Daily Share – Looking At My Shadow!

So I come from an unhealthy family where addiction, vagueness, and avoidance are the rule. Last year was the beginning of the dismantling process of breaking down the old family structures so I could learn about how to live outside of the old and instead according to what wants to be expressed, shared, and connected upon within myself. Lately my process has been about looking at my shadow, the aspects of myself I rejected in order to protect myself and feel safe when I was younger. This rejection has not only limited the way in which I live and experience my life, but also has limited and rejected how others can be around me. Funny how that works!

It’s been painful to look at the parts of me that are fearful, protective, withholding, jealous, controlling, manipulative, you name it. It’s been hard (read ego-shattering) but simultaneously rewarding because it’s giving me permission to be a more E X P A N S I V E me. I feel like these protective layers have filtered who I really am and misconstrued most of my communication. I’ve learned what happens when I listen to fear (ego). It results in interactions that are defensiveness and often escalates. I’ve also become aware of what I’m really feeling inside, which is a lot softer and more vulnerable and based more on my needs – which I never allowed myself to have until more recent times.

So I was wondering if others are going or have already gone through the dismantling of their ego and if there is anything they could recommend to ease the process.

Opening to new ways of being,

A TDL Reader

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Guest

Take it easy, go with the flow and keep coming on here to read eye opening blogs. Going with the flow sounds easy, but it’s not! But what’s easy, is never worth having anyway.
Lisa

To remember that it’s a process and that the ego will try to revert back to old behavior again and again because it is a comfortable space to be in (you’ve been experiencing your life in this manner for many years) and the ego doesn’t want to be cast aside, it wants to be in charge. The ego is very tricky and a master of manipulation and will try to convince you you’re still on your healthier path, but in some way it won’t feel right to your “true self”. Don’t beat yourself up when this happens, just recognize the patterns and how you feel, that way you’ll learn to see it faster for the next time. I have found that it is a constant peeling back of layers that continuously go deeper, but with every setback, that is where the growth and learning is. I always thought that I could do the work and be done for the rest of my life, and then would get upset when I felt like I was always right back in the same space. But after having reflection of where I started and where I am now, there has been tremendous growth. And now I know things will always come up and I try to recognize them and get the lesson and continue on.
Also, this is so cliche and I didn’t get it for years, but, If you can begin to just accept people for who they are it can take a tremendous amount of stress and needless struggle off of you. To realize that people are reacting, acting, interacting from THEIR perspective and from whatever is going on within themselves, their patterns, their pain, their projections, their beliefs, etc. Then when someone or a situation triggers you, you realize it’s not them, it’s something inside yourself that still needs to be addressed. When you get to a place where you feel compassion towards someone who has challenged you, you’ll know your on the right track. In difficult situations when I start feeling things come up and my thoughts start reverting back to old thought patterns, I ask “What would love do?” The answer will never steer you wrong. Best to you!!!
Fancifuleventplanning

I can relate to what you are going through in your efforts to change old habits and behaviors that have held you back from the love and relationships that you say that you want. I come from an unhealthy place and as an only child I learned very quickly how to suppress my feelings and emotions in efforts to avoid pain. Among many other things, it made me mean, judgmental, stand-offish, manipulative, controlling, etc. Ive pushed people away, tested their loyalty and limits based off of my own limited thinking and feeling. I could go on about this for days but I wont, LOL! Just know that everyday is a new day to be a better you. We are all a work in progress and NO ONE IS PERFECT! Its going to be hard but as long as you are committed to becoming a better person, you WILL succeed!
Friend

I am so grateful that I clicked on this daily share. I know
exactly how you feel and what you are going through. I have great respect for
you and the process you’re going through. I have my own thoughts that I would
like to share.

Your ego is not a manipulative and controlling entity that
harbors some type of nefarious plot to control you and keep you from your true
self. Many well meaning people will inadvertently make you feel shame for expressing
emotions like jealousy or fear. ‘Dismantling your ego’ is a phrase that I’m not
sure best describes the process. Your soul is made of the darkness and light. You
are a constant balancing act. Your ‘ego’ and all those emotions people tend to
group together under that term is simply a way your soul speaks to you and shows
you what is imbalanced in your life.

