Daily Share – There Must Be a Better Way…

TDL_FB iconTwo years ago my life was shattered. My wife of 13 years decided to walk out of the marriage on New Year’s Day, taking our two gorgeous daughters. For the past two years I have been fighting a very bitter acrimonious divorce, fighting to see my daughters and defending my financial position whilst I maintain my own business. I seem to have lost my confidence and self-esteem, having to fight what is right and defending insidious lies and allegations for two years. My mounting legal bills and the inability to focus on my business has caused tremendous pressures. I love my daughters and I know they love me, although they are ‘brainwashed’ by their very bitter and angry mother. There must be a better way………

A TDL Reader

  • Chrysalisgirl12

    I have walked your path and can give you a promise that if you focus on doing the right things each moment of each day that over time you will grow from this tragic place. What worked for me was to seek God, work with a counselor each week, attend a divorce recovery workshop, attend church weekly, not isolate, do something good for myself each day, feel my feelings and journal them, and join a Coda group so I would be able to have healthier relationships.

  • Jen

    I extend my compassion to you as you walk this current walk. I experienced a similar situation, but I was the person who decided to love myself enough to leave a relationship after 20 years. My experience was powerful, emotional and life changing. My lessons learned were don’t lose yourself by giving away your personal power to those lost in hatred or fear, just remember we are all the same in more ways than different. Lead with love in every choice you make… And when you trip and fall and do it in unhelpful ways… Remind yourself you are always loved and forgiven … Just stand back up, refocus your heart and mind and carry on. Your kids need someone to remain consistently emotionally available for them… When you get their anger… Give thanks to God and them. Love to you!

  • gigi

    Forgive yourself. Forgive her. Lead with love.

  • Carrie4cody

    Divorce is an ugly experience for everyone. I always say you never know who you marry until you divorce them. Your daughters will one day…I promise you…see the light. Never bad mouth your childrens mother to them as she may do about you to them. This will only confuse them. Your reward will come. It will not be when you want it to but in Gods own time. Pray often. Live for your daughters and not your circumstances. Integrity is whow you are when no one is looking.

  • Diana0621

    Life has hit me hard as I had lost my own self, upon allowing myself to sit in silence and just feel the “ride”, allowing the grief to make its statement allowed me to really encounter the diviness in each event and compreehend that nothing was happening in vain, that the losses I was moning over were never a “loss” persi but a new path of blessings to come, I learned that pain is just an alarm of what is going “wrong” and by listening to that inner voice I was able to let go of the great fear of “not knowing tomorrow”, and stop fighting against the absolute confort in loosing control and the outmost peace of being assured that life is solely controlled by love and fear, when I chose to shut fear, love reins…
    Every experience serves solely as a preparation of what is to come.
    Use the great love for your daughters to rejoyce how blessed you have been to be a father f two, use your wife sudden departure as a confirmation that love does not come with posession, use the endless battles and grief of this divorce as the pure demonstration that your much wiser, stronger and loving that you ever imagined being…
    Rest in peace that even though you can never control others you can always chose to control your own perseption of your own circunstances.
    Life goes on as a collection of moments, as a book with endless pages and no set end to its history… Do not focus now on the final line, enjoy the journey you have been blessed to outcome and before you realize your being will find to learn from all it has been, to be ready to what is to come just by living day by day each at a time in conection with pure love, after all no one can ever love you more then you love and respect yourself. After all the world revolves around the energy reflected within…

  • Annapate1

    I just seen you on Oprah’s Super soul Sunday and LOVED IT!!! This hits very much home for me as i have been a seeker for many years,I sure hope this will go main stream i am going to intreduse this path to my Grand children and all my friends…THANK YOU GUY’S!!!!!!!

  • Zah Zu1

    I finally found the strength to leave a long miserable marriage and it was the most difficult thing I have ever done..and the most wonderful. Took me 4 years of mediation to get a legal separation and 3 years later, now, have finally gotten him to the point where he will fill out the papers so I can file them.  It has been a  long, painful, bone crunching experience. It is no matter which side you are on. And having children makes it much more complicated.
    All I can say to you is keep forging ahead and know that you will survive and so will your girls.
    The most beautiful people are the ones who have suffered, who have struggled, who have known loss and who have found their way out of the depths of despair to the light.

