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Daily Share – Normal To Seek Change Or Am I Searching For What Is Missing Inside?

I am constantly looking for guidance and a way to slow my nomadic side down. Is it normal to constantly seek change or am I searching for what is missing inside? I struggle with this daily and have since I was 18 now 36. I want to be settled. Lay down some roots, but two places come to mind, but are not equal in what they offer.

I feel like I will be missing something important if I relocate to either. My major dilemma is my current residence is majorly depressing and in some ways I feel like I am at a stand still. I am not on my path. I am merely on the sideline waiting to get into the game. I know I want a new career and need to make at least 70k. Does money drive me? Now it does. I realize money is always a struggle and when I made more than I do now, I was happier. Knowing I can pay my bills and have money left over to travel, which fuels my passion and craving of new surroundings and save for a rainy day will absolutely make me happy. I know I want a job in recruiting, but seems hopeless at times to get back into this field.

I continue to go to therapy and grow emotionally so I can be healthy. I want a partner that helps me grow and does not need “help” in any way. I tend to attract this type. I guess I continue to question myself because most of my friends and family are happy or maybe just content in their current state. I wish I felt more like them. I feel like it will never happen with me. Being a gay woman in Phoenix isn’t helping. I see so much negativity and drama and less of a community than I have seen elsewhere. I am rambling I realize, but hope there are people out there besides me that feel this way even if it’s a small portion.

A TDL Reader

  • Isis2024

    I have been reflecting on this for a few weeks myself. I travel all the time for work – 4 maybe 5 international trips a year and I love it. I can’t wait to go on the next trip and after my last trip to South Africa all I want to do is move to Capetown.  That seems like a pretty big jump from where I am in this moment, so I have decided California would be a great choice (I have always wanted to move out there). I keep thinking if is as good as it gets, it might as well be in the sun! I was just sharing with a friend over dinner last night that I don’t like my life very much and I feel like everyone else is just doing a better job of being content where they are, and I am not. I don’t know what the answer is – but I have a very strong feeling that I want to escape from my reality and both moving and travel are geographic cures. And sadly, geographic cures solve nothing. Wherever I go, there I am. Oddly, as I write that- I had that very same thought when I was in Capetown a month ago. So I am off to therapy this morning to do some archeologically soul digging to find out what is the source of my dis-ease with my life??? I suspect there is some area of my relationship with myself that needs attention- because I am trying to solve inner problems with outer solutions and it doesn’t work that way. But I will say that when I have made some progress on whatever this problem is, you can be sure I will still want to go to California or Capetown- the difference is I will be moving towards, instead of running away from.

  • kg34

    There are people out there who feel the same as you! I also crave new surroundings, and often look at other people in my current mid-west city who are so settled and happy with their lives, and wonder why I feel the need to constantly explore. At the same time, I want both worlds. To simply travel and have a nomadic existence feels rootless to me, although exciting. Right now, I’m striving to have my cake and eat it too. I’m building my mid-west business and working hard to lay down deep roots both professionally and with my relationships, but one of the major driving forces in building my business/career is to provide funds to be able to travel frequently. What Isis2024 said has always haunted me “wherever I go, there I am”. So I must learn to not use travel as an escape, but be fulfilled wherever I am – traveling or at home. This happens, I believe by being “present” no matter where I am. 

  • Jill H.

    I think what we are all doing here is suffering at the hands of comparison to other people’s lives.  I speak from experience as I was just starting to feel left behind compared to my peers who are teaching around the country and world and are just doing great things.  Instead of using their successes as an excuse to feel sorry for myself, I have made the choice to use it as motivation.

  • Janie A.

     ”I want a partner that helps me grow and does not need “help” in any way. I tend to attract this type.”-I completely relate to this.

    I think as women it is our nature to want to “help” or “change” someone because we are a nurturing type of being. I’ve had many relationships where I find that I’m trying to “change” or “save” someone. In the end you have to realize that a relationship is a partnership where you help eachother, not just one doing it all. It’s a journey together. As well, I’ve noticed with me that the people I was with were not happy with themselves before they were in the relationship. I’ve learned that you have to be happy and fulfilled with your career and self before you can begin to share it with someone-you can’t be in a realtionship for the sake of being in one.

    Rambling is GREAT! Get it all out as it comes. No filter is sometimes our best asset as humans.

    Only Love,

    Janie

  • claire O

    I completely  am right there with yah! However I am  a student in college and feel that I need to come to terms that life isnt going to be perfect. I noticed that creative minds tend to stray from “the path” but think about it.  Being you and accepting where you are is the first step. I am growing each day and noticing a change. But its a good change . If i may give some advice. Mental reframing is something i would look into more . Alot of the times its what we are telling ourselves that manifests into greater laws for our own destinies.  Take leaps of faith. Take good risks. Its those miny heart attacks that are almost like adventures of daily lives.

    acceptannce. faith. peace