Daily Share – Lost My Sense Of Purpose!

February 27, 2013 by Anonymous TDL Reader 8 Comments

I thought my purpose was to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend until I read your blog about purpose. I feel as if I am lost in all the daily duties of life. I feel like I lost my sense of purpose over fifteen years ago. I struggle with being a good mom and I feel as though I am and have failed at it. I have a troubled son who I think has mental issues but don’t know how to deal with it. I have twins graduating from high school in May and I feel like they have been cheated because my older son has been in and out of trouble this last year or so. All of our time, money and focus are being net on him instead of making this the best time of their lives. I want to show all of my children the love they deserve but I am finding it more and more difficult. In one word, LOST!

A TDL Reader

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http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000392107784 Anita Richards

I have no idea what to say but just want to send you my love and support. You’re a great Mom and you will find a way through it all ~ Mom’s always do.
With much love, light and brightest blessings.
http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/ Sarah Noel

I can feel your loss. Literally, it’s like I feel lost FOR you.
I don’t have kids, so I don’t know EXACTLY how you’re feeling, but I can understand how you’re feeling at a loss right now. It sounds like you’ve lost yourself. You need to get back to you. Get back in tune with your inner Spirit. It’ll guide you.
Do you meditate? Or do anything JUST for you? Yoga? Walk? If not, you REALLY need to start. Whatever speaks to you. Whatever helps get you grounded and eases your mind. It could be a walk in nature (always helps me), some form of exercise like yoga, or silent meditation (just make sure you’re not going to be interrupted for at least 20 minutes). I think if you start doing something for you every single day… or at LEAST every other day… gradually you’ll get yourself back and you won’t feel as lost. You’ll find your path. Your direction. You’ll know what to do. Then the trick is DOING it. Respecting yourself enough to DO what you know you need to do.

All my best to you! You WILL get through this and before you know it, even this time of your life will be past. So on that note, try to enjoy today too. Even the trying times. They’re here for a reason. Find something beautiful and happy every day. It’s there.

Sarah
http://beyouliveyourdream.blogspot.com/2013/02/just-stop-and-enjoy-view.html
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1051124767 Lisa Courtney

Girlfriend, giving you a big cyber hug.

Being a mom is the hardest job one will ever love. You are doing it. You are showing up everyday and you are there for your kids. Give yourself a pat on the back, for standing with your family during these trying times. Find time to love yourself first. Wrap yourself in pink or green, the colors of the heart chakra.

And always remember to breathe. Breathe in life, breathe out the sadness. Breathe in love, breathe out the darkness. I agree with Sarah. Yoga, nature, sunshine.

You are a ray of light in your children’s lives. You matter. You make a difference.

Warmly,
Lisa
Jacqueline Broadus

Yes Girlfriend, trust me you will find your way, because that’s your make up. I figured out a long time ago, it’s like a house, the foundation must be in order (strong, feel good, supportive, love self, confident ) in order to support what’s on top. So as Lisa and Sarah have pointed out, you owe it to yourself and your family to give love to you first. Please, don’t feel gulity about anything you do for you. Look at it this way, you are doing it so you can be your best self to your family and those who need you.
Take time for you.. just an hour and some days two. I promise you you will be able to think clearly, give everyone their time and most of all your best self.
Your are the BEST!
In girlfriend love,
J
LennaFiguly

During the times of my life when I thought I was
failing those I love, I wanted to explain why I thought I was failing. However,
I could not bring myself to start the conversation for fear of my message being
lost in the questions and answers that would lead away from the main point and
rarely return to it. It had happened too many times before and I had no reason
to believe trying again would result in a different outcome. Consequently, I
struggled to find a way to deliver my message without interruptions and/or spontaneous
reactions.

The
method I came up with was to write down everything I wanted to say, give the
letter to the person(s) I wanted to talk with, and then ask the person(s) to
read my letter and meet me at a designated place for a full discussion of what
I had written. I was amazed at how well it worked. It gave the recipient(s) of
my letter an opportunity to think about what I had written to develop questions
to ask, and to initially react in private. By the time we met for discussion, everyone
involved was informed and had determined how they would like to act during the
meeting we had set up.

