Daily Share – I’ve Passed Unworthy Of Respect To My Daughters!

January 23, 2013 by Anonymous TDL Reader 4 Comments

Mastin’s recent message that said, “People will treat you how you teach them to treat you” really hit home for me as I have been struggling in that area of my life. I lived my life for so many years feeling unworthy of respect that I did not realize I may have passed it on to my daughters. My mouth would proclaim to be a strong woman but my actions revealed my victim mentality. The other day my 10- year-old daughter called me in tears because she and her BFF got into a fight and the BFF hit her. This is not the first time it has happened. I was livid for two reasons: the first that my child had been hit and I was not there to protect her, and second because it reminded me of all my “stuff” that began to surface. I now know that learning this key factor and making it a functional part of my life is key to helping not only myself but my girls as well! Thanks Mastin

A TDL Reader

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C.J.

The beautiful thing about this is that you are seeing it, acknowledging it ready to make the necessary changes. Hopefully, your daughter will meet this situation with resilience and not allow it to jade her. Disrespect is surely a character disturbance; however, it’s not something to teach others but she can gain self-respect by not putting up with someone else’s bad behavior. Also, it’s important to understand her friend enough to move on but this girl has no place in her life and having compassion for her doesn’t mean she has to continue to be friends with her. The most important element is to teach her not to make up stories and excuses for the bad behavior of others. It’s possible her friend has a story but your daughter’s story is important as well. It’s not up to her to save her friend, feel sorry for her friend to the point of excusing the behavior. No one has the right to abuse anyone in any way for any reason .
Lyssa

Yes, I’m going to go out on a limb and say you are WORTHY of respect. I grew up with a mom who did not teach others how to respect her. How you be in the world is the biggest legacy to give to your girls. Please take this time to be kind to yourself and let yourself be guided in how to respect yourself. Even just a small energetic change can have profound effects when it is towards self-love or self-respect. You now have the opportunity to be more of a role model to your daughters about respect b/c you are going to model the journey. Here’s a thought: let them support you in this. Sit them down and explain to them that you are going on a journey to bring out your true core respect. They will want nothing more than for you to succeed and may have some wonderful insights to help you on your journey. AND I promise you this: they will be just as inspired by you as you are by them. CHildren always know when a parent is struggling and I feel that if they know you want to build a respectful self, they will help you out. As long as you don’t look for your self-worth in their affirmation, and instead build it internally (with help from TDL), you’ll do just fine. You can do it! I believe in you!
Caroldekkers

Wow! I did a similar thing – I had a 24 year marriage to a narcissist who HAD to be right all the time (I recall his mantra “you are wrong, your perception is wrong, I never said/did that, I’ll bring in witnesses to prove it!”) – after a father who did the same, and now I live with the fact that my grown children (a boy and a girl) have a dysfunctional relationship model in their heads. They think that it is okay for a male to verbally abuse and condescend to a female – and are having relationship problems because their intuition (what they know to be true) conflicts with their history (me taking the crap from their father.) You cannot change history – all you can do is to move forward and pray that your children trust their own intuition! Be well!
Susana

You are right! You can pass down the feelings of unworthiness to your daughter. That said, reading your post I noticed two things. The first one, is that you are a great mom who loves her daughter and tries to protect her. The second one, is that you are aware of the danger of you misbeliefs! THAT IS GREAT! you know deep down that you are worth it! you just have a belief that is not reflecting what you know. “The truth will set you free” by admitting you have a misbelief you are taking the first step towards changing it. So go ahead, work on it. Try meditation, tapping, journaling, etc. You will get there.
No one is perfect, we all have things we want to change. The best thing you can teach your daughter is to be a woman strong enough to admit when something is not good for her, brave enough to change it and wise enough to accept and love herself completely. That is something that will empower them forever. Don’t be afraid, You are worth it!