That insatiable need which is never satisfied…
I came to the conclusion that among all adjectives, the one that suits me best is imperfect! I am so imperfect! Not perfect at all! But aren’t we all?! I once read somewhere that being human makes us imperfect by default! I agree, yet I look around and everybody else appears to have some kind of perfection in them. Me, however, I’m a total mess! How did I turn out to be so messed up?!
If you look at me from a distance, you would probably see a perfect life. From your view, you will see a “successful” young woman; whose education goes beyond post graduate, with a decent job as an educator, loved by her students, well-liked by her coworkers, lucky enough to have true friends, loved by her extended family, favorite cousin and niece. Adored by her parents and brothers, needless to say by her two daughters. And her husband, it seems at least from a distance that he loves her dearly. She owns a nice house and drives a nice car. Her in-laws accept and embrace her into their circle. You see… her life is by all means “perfect” or as perfect as humans could reach.
But if you cut her open so you can see her soul, you will find the contrary of your perception of her. Inside lies a crying soul, an unsatisfied heart, a hopeless spirit. Despite her achievements, she feels like a failure. Despite her good looks, she sees herself as the ugly duckling. Despite so many people in her life, she feels lonely, unloved, unwanted and worthless. And she asks herself, why are the two views so different? What happened that made her world split up like that? At what age did her self-esteem crumble? What caused her to lose herself so much?
Six years ago, she saw a small light which she thought would make her reclaim her lost self. It turned out it stripped her even more and left her soul forever wounded. She tries to find answers to the many questions posed about life, Uni-verse and all… looking for help to alleviate her pain; trying all the new age stuff to help her gain a sense of purpose, a sense of life. In hope the Uni-verse will teach her to live instead of survive!
A TDL Reader