I can’t let go of a person who was very important to me. He was my first real love, the very first guy I let get close to me (I was 22 when we started dating). We had been dating for almost a year. I can’t say everything was perfect, but we loved each other and tried to work on every problem that came up. It was the first serious relationship for each of us. But in the end he just disappeared. Just stopped calling.
I sensed that he wanted to break up, but I thought he was just waiting and was going to call me and say something to me at least. I waited for about 2 weeks. I had my finals and graduation from my university to keep me busy those 2 weeks. He didn’t even call on these important days for me. I was angry. Suddenly he didn’t care anymore. It wasn’t like him at all. My life used to be important to him.
But then I started to worry. Maybe something happened to him. He recently made new friends, the ones with a bad reputation in our town, rich kids. I got worried. I gathered up my courage and called him. A few times. He didn’t pick up. This all was beyond weird (at least to me at the time). Then I showed up at his place, more worried. He opened the door, saying he was sleeping. I just stood by the door, he didn’t even let me into the house. I asked if he was alright. He said yes. I asked if he was offended by something I did. He asked, surprised, “By what?” And then said, “No.” I just stood there so hurt. Just looking at this emotionless stranger’s face cut me like a knife. Just 2 weeks prior he said he loved me. It seemed unreal and so humiliating. It seemed as if he wondered what I was doing there. He only asked if I graduated and when I said yes, suggested I started looking for a job. And that was it. I turned to go. What could I say? Now he doesn’t say hello to me when I see him on the street (we live in a small town). He also doesn’t say hello to my parents.
And he’s the kind of person who always says hi to everybody he knows. And he knew my family very well. So, I was left with no goodbye, not even an “I want to break up” – nothing. Just like it’s OK to just say nothing. And here I am, still guessing about what happened. It’s been 2 months and I can’t let it go, can’t stop obsessing over our unpredictable break-up. If only I knew why. But at the same time I realize that it doesn’t matter why. The person I was with didn’t even let me know he was leaving me, I had to figure it out myself. But for some reason I need that goodbye, that reason, so I can move on and learn something from this situation. I realize I should let go, because he obviously doesn’t love me, but I can’t. If anyone has been through that kind of rejection, please, share your thoughts with me.
Thank you for reading.
A TDL Reader