Trust
your twins to get to know you as a whole person and not just as the person in
the role of mother. Express how you wanted their senior year to progress and
the ways you wanted to celebrate their achievements and how you feel given the
current circumstances. Give them the opportunity to understand your feelings of
failure. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that they do not see their
daily family life as one of deprivation due to the needs of their brother and
you may be surprised to learn that they do not see you as having failed.
Perhaps they see your struggle and do not know how to approach you about
helping.

Regardless,
give your children a chance to learn about your dreams and desires. Give
yourself a chance to learn about their dreams and desires. Allow yourself to
express your feelings from your loving heart and leave your negative personal
judgments at home in a box to throw out in the trash later.

John
Lennon wrote, “Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans.” How
very true (smile). Remember that we make plans based upon current
circumstances. When circumstances change, we have not failed to meet our plans
we simply need to make new plans based upon the changed circumstances.

Please
know that you are not alone. No one else knows exactly how you feel, but we
have all been to similar places. I respect the courage you are expressing by
working to journey away from the path you do not want to take in an effort to
find the path you do want to take.

Consider
yourself loved and hugged; save the extra virtual love and hugs for a time when
you need them the most.

Blessed Be,
Lenna
Hesslerkaren

I feel like I could have written your post myself. I have been dealing with all the same issues, spiritually, feeling lost, and having trouble with my son. My son is only 7 years old and is very mildy autistic. He is in a normal school but because there is no place for him in the educational system he is made to be considered a “bad kid”. All my energy for the past 5 years since his diagnoses has been put into getting him better, therapies, doctors, and every inch of my being grabbing at every treatment I could find hoping that one day he would be ok.

My son gets bad reports back from school on almost a daily basis because he is expected to follow all the same rules as the other kids. He rides a bus alone, he is not aloud to wait in lines with the other kids and since he is very high functioning he understands that he is different but does not understand why. I find myself spending all my time trying to figure out ways to make him understand things that are not natural to him.

I am a wife, a stay at home mom and I feel lost because the way I am living doesn’t feel natural to me. When you have a child that has problems and your husband and other kids have to be second to those problems that’s when the lost feeling begins. Loving your child is a good natural feeling, its comfortable but when we only see and deal with the problems we miss the beautiful soul behind that childs eyes and sometimes forget about all the blessings we have.

I don’t know much about you but I do know how you feel and also what you are missing. Your missing, the “big picture”. I have just recently started to understand why I have had so much more to deal with than others may have. Its because I am strong enough to get through it when others may have just given up. I know that no one in the world could love or give more to my son and family than I can. I use the word “lost” because I don’t know how to fix things or make them perfect but I do know that my “lost” feeling comes from love. That my love for my son and my family keeps them feeling safe. They all know that I love them so much that I will protect them, be there for them, and even feel “lost” for them and not every women and mother can do that. Most give up and try to find themselves outside their family.

Just the fact that you wrote this post says you are a loving, wonderful women who is capable of unconditional love for others, now just love yourself the same way you love them and you will be fine. Having an autistic son has shown me that he learns more from watching me love him and his family than he ever could from my words. The problems will always be there in different forms but the love you have inside, that you share, is where you will find peace.
Karen

It is natural to focus your time on the child who is in need and you only have so much time and resources to give.
My sister went through a similar experience – her troubled youngest child used up everything she had in time and money. Her oldest and middle children, happy and well adjusted people, sat on the sidelines. They knew she loved them but they still had some resentment over the feeling of being ignored at times.
Her oldest son passed away at the age of 30 from an illness that he had had for years but rarely complained about. She had no idea how sick he was at the time of his passing as he didn’t say anything and she did not notice.
The youngest child, the troubled child, passed away 2 years later from self inflicted causes.
She now has her middle child and lavishes her with love and attention.
However, I know that hindsight being 20/20, she would make different choices if she had it to do all over again.
*hugs*
Sandee

You are not lost, you just don’t know where your footing is right now. Things will fall in place. When I had about the same problem with my son who was a handful, and his younger sister, the model child, I had to consciously make a shift to focus on my daughter more to keep the balance of my time, effort, money, and emotions. It wasn’t easy – the squeeky wheel got the grease. She was resentful for awhile, and that may never completely go away. When we know better, we do better. Don’t let it become a pattern of all the attention going to your son. Carve out some time each day for the other kids and family time.