I’m a young woman of color. I created an online dating profile about a year ago. Although I have had several dates, none of them have been leading anywhere which has got me down.
Recently I came across an article written about women of color and their success rates on such dating sites. The results were grim and pretty much concluded that out of all women, women with my skin color get messaged the least (by men of all races) and thus are desired the least. This hit me hard. Here I was thinking I was this beautiful young woman with a lot of personality, spunk and intelligence, and it turns out some men who would otherwise be interested in me just aren’t because I come with a different physical package. Ever since learning this, my ego has been telling me the story that finding anyone who will like me and want to go long term with me will be extremely difficult since I came into the world with a strike against me–my brown skin. Now all confidence that I once had in the dating arena has evaporated. Although I receive marginal success on these dating websites (dates, messages), I can’t help but look at it through a self-defeatist cloud of angst. I feel like I unfairly have to compete harder for men–and that energy is just so icky to me.
Tips on how to ignore depressing dating statistics for my racial group and to restore my confidence? As of now, my own “Will I be good enough?” mindset is probably blocking me from receiving the love I think I so deserve…
A TDL Reader