I have had a difficult marriage due to the interference of my in-laws. I persevered in the marriage when actually I should have left a long time ago. I wish I had at times but I did not have the courage. Also, I knew that my husband was not a bad person – he just has no decent role model. My husband realizes now that he did not treat me very well and is trying his best to be a better husband. It helps also that we are now living 100 miles away from his family. I am no longer talking to his family at all. I still carry resentment and hurt about how I have been treated by them and I am very confused.
You see, now that things are looking up I keep getting presented with opportunities from really nice men who want to be with me. A part of me thinks why shouldn’t I put myself first. Why shouldn’t I be selfish and indulge in an extramarital affair? Why should I leave my marriage and upset my children when I could just enjoy the company of a man that adores me for some time?
All this time my husband – the man who vowed to love, honor and protect me – actually did none of that and listened to his own family instead who were influencing me incorrectly. He is working hard to regain my trust but is it just too late. Will I be able to forgive him? Am I angry at him or am I angry at myself for being such a coward? I was always taught that you have to make a marriage work. I am actually quite exhausted from making this marriage work but I don’t want to bring up my children alone. I do not have the strength or the life skills. I am so disillusioned and disappointed with life. I really do not see the point of why we are here. I talk to others and it’s like everyone is trapped.
I am lucky in so many ways, I have a supportive loving family, beautiful children, work… is it wrong to think of yourself for once? I have spent my life trying to be the dutiful daughter, then the dutiful wife and have felt guilty and scared when I have tried to break free and live life independently. I am not sure what it is that I want. And what is right for me anymore. Please help!
A TDL Reader