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Daily Share – I Don’t Like How My Brothers See Me

TDL_FB-iconI’ve been trying really hard to change my perception and lean in toward an attitude of love, acceptance, and mindfulness. My biggest difficulty is being true about my beliefs with my family.

I love my family. I am the oldest and only daughter of three and I feel so much love for my two younger brothers. Ever since my parents divorced when I was nine, I wanted to be there for my two brothers unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Tension arose as I pushed to be a mother figure toward them when I was just a child myself. My parents remarried and I am extremely blessed to say I love my step-parents. I am also extremely blessed to say I sought out the path of finding meaning in my spirituality and have continued to feel attached to it since high school. Now, in graduate school, I have found SO much meaning in my life being vulnerable, living in the now, and leaning in without certainty of a particular outcome.

BUT I have one road block that I feel I can’t cross. It’s not that my family doesn’t support me, it’s that they aren’t ready to go through their stuff yet. I think this is totally fine, in fact I can see myself in them before I decided to find what meant something to me. I think everyone finds their purpose in their own way, in their own time; it’s what I love about life. We are all unique. My problem is that nothing hurts more than not being accepted by my brothers. We used to have the sibling rivalry relationship, and I played my part in that, and I have tirelessly tried to break my role in that for over 5 years now. I try to be a cheerleader and support system to them, but at this time I have seen no growth in our relationship.

I’m being perceived as too positive and it really has hurt me. I feel embarrassed and unseen for who I feel I am. This journey to finding who I want to be has been an amazing one and I know that my road block with my brothers is an important part in that. I just wish it was easier. To all of you out there going through similar problems, I empathize with you.

A TDL Reader

  • gypsylocks

    Thank you for sharing. I too am the oldest and the only girl, though I have three younger brothers instead of two, all of whom I love incredibly! Our circumstances are a bit different, but I definitely feel that my family seems to see the worst in me and in that way, also seems to bring out the worst in me at times. I don’t see them often now because we live so far away and when we do I always hope it will be different but no matter how much I try, and want that, and love them, its always a struggle to get along. I’m well-liked at work and in life and it’s a point of frustration and sadness for me that my family doesn’t always seem to see the qualities in me that are there. Worst, I hate that I end up not liking myself when I’m around them. Just wanted to share and let you know you’re not alone! Very best to you :)

  • JustMe

    Your frustration, hurt and confusion comes through loud and clear. Although you don’t know me, will never know me just let me say this I HEAR YOU. I SEE YOU.
    Perhaps your problem isn’t truly that your family doesn’t see you…..it’s that even though you have come SO far, learned SO much, there is still one little step you have yet to take …..that step to know that if YOU see YOU, if YOU see YOU, you will be too full up with gratitude at what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve traveled. Your journey is just that…..yours and each of us finds our own path in our own way. As the saying goes if a man finds a rough diamond and not realizing its value tosses it away, is it any more less valuable? So SEE yourself. See your own value. Your family is on their own path and perhaps your ‘too positive’ attitude is at this point for them too frightening to comprehend because they are not where you are ……..seems to me they crucified a guy a few years back, guilty of that very thing!
    And as Mastin what said “what other people think of me…is really none of my business”
    All the best. Keep that light shining and refuse to be extinguished because of the fear of others.

  • Nnn

    These situations are tricky. One always feels obliged to respect family but also in my situation there are so many women in my family. Most are unmarried and seem to have some personal vendetta towards the younger generation. I am one of three sisters and in the middle both of my sisters need constant validation and it gets tiring. I have learnt that the best way is to live my life and not allow their actions to affect me.