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Daily Share – How To Love Myself And Know When I Do?

February 11, 2013 by 7 Comments

TDL_FB iconHusband left me for another female. All men in my life have been selfish. I believe I love myself, but I must not. I’m still thinking I need a man to make me happy. So, how to love myself and how do I know when I do? I refuse to date until I have this down.

A TDL Reader

  • http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

    You don’t love yourself.  Not really.  I know because of your actions of continually choosing men who disappoint you and don’t treat you with respect.  And you know this too, you said so. 

    I’ve been there.  My husband didn’t leave me for another woman (I’ve never been married), but I HAVE chosen guys who I can’t count on and who aren’t there for me.  I figured out some years ago that this is probably due to my early childhood (they say we are the way we are, in large part, b/c of what happened in our lives from birth to age 7.  Of course, we still have control over how we react to life as an adult and can change how we think…that’s where the work comes in).  Anyway… my distrust of people came because when I was 6 months old, my parents handed me over to my grandparents (who I hadn’t met until that point), and traveled the world for a couple of weeks.  True, it was just a few weeks, and true, they came back, and true, they let my grandparents, who loved me dearly, care for me while they were gone.  But to a baby… having the ONLY people you know in your life, your parents, just up and be GONE one day?  Oh boy… hard to re-earn trust after that one.  Conseqently, I’ve felt closer to my grandma my entire life than my parents. 
    But another element of the story is when I was just a year of 2 old, my parents divorced and my dad left me and my mom.  He wasn’t ready to be married and have a kid.  My mom remarried when I was 6, and that man adopted me (my birth father gave up all rights).  But the damage was done.  I went through my whole growing up years and into adulthood thinking I wasn’t good enough for a man (or person, remember my mom left me too, even if for a short time) to stick around.  Something was “wrong” with me.  People don’t STAY with me.  Heck, part of me still believes this, it’s something I work on every day, in every relationship. 

    So I encourage you to look at what happened in your early childhood.  Sometimes if you know WHY you are the way you are, it makes it easier to understand, and be forgiving of yourself and others. 

    I used to hold a major grudge against my birth father and my mom for my early childhood.  But then I realized, and accepted, that they did the best they could with what they knew and who they were at the time.  They were young.  I honestly can’t falt my dad for not WANTING to settle down.  I’m 35 and still don’t want to “settle down.”  It’s why I’m not married and don’t plan on having kids.  I think my personality is a lot like his. 

    But anyway, spend some time with YOU.  I encourage journaling.  Get out ALL the thoughts and emotions on paper.  Don’t censor yourself.  I find that really helps. 
    Do things YOU enjoy, for your own pleasure…not for anyone else, or to meet anyone else. 

    I think given that you said this is a pattern, you will need a good while (months at least) on your own, focusing on YOU.  Get in touch with your inner spirit.  Your inner voice.  Find out who YOU are and love and accept that person.  You are perfect, just the way you are.  Know that and believe it! 

    Sarah
    http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/it-will-eventually-arriveand-pass-on-by.html

  • Sheena

    You could do things that you like to do, that will give you strength and you will little by little gain confidence which will allow you to go out there and attract men with better values than the one you had before. You deserve someone who will treat you like a princess, so think of yourself like someone exceptional with high qualities and values.
    The beauty inside you will come out naturally and you’ll get Mister Right!
     
    Ch~

  • http://twitter.com/TheSheSessions AbigailEatonMasters

    I’m a firm believer that “your path is the way”.  Who better to handle this crap than you, in other words?  You’re experience shows you the perfect contrast between what you want from life and what you don’t.  You can’t change other people’s behaviors but you can decide on your own and how you feel about them.  Cause you got it all going on, believe that, and even though right now you are feeling a wobble, you’ve got this!  How do I know?  Well first let me say…

    Congratulations on choosing such a bold and beautiful path.  What strength you must have to stand firm in your own belief and integrity that you are good enough and are deserving not only of love but self love. Wow! Sure, life throws us some sh*t, name one person that doesn’t have that ticked on their life-list but you know, a million other women would be standing in your shoes right now and be wallowing or begging their man to take them back.  Yet you, you’re like “Hey how can I improve on me?”  

