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Daily Share – Quarter Life Crisis With Child!

I’m 26, married for 5 years and a mother to a beautiful 4 year old and that’s all I define myself as. I feel stuck as I’ve been reading on the Internet today I’m must be going through a quarter life crisis :( I feel lost, down, depressed I have more than a handful of traumatic life events from childhood to now.

I have so much going through this brain of mine as I feel as a lost soul simply trying to find my purpose in life, let me add not trying to be selfish and just making it me because I too I have a young human being that I helped create and that is now part of this world and I have to be there for her, teach and mold her prepare her for this world (my mother didn’t do much for me consumed by her problems) I really need to get it together because I’m not giving my all to my daughter and I’m half way stepping it with my husband and they don’t deserve it.

Let me also say I also carry the stress of worrying and burden as I am the only person responsible of helping my drug and alcohol addicted father that isn’t getting any younger, a depressed and unmotivated mother, and a 23 year old autistic little brother. I want to help everyone including myself but how can I if I’m not in the right place in my life.

A TDL Reader

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  • S_l_byrne

    I feel you hun. I don’t have a child, but I grew up being the clean & responsible one in a family of people with depression. It is only now (I’m 30) that I’ve been getting therapy and started to give them back their issues – that I’m not solely responsible for them. It is time for you to do the same, and give yourself the care and attention that you probably haven’t received.

    Really recommend seeing a therapist. If money is tight, find counsellors/therapists in training, who often provide very low fee (even sometimes free/donation) sessions. Do this for yourself and your daughter. xx

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=509757890 Sadie Fulton

    You’re already on the right track by giving yourself permission to experience everything you’re experiencing. Check out Wayne Dyer’s “the shift”, I bet you could relate to the female lead in that -it’s free on YouTube
    much love <3

  • Nona

    You are a courageous and loving human being.You care, you seek, you aspire. The discontent you are feeling could be used as a fuel for growth. The moment is really great for it.
    Let me know if I can help in any way. It seems like you can use some guidance. [email protected]
    Be well, do well, 
    Nona

  • girl0032

    I’m a  30 yr old single mother of a 7 yr old with a difficult relationship with my mother, so I understand some of what you are feeling.  I took the leap and started going to therapy because I came to the realization that the best thing you can do for your child is be happy.  You can’t be an amazing mother or have healthy relationships with others if you aren’t happy with yourself or with your life in general.  I would first suggest forgiving yourself because you are a good person for realizing that you want more for the people around you and yourself, then after that, I would suggest talking to a professional. It’s changed my life and my attitude towards others in such a short period of time.  

  • Mo

    Sweetie,
    You are not selfish for taking some time for yourself. I have been where you are with two small kids, a passive aggressive husband, and a really demanding job, and family. I broke. I learned that I can’t take care of all of those adults and my children. I had to get my priorities straight because my kids were acting out and I was so miserable. I had to set some pretty strong boundaries and I got really clear on how I’d spend my time and with who. The pain in me was so strong. It was like I had to change or I was going to die. So I let the adults in my life take care of themselves and I asked for their support in raising the children. If they helped, great. If they didn’t, great. I’m grateful for my own strength and capacity. 

    I disengaged from their drama and focused on the life I wanted to create for the kids and me, doing things that made me feel good. I started taking dance classes again and making time to do my hair. I set my bedtime and got the kids to bed early. I cleaned my house. I volunteered at the kids’ school.

    At some point in our lives, we have to break from our roles and establish ourselves as adult women who set our own agendas. The life crisis is exactly the time to do it. I’m sending you light and love.

  • RL

    You have so much courage…please remember this.  When you are on an airplane, the flight attendants say to be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others.  This is because if you don’t you will pass out and be of no help to ANYONE!  Spend time loving and nurturing yourself.  Treat yourself like you would someone you love very deeply.  Take care of yourself first so that you can help others.  

  • Jreches

    YOU are worthy of help whether you feel ready right now or not.  This letter has been posted for a reason, take the leap that the Uni-verse is offering and step into some self love!
    I deeply relate to your upbringing, your worries and concerns about your alcoholic father, depressed mother and autistic brother.
    Al-anon is what saved my ass!  Many others like you and me.
    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
    While therapy is wonderful, nothing has helped me more than the loving rooms of Alanon.  I hope and pray you will find your way there too.
    Feel free to contact me…
    [email protected]

  • BB

    I can absolutely relate to what you’re going through. I’m 26, married for 4 years, I have two amazing children (1yr and 4yrs), a job and I’m going to college. I’m feeling crushed by life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed. But I’m questioning my decisions. Am I spending enough quality time with my kids? And my husband? Did I choose the right major? Should I stick with my (not really well-paid) job? Do I even wanna be in this part of the world since all my family (besides my husband and kids) lives a 12 hour plane flight away? If you have a husband and kids (and in your case, even more responsibilities), quarter-life crisis isn’t only about you. I understand that people here write that you should take care of yourself first. But it’s not that easy. I’m going through the same phase (and I really hope it’s just a phase!) and I’m also trying to figure out what I want, BUT I also try too see how that would influence my kids and my partner. Balance is the solution, but it’s really hard to find!