I have a problem. I am a quitter. I would never openly admit that to anyone because I’ve spent the past twenty-two years of my life convincing others, myself included, that I’m just really awesome at starting things….annnndd then delegating it off to other people or moving on to something EVEN BETTER. But what’s really happening is I’m not finishing what I’ve started.
I have a story inside of me that needs to be shared. I have a book I need to write. I have a recipe I need to cook. I have a speech I need to say, a picture I need to draw, a play I need to star in, a non-profit I need to found….I have ALL THIS LOVE AND POSITIVE ENERGY INSIDE OF ME THAT IT’S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO CONTAIN MYSELF!!! OH MY GOSH, CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE?!
Yeah, well sadly that all goes to hell the moment I try to sit down and act upon it. Let me paint a picture for you: I’m obsessed with Word documents. For every brilliant idea I have, be it a song, an organization/non profit, a billion dollar idea, I map it out on a Word document. Depending on how good the idea is, I’ll save it. I have thousands of Word documents saved. But there’s one thing wrong: they’re unfinished. I started a novel, never finished it. Wrote a song, it’s missing the chorus. Came up with an idea, but didn’t decide on the first step.
Now what I’m trying to figure out is if this is a bad case of ADHD, or fear of becoming the person I’ve always dreamed of being. I’ve read A Return to Love and enough self-help books to know that this is probably just a bad case of fear. And I’m not sure exactly what I’m afraid of but it probably has something to do with the fear of not having enough time to do it all, fear of the responsibilities and consequences and attention that come with these ideas, and fear of it not being as good as I had hoped it would be.
This is what it feels like: I’m one giant funnel. The wide part is located at the top of my head and I feel all this love and inspiration and energy coming in from the Uni-verse….but by the time I go to act upon it, I’m reminded I’m only human and it’s all bottlenecked and I lose the motivation to do anything about it.
Dear Daily Lovers, what small step can I take to break this bad habit? I’m a quitter. A really creative quitter. In fact, I may just be addicted to quitting. How can I break the cycle?
A TDL Reader