    Wanting to be with another human being for comfort, warmth and communication is natural, so don’t be so hard on yourself for wanting a man, they got some stuff we need right?!  Our partners in life, whether they be for a reason or a season, can provide brilliant, life changing, door opening keys for us to reveal our own brilliance, so let’s not tar every many with the same brush.  Be gentle on yourself, it’s OK to want someone.

    This stuff doesn’t happen over night for everyone and all this is so fresh for you. sometimes stuff just has to be released first, you know like shining a light on all that old stuff, so you can have a good spring clean of the soul.  Self reflection on how you feel, about all the men in your life who have been and gone, starting with your father is a good place to kick it off.

    Take baby steps to finding out what you need and what you want that involve just you.  Sometimes it takes a brave step to find out what that it, like joining a class or doing something crazy new.  When you begin by feeling that inner glow, or of even realizing that you’re smiling, then you are providing yourself with that essential nurturing, deep self love and respect.

    Love Abi xo

    https://www.AbigailEatonMasters.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/aurora.brierley Dawn Brierley

    I believe that you need to raise your standards. Standards of what Men you attract into your life, Standards of what you EXPECT from a relationship, Standards of what you expect of yourself, Standards of what you expect your daily life to look, feel, and be like. All those standards need to be SUPER SUPER SUPER HIGH. 

    I was in an abusive relationship where I let him dictate to me and control me to the extent where I allowed him to tell me what to wear, what jewellery to wear, and even began convincing me to give up my job. I ‘woke’ up and saw the light and decided that something had to change. I set myself daily standards, such as today I won’t cry, I will find 5 things that I LOVE/LIKE about myself – It was “like” to begin with as I really did not like myself at all, then I began thinking about what I wanted from life and what I actually expected from life. 
    It may sound cliche to say it all changed for me the second I decided that I expected More from myself, More from those around me, and More from life. But it literally did change. I raised my standards and now my life is 100% better, happier and more loving. I smile at myself more, I feel more love and appreciation for myself, I respect myself more. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve been through and HOW I got to where I am today. I’m a Loud and Proud Survivor of my Ego and my Past.  I’m now a life coach, I aspire to helping as many women as I can to raise their standards and love themselves as they truly are. 

    • Lakeah A

      I needed that…SO BAD today…everyday. I am facing tough times. Battling something that I know I don’t need or deserve in my life. Never have I thought with all my hard work, preserverance, and wit that I would settle for something that doesn’t promote growth, positivity, and love but I have. I feel so disappointed in myself…((tear)). You have encouraged. Thank you :)

      • http://www.facebook.com/aurora.brierley Dawn Brierley

        You have absolutely no reason to be disappointed in yourself sweetheart, none what so ever. We all make mistakes, I made a huge one, we all say that “it will never happen to us” and sometimes wake up finding out that it has – which can be a major heart breaker for our inner guide, but what counts is what we do when we realise that we have for whatever reason seemingly got sidetracked. You have taken the first step in acknowledging that the standards you HAD were too low, all you need to do now is stop the tears ( I know it’s hard but trust me, you look so much more gorgeous without puffy sad eyes – again, I know from experience), and grab a pen and some paper and list 5 things you like/love about yourself, and then set yourself between 5 and 10 standards for yourself. 

        Maybe a few examples might help; 
        I will only allow loving people who have my best interests at heart into my life.
        I accept only positive energies in my experience.

        I believe in miracles and I expect to experience Miracles everyday.

        I will do one thing today that will make me smile. 

        I will throw out one thing that no longer fills me with joy. 

        Today I intend to invite miracles into my life. 

        xxx

        Let me know how you get on and if I can help you in any way :)  

        Love & Miracles xxx

  • Donata Joseph

    Read the book May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein and You can heal your life by Loiuse Hay… You’ll learn how to love yourself. Once you’ve learned to love yourself you will know your worth and won’t need a guy to validate you. Trust me I know, I was the same way. I am so in love with me and that change has allowed me to love others for who they are and not what they can do for me or fufill i need. May you find the love you seek within. – Donata :)