A little over a year ago, I suffered from a great heartbreaking loss. My boyfriend who told me he’d never leave my side, that I was the one, that I was “it” told me that he was done. What led up to this was anger at myself that was just ingrained in me from my upbringing and 28 years of living the life that I was living. After he broke up with me, I experienced a great deal of guilt and sadness… that I treated him so poorly, knowing he deserved so much more. I went through intense therapy, read TDL every day, among other therapeutic things that helped me get through my day to day… Then somehow, day by day and very slowly, I transformed into another person that I never knew could even exist. I became a person that loved love, wanted to take risks in love, had patience, forgave, communicated… all things that everyone around me was just shocked to see.
Then… it happened. Someone came into my life, it was like a gift from the Uni-verse, telling me that I’ve grown spiritually and emotionally… enough to where the Uni-verse said “Ok, you’ve learned your lesson… here’s your prize.” My relationship with this man flourished in ways I NEVER knew love could flourish. I loved and cared for him in ways I only thought was possible in the movies… a made up fairy tale. I told him all the time how crazy I was about him, how lucky we are, and I was on top of the world. Then a little over a week ago, he broke up with me. My world fell apart again, and things just spiraled out of control. Over the last week of reflection, I have realized that I was insecure in my relationship with him… because I loved him SO much, that I was honestly, totally and completely terrified of losing him. I had never felt the way I felt for him before and I never wanted to lose it. It made me insecure and I pushed him away… to a point where he said he wasn’t happy for the last month.
I know I deserve someone who will fight for me and the love I have to give. My heart is broken, and I’m trying so hard to move forward, look at this as another experience to grow in the way that I did one year ago. My heart and gut all told me that he was the one… that he was the person put on this earth for me. I don’t know how to cope with this… and I don’t know how to keep moving forward with a happy face on. I don’t know how to deal with the feeling that I’ve lost the love of my life.
A TDL Reader