I normally don’t do anything such as this. I don’t go on blog sites, express my feelings on the Internet, or do anything of this nature. But what I’ve been going through the past few days has given me the reason to search for insight and guidance in places that I never have before. I have the sense that the Uni-verse is trying to tell me something and I am in the midst of a lot of pain and trying to sort it all out at the same time.
First off, I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. Within this relationship, I had became jealous, insecure and somewhat needy over the course of our relationship, which I feel are not my best qualities nor anything I have ever experienced previously in my life. But regardless of that, it seemed as if we had both found our true love in life. We deeply loved each other, traveled together, and decided to move in with one another.
Fast forward to just three weeks ago, it seemed as if things were getting better and our understanding of one another was growing. We were laughing, loving, and enjoying each other’s company. I thought we were happy.
But then I had to leave for work for four days during the week. At that time I saw that he was pulling away, but I told myself that it was just me being crazy because I was separated from him. When I landed that Thursday night, there was a text stating that we were going to have a conversation in the car when he picked me up. The conversation consisted of him telling me that he had too much going on at the moment in school, studying abroad, and focusing on his ambitions in life. He also said he had moved out while I was away. So needless to say I was shocked, surprised, and dumbfounded. That night was a pretty rough night I didn’t sleep well and was a ball of emotions. That Friday morning I had to wake up and go back to work. I was sad when I got there and was not feeling the work, but was going to push through when I got called into my bosses’ office. They proceeded to tell me that I was being fired after nine years of employment for having an unfortunate argument over the phone with a coworker the week prior to me going out of town for those four days.
So in a matter of ten hours, I lost who I thought was the love of my life and the nine year career that I was building was gone. While being with my now ex-boyfriend, I had went from being atheist to forming a spiritual feeling inside of me. So now as I am faced with the loss of these two major parts of my life, I am trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what the Uni-verse is trying to tell me. I had put it out there that I was unhappy with my job. I knew that I had placed too much of my happiness into the person that I was with and recognized that I was unhappy inside on many levels. I must also mention that about six months ago during a wonderful ceremony that I had been a part of, a premonition came to me that I needed to quit my job and do some traveling. Now I am not sure what that meant or what details that consisted of, but since then I have wondered when and where that might be. I am torn between getting back on the society horse of getting a new job and trying to keep all my material things in place or to go traveling. I keep having these emotions that the Uni-verse is trying to tell me something. I am just lost, confused, saddened, and just deeply hurt at the moment. So, I’m not sure if I’m thinking clearly or not, or even contemplating the right steps to be taking.
Any comments or suggestions would be of great use right about now.
A TDL Reader