  • OMAcenter

    Dear One,
    I see the words fight, fighting , defending, pressure and loss in your words and fully understand how your world has been in constriction, draining you of your vitality. Ask to see it differently, and you shall. You have your amazing self and when you show up with gratitude for all that you are, your daughters will “see” you. Now is the time to shift into a life of expansion. How might you do that? The more you let go of control and stand in your own authentic, beautiful self, grateful to be alive, walk in nature, share smiles with the girls, delight in their laughter, the more you will “gain”. It is all about the expansion of you, not the holding on of old stuff that you can’t take with you.
    What an amazing opportunity!

  • TDL Reader

       I left an extremely emotionally abusive marriage after 25 years. I was married to a patholigical liar. Although it has been rough, I took back my power and my life. I have three children with this man, who became a total stranger. I am also a 12 year breast cancer survivor. Take time to focus on yourself. Time will heal your wounds. It has been just over a year an life gets better each day. Sending you light and love. You will get through it.

  • Ceemcee06

    There is a better way Anonymous. Firstly, stop fighting. Nothing can be won out of a fight in a court of law when children are involved. Instead, reach out to your ex-wife. If she’s bitter and angry she is in pain. She has not moved on. If you were together 13 years and created two  human beings, there is a bond that cannot be broken. Ever. Remind her of the love you shared. Tell her that you still love her and will love until the day you die. Make sure you mean it. If you don’t, you are not ready to see better results. You will see more of the same: the fighting, the emotional and financial draining…. The time has come for you, as well as all others out there who believe you can walk away from a relationship that resulted in the creation of life, hating each other, to realize that you cannot. Not without painful consequences for both. The two daughters you both brought into the world are the link through which you will be connected for life.

    So, how do you do this? You sit down,in the dark, without any distracting sounds and you close your eyes and visualize the most wonderful and happy day you and your ex wife spent together. Before the girls were born. Stay there long enough to see what she was wearing, how her hair rubbed against your skin; how that made you feel. Stay there in that moment, feeling exactly what you felt when your eyes met, and your hands touched. Think only of that moment. Nothing else. Stay there long enough to allow all the loving emotions to resurface. Let them. Let them stay as long as they want. Surrender control over these emotions. Don’t rush them out.

    Then, slowly allow other happy memories to enter this exercise. Perhaps you want to guide or allow them to guide you to the day the girls were born. Stay there. Observe every moment of these two happy occasions. Allow the emotions to take over. Let them. If you are smiling at this point or at any point during this exercise, that will be your clue that the exercise has succeed. You have brought back the love inside you to the surface. Now it is freed to be given back to your ex. 

    I know it sounds strange. But Love is all that is. If you didn’t know that you wouldn’t have accessed this website. But you did. You did because you are looking for some love. You can only find the love you keep. It was never outside you. It was always inside you. And now that you know that, it is time for the shift. Shock the hell out of her by coming to her with love and compassion and truth. If there is anything that you need to apologize for, you are now a better man and you will do just that. You will show the woman you chose as the mother of your girls the kind of man she fell in love with. And you will show your girls that someday, they should never settle for anyone who is a lesser man that their old man. You are their compass. You are the one man over whom they will model their bfriends and husband someday. Be mindful of your presence in their lifes and of how you behave while in their presence. Never mind your personal pride. It cannot be taken into consideration, because pride is love’s worst enemy.  Remember only that pride doesn’t love you back and won’t keep you company when you are lonely.

    Finally, ask your ex-wife for a truce. Ask her to fire her lawyer. Fire yours too. Tell her that you are ready to work with her and that together you will get all details worked out, including the financial side of divorce. Keep in mind that your daughters’ love and respect has no price tag. So, be generous.

    The Universe has a funny way of compensating those who are generous. The more you give out of love, the more you receive. Some people have said they received 1000 fold.  I believe that. I am one such person.

    Blessings. keep us posted.  

    • RCJ

      This is amazing advice. The girls are the only ones that matter and if you can do this for them the reward will be worth it.