I’m richly enjoying time with a beautiful, grounded man who seems to want nothing so much as to create an experience of profound trust and shared pleasure with me. Walking through a room with him, I feel cherished, regal, light on my feet. Seeing his face, I’m moved to celebrate all of human life. Meeting his gaze, I take in a wash of splintering light, a world of sparkling assurance. Soft heat flows through his hands, rivers of his care illuminate my muscles and cells. I swear even my bones take on a soft glow. In his arms I often dream that my body is transparent, agile and fast like a hummingbird. I simply think of leaping ten stories or turning a dozen backflips, and it’s done. His versatility in lovemaking rivals only my own.
He knows how to raise chickens, children, and organic produce, run a household, build a house of found materials, teach permaculture and mushroom cultivation, create a landscaping-based water catchment system, speak with complete compassion in every situation, and take me on a transcendent ride out past the outer reaches of life-changing pleasure… for days on end.
He shows up when he says he’s going to, drives an hour each way to spend time together, picks me up every time we have plans. Pays for everything, doesn’t make a big deal about it. Brings groceries over and makes pancakes, grilled cheese, pizza, steak. Lets me feel safe & calm in frantic or uneasy times. Celebrates with me in strong radiant times. Sails right steady in rough seas. Isn’t afraid of anything.
I’d like him even better if he weren’t married. I never believed in dating a married man, but all bets are off since the definition of ‘married’ is so flexible in this case. It’s all in the open: They live separately, she with her boyfriend. She knows about me, I know about her. As far as I can tell, none of us harbors any illusions about what this all ‘means.’
I dearly want a mate of my own, a long-term best friend and favorite lover, so I occasionally think about being sad that he’s not available for that role in my life. But check it out: The way we relate provides an amazing demonstration for a lot of what I desire in a loving long-term partnership. And he wants to help me find that partnership, in part by providing a damn good example of how I should expect to be treated.
Some may object: You won’t be fully available to a potential mate until you clear your dance card. This guy is taking too many nights away from the time you should be dating someone who wants to build a future together. You might get too attached to someone who can never be your own.
These concerns have validity. From a conventional standpoint, I get it. And yet for me, for now, here’s what it comes to: Our exchange provides a powerful refreshment for my outlook, my respect for the male of the species, and my sense of myself in a loving relationship. It’s like having proof that it’s possible to be met and matched by my beloved in every regard. Every time we meet I notice demonstrations of honesty and courage in the vulnerable work of loving each other. I feel I’m being positively primed for the work & the delights of mated life. This is just a taste, and an inspiration for Something Even Better.
A TDL Reader