Feeling jealous? Then I would simply start by asking why. Then
go through the steps into the dark side of your heart where fear exists only
where you’ve been hurt before. You seem to have been through this process and
understand it. The difference is now, instead of expecting ego to be dismantled
and weakened, you need to accept that those emotions are here to guide you. We
are taught that the darkness we ALL feel is not healthy and must be removed
from consciousness. But those emotions are our signposts. They are our Vegas
style neon lights that shout ‘Yo, you still have pain that needs to be healed
and you’ll find it HERE, right under that emotion of insecurity!!’ They become
unhealthy only if we never acknowledge them or try to remove them without
realizing why they are there.

I would begin to love those emotions, all of them. Thank
yourself for producing a way that allows you to know where to look inside
yourself so you can begin to heal. A conversation has begun between you and
yourself. Listen without judgement.
Thank-you for letting me share my thoughts.
- Ceemcee06
  
  Very true, in my opinion, that we must face our demons head on. Never ignore them or cast them aside as if they mean nothing. Pain is an integral part of everyone’s childhood. It is no wonder some say, Childhood is every human being’s hell. For some of us it lasts an entire lifetime. Why? Because we don’t grow from it. Emotions and thoughts of past experiences are NOT real. They linger in our memory bank because our Ego wants to keeps us chained. Suffering is Ego’s only weapon over human beings. If we were to collectively stop suffering, all at the same time, we would see the world as we know it basically end.
  
  Religions have skirted this theme in a variety of ways. They have said that there is an ongoing battle between good and evil, for example. And they are right. And wrong. They almost got it… But they preferred to bring an evil being into the theme to fight the divine good being they call God. They caracterized Jesus as God’s only son who was a victim of evil but overcame it because he died to save all souls, and as a reward he beat death. Well, all these are reasonable assumptions were it not for the possibility that God had nothing to do with any of it. That Good and Evil exist as a balancing act to provide all of us the grounds on which we exercise free will and through which we grow away from the physical toward the spiritual beings we are first and foremost.
  
  Entertain the possibility that WE as a whole are as much a part of God, as the Intelligence behind all creation. No one individually is God. Only as a Whole. And that it is this separation that has kept us chained to this physical realm. Only when we become aware, all at the same time, that we are all ONE = GOD, will we transcend the physical existence in favor of the only reality which is our communion with the Intelligence that created all there is.
  
  There is a shift in place, and humans are under immense pressure to follow it. Because we are set in our ways, so to speak, we ust endure immense suffering to turn to the shift. It is no longer enough that this suffering is man made. Mother Nature must and will take measures to accelerate the process by which we will get to a point of no return. The point where we will be looking at the skies and praying “God help us all!!!” IT is then that we will find common ground. That we will see each other as equals. That we won’t mock or judge each other anymore. It won’t matter if you are black or white, straight or gay, young or old, fat or thin, pretty or ugly, rich or poor. It won’t matter if you can read and write, or if you have never been to a school. If you have a thousand shoes, or none at all. It will matter, though, that those who are now less fortunate will be a position to help the many who have had it all, and cannot survive with less. We will learn from our brothers and sisters who walk miles to get to drinkable water, how to survive without the abundance of water we are used to now, and which we waste everyday.
  
  These will be scary decades. They will also be necessary. Don’t get too attached to your electronic gadgets for they will be merely useless plastic in a couple of decades. Instead, go back to looking at people, talking to people, listening to people. Spend some quality time with your kids and grandkids by a bonfire, telling stories or reading stories. Buy books. not the nook. Learn to start a fire. Teach them to start a fire. Be mindful ad respectful of the less fortunate of your fellow human beings, for they might be the parents or grandparents of those who will save the lives of your children or grandchildren.
  
  God Bless.