Daily Share – I Feel Like I Have Lost Me!

December 26, 2012 by Anonymous TDL Reader 5 Comments

Hi, I have been broken up with my ex for five years now and am sad to say that I have never gotten over her. I’ve never really gotten over her and am stuck in a state as if we broke up a few months ago. I have tried to get back with her, but she never really committed and there was really nothing there. We have kids though so no communication at all is not possible. I really don’t know what to do, can you please help me? I’m tired of being sad, confused and just not myself anymore. My friends tell me I’m not the same person. I feel like I have lost me. Please help me find me.

A TDL Reader

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TDL Reader

I know exactly how this feels…you think you have it made, you’re loved up & comfortable with someone (it’s not perfect) but it’s safe & cushion-y then all of a sudden….it’s gone, your whole world gets turned upside down & it’s scary. I did that, I held on to what remained, stared for a long time at a closed door. Took me fricken aaaages to grieve. Then something changed for me. If you are strong enough to admit the above & aknowlegde it, you know you are sick & tired of feeling this way. When I felt like this, I forced myself to grow & search for a way out. We don’t stand still in the same place, we do 360′s. We might cone back to where we once were, but we have a different pair of eyes & by Jesus it’s amazing. If you are lucky enough to not be one of the cookie cutter ppl, who don’t feel much then see it as a blessing that you are growing to grow & come out amazed. It’s scary not knowing what is coming next but there are so many things & people you can always turn to to help you on your way…great books, great therapists, study courses, cooking, exercise what ever it is that is you. You’ve obviously needed to grieve but dont stay stuck my friend :-0. Too much to discover, & the pain you feel now slowly fades to enrich you. Don’t do anything that you’re not ready for, but it’s the baby steps that are gona get you there. I wish you much love & happiness in this life, may you grow experience some sort of metamorphosis through your experiences & come out the other end a happy, healthy human being. Blessings x x x x x
Soph

You feel you are lost because you have misunderstood what is true and real. Your belief that you are lost is giving you this feeling. It is only a belief that can be changed in a moment. When you believe that your happiness is dependent on someone else, you behave in a certain way. That belief makes your close relationships to go sour because you have unlimited expectations from the one you are dependent for your happiness. If that person is not fulfilling your expectations you become sad and angry.

All you need to do is to change that thought and believe that you can be happy on your own. When you are happy on your own, she will come back to you. You dont even have to ask her. It is your courage and independence that will make her come back. Your constant sadness and despair will push her further away.

When you want to reach a floating ball in the sea, if you swim towards it, it will go further away from you. If you stay calm and still, the waves will bring it back to you.

Be busy doing what you love.
- TDL
  
  I love your analogy of the floating ball in the sea!
Pamela

Sometimes feeling ‘lost’ actually means that you’re feeling “new’…it may be unfamiliar, but it can still be movement in a positive direction! Take yourself somewhere new and beautiful — a park, for example — and just sit with your feelings. Recognize each emotion….sadness? feeling of loss? frustration? and with each, take a deep breath and blow out. By releasing the breath, you are also helping release the emotion…and making way for something new.

A virtual hug is sent your way.
Maya2242

I just found my way out. I have been “in love” with my high school/ college bf for the last 13 yrs from afar. Never feeling I could find that love or feeling of acceptance and happiness again. It took getting hurt the 3rd time by him to realize that even though he said he felt the same way, his actions never matched! I have spent the last year grieving and coming to the realization that we aren’t the same people and it will never be the same as before. I don’t know what to say other than you have to be ready to let go. I have had a lot of therapy and wrote a lot of letters and finally I let go. I have felt like I can’t be my true self without him. But what I just realized (aha moment) was that I still really haven’t found me yet. I’m making 2013 the year of working on me! I’m sorry that you feel lost. I don’t know what would help you find you. I can tell you for me this year it will involve stillness, dedication to a yoga practice and bonding with my kids.