I am having an extremely difficult time trying to figure out what to do with my ex (we were together for a year and a half, but we started off as friends). I am in college, and have a dorm room, but I spent about the past 7 months with him at this apartment. We saw each other, and hung out everyday (which I know many will say is not the best thing to do). I have met pretty much his ENTIRE family due to him inviting me to multiple family events.
We often talked about our future together, he said in everything he wanted to do in the future, he saw me there with him. We broke up about a month ago, but I cannot seem to get him off my mind. We had both been under a lot of stress, and had recently started arguing more. We had a big fight before he decided to break it off. The next day was confusing. He invited me to Easter dinner at his parents house, but I declined. Later on in the day, however, he called me and told me he was coming over to drop off my stuff. When I got to the car to get my stuff, he was acting very rude.
A couple of days after we broke up, he contacted me and said he really needed to tell me something. We met, and he told me that the reason we broke up was not me at all, but he said he knew he’d been having mood swings lately, and that he had some personal problems he needed to take care of in order to be a “better man” both for himself and for me. We both agreed that there should be no more contact until he solved his problems. The break, however, was unclean. After we broke up, we saw each other a few more times, hugged, laughed, talked and said I love yous. We pushed the “no contact rule” back until I went home to California for the summer.
However, when I got to California, he continued to call and text me like normal. When I asked him “what about the no contact rule?”, he said that he loved me and couldn’t see himself not talking to me. He also said he didn’t see why he couldn’t work on his problems and still keep up the contact. All of my family that I have talked to about the situation said the best thing to do is to completely cut off contact. So I struggled with what I wanted to do. I was depressed and more confused than I’ve ever been. I really didn’t want to cut off contact with the one I love, but a very small part of me felt like it might be the best thing to do, at least for the summer.
So I finally made the decision to cut it off about a week ago. He told me “I really don’t want to do this, but I will respect your decision.” and then, with a laugh, he said “But I’ll let you know right now, you will be getting a call from me in August.” (August is the next time I will be in his state). Since then, we have had a few slip-ups. I never contact him first, but he calls every 2 days or so, or he’ll find a way to learn some information that is relevant to me, and text me about it.
Now it’s been 3 days since I’ve heard from him and I feel like I’m going crazy. I have to CONSTANTLY tell myself not to call him or contact him in any way. I find myself just generally wondering how he is doing, playing back old memories in my head, and just basically pining for him.
Lately, all my dreams have been about him, and sometimes I feel like he’s sleeping right next to me still. I’m currently trying to work on myself and getting me out of the dumps by becoming independent again, staying busy, and realizing I can’t make someone my source of peace and happiness. But I wonder everyday, every hour of the day, have I made the right decision? Should I cut things off and try to forget about him, or can we work on ourselves and still keep up contact? I feel like I’m torturing myself with my own decision. Thank you for reading through, and responding to my mess.
A TDL Reader