puts me in such a horrible mood and then when I go home it affects my life with my family. I don’t always WANT to put in the effort because it is very tiring and it does not usually do much. It is because I feel I should be talking to them at night and making plans (instead of being at home) that makes me down and depressed.
I am not at peace with myself because I feel like if I give up, I will have no friends, and when I hear about parties and hangouts that I wasn’t invited to I will feel so sad and bad about myself. I feel like I will have a happier experience in school (looking back too) if I keep trying. But I’m tired. How do I stay motivated? I’m tired of feeling bad about myself all the time. I try to tell myself I only have two and a half more years of high school but I have a feeling I will feel this way in other situations in my life. I try to say to myself, “even if they do not see these qualities in you does not mean you do not have them.” I would love more affirmations and not to feel so alone.
A TDL Reader