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Daily Share – Stuck At The Cusp Of Positive Change And Breakthrough!

March 16, 2013 by 5 Comments

TDL_FB iconI am hopeful in my situation of sitcom strangeness that I am sitting at the cusp of positive change and breakthrough. Many days feel like a bleak struggle interspersed with fleeting moments of light that encourage me to keep holding on. I desperately want to find calmness so that I know how to let my light shine. I’m not there. The past two years have felt like survival mode. Divorcee is my new status as of two weeks ago. My marriage fell apart and I’m slowly seeing the ugliness that comprised the relationship years before the demise. The worst horror is seeing myself make some of the same decisions my mother made to an abusive man, something I was certain I’d never do. I thought these realizations would empower me, but I’m feeling lost and paralyzed. Maybe I haven’t gotten far enough away from it all yet to gain perspective on my small steps. I desperately want to figure out my purpose. I suspect it’s sitting right in front of me and is hidden by my mountain of junk. I have yet to regain (find?) my voice and confidence and eradicate the inner ugliness that simply amplified after this relationship. I’m an artist and musician, but I’ve been inconsistent in figuring out how to utilize what should be no brainer tools to get me through this. There’s a fear and terror that I have to fight. I go to a job daily where I feel like pounding my head in my cubicle wondering how to get on a more fulfilling track. I do have unusual blessings in my life like my beautiful roommate and her beautiful kids, wonderful bandmates, an awesome camera (!), caring coworkers, and the most fantastic granny I could ask for. I’m sure I’m right next to my path, but it feels like I’m still struggling in the dark most days.

A TDL Reader

  • Sandy

    Hang in there! I was once where you are, totally lost and wondering if I would ever feel happiness again. I just hung on…..prayed, meditated, cried, talked with friends, etc……..and then…..the sun came out……in a BIG way. I ended up moving to another state, found a new community of friends, got involved in dancing, and being open to new interests that were coming my way……and never dreamed I could experience such happiness.
    I will hold you in prayer knowing that in time…….you will find your way again.
    Remember…..it’s always darkest before the dawn
    Sandy

  • http://www.billnewgent.com/ Bill Newgent

    TDL Reader, Let first say that my intention is not to minimize your current experience. It all really did happen. What I experience from your writing is a person who has declared their status in life…”Divorcee is my new status “. Be clear that is some thing that happened and not who you are…breathe for a minute and just think about that. Be aware of who you are being. It is your choice. The rest of what I hear you saying is that you are looking for things outside of yourself to be the answer. Know this YOU are LOVE. YOU are LIGHT. When you spend time with and within you and begin to see past all the emotional turbulence you are currently hashing and rehashing you will begin to see what is already there. How do I know it’s there? After all I don’t know you…? Because you and I are the same. We are all made of the same stuff and it’s true for us all.
    So mourn and be with that for time. Then choose what you want. Be gentle with yourself along the way. Love yourself. You will start to shift to a letting go or an allowing if you like. An allowing. If you choose and make it a part of your life practice you will begin to see you and the love and light that you already are. Everything you need is already within you. For now don’t get hung up on the DO focus on the BE. Love and empowerment to you!!!

  • Wendy Richards

    Dear Friend, I don’t proclaim to be an expert but I have been where you are now. What I suggest is that you drown yourself in positive. What I mean is you have to change your point of view of everything you thought you knew. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and read the daily love quotes everyday. Look in the mirror often and really see the person you want to be. It’s time to reinvent yourself, and you are the only one who can. It will happen immediately once you change the way you think. Look at the past in a new way as well. If certain things didn’t happen the way they did you would not have learned the lessons you have. I write blogs on this subject. Go to wendyrichards2011.wordpress.com and you will see the journey I have been on and maybe get a few pointers on how to start your journey to self love and a happier you. You are on a good path right now just by seeking help. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your process.
    Your Friend, Wendy

  • ajgirlpwr

    i’d like to recommend a book… “how to be an adult in a relationship” by david richo. it helped me to understand why I was making the mistakes in relationship choices that I swore I never would. it also gave me the tools I needed to shift my perspective for moving forward.

  • Karen

    You ARE on your path – good for you! You simply need to change some metal programming and little shifts can create huge changes.
    A good start is to be aware of any and all negative thoughts – once you realize how often you entertain them, you can begin to change them to positive.
    Start using this statement every day,

    “I am in the process…” – of changing my life for the better, of creating great wealth, of being in a healthy, romantic relationship, of being in a career that is fulfulling and joyful….
    Good luck, my friend!

    *hugs*