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Daily Share – I’m So Imperfect!

TDL_FB-iconI don’t know what’s wrong with me!

That insatiable need which is never satisfied…

I came to the conclusion that among all adjectives, the one that suits me best is imperfect! I am so imperfect! Not perfect at all! But aren’t we all?! I once read somewhere that being human makes us imperfect by default! I agree, yet I look around and everybody else appears to have some kind of perfection in them. Me, however, I’m a total mess! How did I turn out to be so messed up?!

If you look at me from a distance, you would probably see a perfect life. From your view, you will see a “successful” young woman; whose education goes beyond post graduate, with a decent job as an educator, loved by her students, well-liked by her coworkers, lucky enough to have true friends, loved by her extended family, favorite cousin and niece. Adored by her parents and brothers, needless to say by her two daughters. And her husband, it seems at least from a distance that he loves her dearly. She owns a nice house and drives a nice car. Her in-laws accept and embrace her into their circle. You see… her life is by all means “perfect” or as perfect as humans could reach.

But if you cut her open so you can see her soul, you will find the contrary of your perception of her. Inside lies a crying soul, an unsatisfied heart, a hopeless spirit. Despite her achievements, she feels like a failure. Despite her good looks, she sees herself as the ugly duckling. Despite so many people in her life, she feels lonely, unloved, unwanted and worthless. And she asks herself, why are the two views so different? What happened that made her world split up like that? At what age did her self-esteem crumble? What caused her to lose herself so much?

Six years ago, she saw a small light which she thought would make her reclaim her lost self. It turned out it stripped her even more and left her soul forever wounded. She tries to find answers to the many questions posed about life, Uni-verse and all… looking for help to alleviate her pain; trying all the new age stuff to help her gain a sense of purpose, a sense of life. In hope the Uni-verse will teach her to live instead of survive!

A TDL Reader

  • MeredithShay

    I know that nagging feeling, friend. I’m not sure it ever goes away. I don’t know if it’s meant to go away because we never really arrive at our destination until death…maybe someone else will have the advice we are looking for? One thing that I have noticed (just this past week) is that I didn’t have a list of my core values. I knew in my head things that were important to me but I hadn’t done the work to actually figure it out and get super clear. I am still working on that list, but it seems like that will help when I feel that feeling of wondering if I am going on the right “path.” Courage, authenticity, empathy/thoughtfulness, and creativity/humor are my core values. I just used this workbook from Dawn Barclay’s website. There are a lot of others out there that help you find your core values though.

    I hope through the advice of everyone on here you find some clarity or “aha” moments for your life. I think a lot of people know the feeling you so bravely shared you are going through on here. Thanks for telling your story!

    with love,
    Meredith

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Meredith! -TDL Team

  • Lynne Leahy

    How do you define spirituality?
    I think spirituality is loving kindness, compassion toward yourself and all living things.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for your insights Lynne! -TDL Team

  • Madison Abraham

    I can empathize with you, and it’s really hard to struggle with your self esteem and self worth. For a long time, I believed the negative thoughts in my head that I was ugly, stupid, not good enough— I always felt like there was something really wrong with me. In recent years I’ve learned that those thoughts in my head are simply limiting beliefs that I have constructed about who I am and what I deserve.

    The thing is that change is a choice, it’s not random. You truly have to commit to the person you want to be. It doesn’t matter how pretty, intelligent, big-hearted, loving, and special you are— if you don’t believe it, it DOESN’T MATTER. Sit down and commit to loving yourself, accepting yourself, and owning your beauty. Tell yourself a different story. Look in the mirror and practice saying: ‘I’m beautiful. I’m worthy. I’m whole, exactly as I am.” Make a list of every awesome quality you possess (if this is hard, think about what others would say about you), and read it every day. We are all so inwardly convinced in our unworthiness— that somehow we’re broken and weird and unworthy.

    You can become on the inside what others see on the outside. You can live a life filled with love, happiness, respect, and abundance— you just have to practice loving yourself. I’ve found that learning to love yourself— learning to change and grow— is the same thing as learning to play the guitar (or anything difficult)— when you first start doing it, it’s so unnatural and you struggle to learn the chords and figure it out. It’s so discouraging. You practice and practice, and at first it seems fruitless— but after a while it gets easier. And then more easier. And all of sudden holding that guitar is the most natural thing in the world, and you could play it in your sleep. Keep on trying to love and accept yourself. After a (long) while, you will have arrived. Trust me, you will get there. You are enough.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for the support and encouragement, Madison! -TDL Team

  • kay

    Gratefulness is the key. We move forward by being grateful each day for being alive.

    • The Daily Love

      Thanks for this! -TDL Team

  • A. Kelly

    I totally understand. I used to feel very similar. No one could see what was really going on and that was so lonley. What helped me was psychotherapy. I didn’t have much money, so I started by seeing a student. It’s a nice idea to try to change your thinking, but if the roots of the tree are what needs nourishing, thought alone won’t bring you deep change. It sounds to me you need some deep healing. I sometimes still feel lost – I thnk as we evolve there’s always something new to look at! Best wishes!

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for your insights! -TDL Team

  • Anna

    I agree with A. Kelly, you need to have someone who can hear YOU. That is what you can get from therapy, and once you realize that YOU matter, it will help you get in touch with the you, you have forgotten. It will help you be yourself despite being a mother whose job by titile can become listening and helping everyone else. I would be surprised if anyone who is a mom does not go through these feelings, you are to be congratulated for recognizing it instead of burrying your feelings. It’s your turn to matter.

    • The Daily Love

      Thank you for your support, Anna! -TDL Team

  • An Bourmanne

    I can so relate to what you’re going through – and you’re definitely not the only one! Only, we don’t talk about it the way you so genuinely and authentically did here. Instead we walk around with a *pretend happy* smile on the outside, even though we feel like crying inside.

    And that reinforces our belief that there must be something wrong with us – after all, everyone else seems so happy, confident and in control.

    But of course they make mistakes, say the wrong thing and screw up too. Of course they feel worried and afraid and confused too. They just don’t talk about how they truly feel, while we are constantly living in our own head amidst the worry, fear and confusion, comparing their outsides with our inside – so no wonder we feel as if we’re the only ones struggling.

    Now the fascinating thing is that *forcing* ourselves to see ourselves with more acceptance and love in my experience often doesn’t work (quite the contrary, actually, because those upbeat positive mantras always seem to get tackled by that sharp voice pointing out how phony we are, lying to ourselves and pretending to be ok while we so obviously are not – fascinating, right?).

    I’ve found that letting go of that *forced pursuit of happy* feels so much more loving and liberating – accepting us where we are, being honest with ourselves and giving ourselves the room and space to feel exactly the way we feel. “I feel like crying inside and I am willing to accept and love myself with all the crying inside. I’m willing to love and accept myself right where I am, right now. Actually, this is what it means to love and accept myself – I’m doing it right now.” – how different does that feel?

    And once we’re in that place of acceptance – right where we are – we can have an honest look at our beliefs and shift our perspective just the teeniest tiniest bit towards a more self-loving view. “I’m in the process of figuring it all out. And that takes time. And I’m willing to give myself that time. There’s no hurry. I know that my past doesn’t determine my future. I’m in the process of shifting the way I look at myself one tiny step at a time – and that’s how I’m changing my future. Slowly but steady. One tiny step at a time.” – how different does that feel?

    Hope this is helpful!

    Sending you lots of love,
    An