Daily Share: I Want To Quit Living A Double Life - Daily Love with Mastin Kipp

Daily Share: I Want To Quit Living A Double Life

Hi Mastin & TDL community,

I just watched the ‘Coming Home’ vlog and my eyes started to water unexpectedly because it resonated so much.

i am totally scared to be full-out me in case people withdraw their tolerance/love/understanding and/or criticize me and try to change me. i seem to have a highly attuned sense of being able to figure out other people’s expectations/perceptions of ‘normal’ and either try to fit with them so that they feel comfortable around me, or i get kinda defensive about being judged and don’t want to really engage with others which is isolating.

I have been lucky enough to embrace my creativity, spirituality and desires so i have them in my life, but i am very reticent to share them with others who i’m unsure will be on my wavelength. Whilst my parents have been awesome at bringing me up with strong values & with material comfort, i feel uneasy sharing my crazy self with them as they are more conservative and have their own ideas about what’s correct. so i do dim my light with certain folk for fear of not being accepted for who i am? It’s like being a divided person and only showing certain parts to certain people. It’s exhausting having to be vigilant and try to second-guess who will respond positively to certain aspects of me. It’s almost like living a double-life where with certain folk i have to suppress myself, and then in other situations (dance class, inner growth sites such as TDL) i can just let go.

i suppose the biggest fear is never ‘finding’ my pack, so if i really go for it & am completely authentic all the time, will there be anyone who will resonate with me? and will the people who have been the closest to me so far in life (my family and friends-since-school) not love me for who i really am? Oh, and just had a light-bulb moment: will the ‘gate keepers’ (employers, financers etc) welcome me with open arms if i’m not who i think they want me to be????
Sorry, i know this isn’t leading anywhere and i don’t really have any answers, I just know your video touched a nerve and i really want to show up authentically more of the time. Maybe my challenge for the next month is to up my authenticity stakes by 1% each day and learn to not shut down if people react less favourably. Hopefully the people who resonate well with me will stick around, and the ones who feel threatened or critical will find their own people who resonate better with them rather than try to change me.

Thanks Mastin, love you!

TDL Reader…..

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