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Daily Share – I Need Help To Regain My Sanity And Balance!

TDL_FB-iconI recently had to end my 27 year marriage. I feel overwhelmed many times throughout my day, but realize this is the healthiest decision I need to make for myself. My husband had many secrets due to an addictive personality and he became toxic thus his behavior towards me became emotionally abusive.

His lies, betrayal and porn addiction ruined my once happy marriage. His mental games have been the most damaging and I am finding it difficult trusting everyone around me. He has moved on with a new woman but tells me he still loves me but is not sorry for anything and justifies his behavior on is job pressures and life events. This makes no sense to me and I do not recognize any of this as love.

He tried individual counseling only to tell me that all this is due to an anxiety disorder and dissociation where he checks-out mentally. He has all of this but no longer feels he needs counseling or any other treatment now. He got a new job in a different state and has moved on with someone else and seems happy and I feel like a train wreck!

He left our business, so now I have to look for another job, which I have not had much luck with. He left me in a house that is going into foreclosure and I have no money. Our son just graduated high school and is still living at home with me. I also take care of my 90 year old father and my mother passed away in January. I need help to move forward and regain my sanity and balance. Thank you!

A TDL Reader

  • Kath222

    My dear one,
    Right now, you are in the midst of major life change. I am so glad you shared your situation here and reached out for advice and help during this challenging time. I know after 27 years how hard it must be for you to end your marriage, but it most certainly sounds like that is for the best. You are taking a stand for you and honoring your feelings and needs. I commend you for honoring, loving and respecting yourself by taking this action.

    I would first recommend that you make connections with supportive people who can assist you during this time. Divorce support groups. A trusted counselor. A coach, a therapist, a healer. A financial adviser. People who can support you in your journey and provide guidance and advice as you move forward in your life. You need not go it alone.

    Your emotionally abusive marriage has taken its toll. You say ‘I am finding it difficult trusting everyone around me’ and this breaks my heart. Please know that there are wonderful, trustworthy, kind loving people in this world and that it is safe to trust. You may not have learned this in your relationship with your husband, but that does not mean it is not true. You just need to find the appropriate people in whom to place your trust.

    Please allow others to help you during this time. Reach out, as you feel is appropriate. I also want you to maintain a hopeful outlook. Just take it one day at a time right now. Things are changing for the better! All my best to you.

    • Helena

      I’m sorry for the difficulty you are experiencing. As a woman who has lived this very thing i would like to offer your hope. I was married for 35 years to a man who was addicted to everything but me. I regained my trust by attending Alanon. I learned that while I began not being able to trust anyone, I could trust my God and He put trustworthy people in my path. No matter what came, there was always an answer, a person to listen, help and offer sound advice. Look at this as a way of a new beginning, let go of your husband with love, pray for him and you will find peace. Bless you, Helena

  • happy and peaceful

    This sounds like my current situation. My father lives with my family and my husband left my family for another woman and her family. I was with my husband almost 20 years of my adulthood. He has an addiction to porn and a sexual addiction to other women as well. He cheated on me the entire relationship/marriage. He blames it on the trials and tribulations of our marriage and the lack of sex. We had plenty of sex up to last year when I find out about this last relationship. He admitted to having unprotected sex our entire marriage. I have been through a lot over the past 6 years. I lost my mom to Colon Cancer in 2010 and my dad has Kennedy’s Disease a debilitating muscular disease. I care for him as well. I am 37 years old and have 3 children ranging from ages 14 to 2 1/2. I had enough emotional and verbal abuse March 10, 2014 when I found a wedding announcement for him and the new woman in his life. I decided it was time to love myself enough and move on. I’m broke, on public assistance and my father is helping with some of the financial expenses in our household. I have been awakened these past few months with my spirituality and my connection to God. I am not going into another relationship until my divorce is final and I truly love myself. I told you all this to tell you I see a light at the end of my tunnel. I also know that this is a temporary situation and my family and I will survive and come out strong. I love myself too much to ever let this happen again. You are going to be fine. Keep self soul searching and you will find peace.

  • happy and peaceful

    Every experience in life is a learning experience. I fell off my path, but I will find my way again and you will too. Love and blessings.