So I come from an unhealthy family where addiction, vagueness, and avoidance are the rule. Last year was the beginning of the dismantling process of breaking down the old family structures so I could learn about how to live outside of the old and instead according to what wants to be expressed, shared, and connected upon within myself. Lately my process has been about looking at my shadow, the aspects of myself I rejected in order to protect myself and feel safe when I was younger. This rejection has not only limited the way in which I live and experience my life, but also has limited and rejected how others can be around me. Funny how that works!
It’s been painful to look at the parts of me that are fearful, protective, withholding, jealous, controlling, manipulative, you name it. It’s been hard (read ego-shattering) but simultaneously rewarding because it’s giving me permission to be a more E X P A N S I V E me. I feel like these protective layers have filtered who I really am and misconstrued most of my communication. I’ve learned what happens when I listen to fear (ego). It results in interactions that are defensiveness and often escalates. I’ve also become aware of what I’m really feeling inside, which is a lot softer and more vulnerable and based more on my needs – which I never allowed myself to have until more recent times.
So I was wondering if others are going or have already gone through the dismantling of their ego and if there is anything they could recommend to ease the process.
Opening to new ways of being,
A TDL Reader